Watermark Blogs

A dead marriage. A struggle with alcohol that took their peace and stability. And the choice whether to forgive what many find unforgivable. Jimi and Barb Stuart’s marriage was coming apart at the seams just six years ago. But at the point where many marriage stories end, Jimi and Barb’s story has only just begun.

Jimi learned to fend for himself at an early age. His parents divorced when Jimi was very young, and his father, an alcoholic, wasn’t around much. Jimi’s mom worked full-time to support the family, leaving her son alone much of the time. In high school, drugs became a regular part of Jimi’s life, and by 21, Jimi was using heroin – stealing money from his family and selling drugs to support his habit. After living this way throughout his young adult life, Jimi was convinced his future came down to these choices: die, go to jail, become homeless, or go to rehab.

“I didn’t want to be around a bunch of recovering addicts and ‘Jesus freaks’, but I was facing two choices: spending two years in prison, or going to rehab. God used rehab to get my attention, and on September 21, 1997, I trusted Christ. I began reading the New Testament from beginning to end, and the words of Mark 10:29-30 really spoke to me. By the time I got to I Corinthians, I realized the Bible had the answers to stop the pain. I wish I could say that is end of my struggle. It wasn’t. But God was at work.”

After rehab, Jimi got a job tending bar at a local restaurant, where he met Barb. After a whirlwind romance, the two married within the year, and decided to spend their first year of marriage working together in a touring theater company. On the road with a small group of actors eight months out of the year, Jimi and Barb felt like they spent their first year of marriage living in a fish bowl. Daily, they were in close proximity to other Christians, yet far from authentic community with believers to advise them on the struggles in their marriage.

“It was a terrible environment for starting a marriage, and things did not go well,” said Barb. “Although I’d been a believer for a long time, I’d spent most of my life doing things for God, rather than developing a relationship with the Lord. So the challenges during that first year really brought out my insecurities and struggles with performance and fear of failure. Jimi was falling into depression and fits of rage, and it felt like I could do nothing right. I should have turned to the Lord for help. But instead I turned to the tangible; someone who was appreciative and concerned about me. I had an affair.”

The burden of sin and deception felt so overwhelming that Barb could hardly face herself in the mirror. Jimi’s downward spiral continued, as he began looking at pornography, drinking heavily and having extramarital relationships as well. It took the birth of their children, the loss of Jimi’s job due to alcohol abuse, and an intervention by their family and friends to stop the destruction. “When I got fired for drinking, I finally realized that I had an addictive nature, and I needed to change the way I was living. Someone told me to check out Celebrate Recovery (CR), a biblical recovery ministry at Watermark. When I went, I could see that God had me there for a reason. I began to the read the Bible on a regular basis and apply it to my life, and the Lord showed me grace and forgiveness – humbling because I knew what a wretched man I really was.”

Barb also became part of CR, and both of them became very honest about their individual struggles, unfaithfulness and sin. “It was only through the power of prayer that God helped us begin making amends with each other,” said Jimi. “After all the stuff we put each other through, we should have been divorced. But by pursuing Christ and recovery together, God healed our marriage, and forgiveness was possible.”

Barb says that reconciliation was a slow process. But as she embraced forgiveness through Christ, she saw God powerfully at work. “Philippians 1:6 tells us that that God, who began a good work in you will be faithful carry it to completion. I’ve seen that play out in our marriage and my own life. God was at work in my life, even when I strayed. To find healing and freedom, I didn’t have to know all the details of God’s plan. I just had to trust Him and obey.”

Today, Barb and Jimi have three beautiful children, Austin (6) and Elise (4), as well as Peyton, (15), Jimi’s daughter from a previous relationship. It’s Peyton’s presence that serves as a daily reminder of God’s power and love. For years, the burdens of substance abuse and broken relationships hindered Jimi’s involvement in Peyton’s life. But in November of ’06, Jimi and Barb connected with Peyton and a relationship that once seemed impossible has now blossomed.

“Again, God restored a portion of my life that I never thought was possible,” said Jimi. “When I was struggling with addiction and close to homeless, God pulled me out of the pit. When our marriage was at the point where most couples file for divorce, God showed us His grace, and we found redemption in Christ. And when I thought it was too late to get to know my daughter, I discovered that as long we are alive, it is never too late with God.”

“Yes,” Jesus replied, “and I assure you that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, will receive now in return a hundred times as many houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and property— along with persecution. And in the world to come that person will have eternal life.” (Mark 10:29-30 NLT)

Matt and Sonja McCuen’s marriage hit a brick wall in 1997 – right at the “seven year itch”. From the outside, they looked picture perfect – a nice house, nice cars and two successful careers. But behind closed doors, it was a different story. “We just weren’t connected. We rarely fought, but avoided conflict completely. I was leading financially, but nowhere else in our relationship. But your paycheck doesn’t matter much in your marriage, if your wife doesn’t really like you.”

Sonja and Matt met at Samford University in Birmingham, Alabama. Sonja, who’d been a follower of Christ most of her life, hoped to find a husband with a strong faith. She was crazy about Matt from the get-go; but, after three years of dating, questioned whether she and Matt were on the same page spiritually. “I couldn’t see the fruit of a strong faith in his life,” said Sonja. “My parents are divorced, and I feared that I’d repeat the pattern if we weren’t both committed to following Christ. Because of these concerns, we actually called off the relationship for a while.”

Putting their relationship on hold actually made Matt take a closer look at whether his faith and priorities matched up at all. “I grew up in a church where there wasn’t any accountability or discipleship. For the first time, someone I cared about put her relationship with Christ above her relationship with me. I spent some time with a friend who had a strong faith. He helped me see that I needed to put my relationship with Christ first. Soon, Sonya noticed the change in my life.”

Sonja and Matt agree that their first few years of marriage were very special. “We moved around during those years, and that gave us an opportunity to build a relationship together, independent of our families of origin,” said Sonya. “But over time, the pressures of two busy careers crept in, and we lost focus.”

In 1997, Sonja’s career was going very well. She had a great job and was enjoying the travel, recognition and praise. “My job felt a whole lot more glamorous than laundry, dishes and playing housewife. The environment at work was exciting, and it felt great to be appreciated. Although everyone was married, there was a whole lot of flirting, and as a woman on the team I received a lot of attention. As a result, I got really wrapped up in myself, and began to feel like my job and my career were more important than him. Things came to a head when I was offered a promotion, which meant moving to New York.”

The couple went through weeks of dissention over the move, and Matt didn’t feel like he had anyone to talk to about it. His career was going well, and his job had the flexibility to make the relocation possible. However, he wasn’t willing to move with their marriage in a state of disconnect and conflict. Finally, after months of frustration and a miserable trip to New York together, Matt said he would not move to New York. The two flew home on separate planes, and Matt says he had no idea what Sonja was going to choose when she landed: her job or their marriage.

“I had totally lost perspective,” said Sonja. “I was completely wrapped up in my ambitions. Looking through the lens of self-focus, I lost sight of all the traits I had fallen in love with in Matt. God used a close friend of mine to get my attention. My friend reminded me of my primary role as a helper to my husband. And she didn’t want to talk to me anymore unless I stopped what I was doing to my marriage. It’s ironic, because I was in Bible studies at church; but, I got wrapped up in my own desires. Eventually, they became more important than God’s plan.”

Sonja declined the promotion, and gained some perspective on the impact of self-focus on her faith and marriage. “That began a season of healing for us,” said Sonja. “Although we’d fallen in our marriage, we had ‘fallen forward,’ and God eventually used our story to help minister to other couples.”

Sonja and Matt began the rebuilding process, studying God’s Word and serving together at the church they attended. When Matt hit a flat line in spiritual growth, he sought out a different church for their family. “The change was good because the emphasis on community and the teaching at Watermark challenged me. God has put me into a structure that allows me to lead my family. I’ve always brought home a paycheck and led at work, but I needed to know more about leadership at home. Once I understood I could lead my family by basing my life on God’s Word, our family became much stronger.”

Today, Matt & Sonja’s marriage is in a very different place than they were ten years ago. They celebrated 17 years of marriage last July with their three kids, Anna Kate (7), Lily (5) and Jep (3). They’ve been working with newly married couples and helping them build community by leading a Watermark Foundation Group.

“I was wrapped up in a culture that says leading your family means providing a certain lifestyle. As it turned out, Sonja simply wanted me to love her as Christ loved the church. Had someone grabbed me by the ears and told me that, I would have avoided a lot of trouble and frustration,” said Matt. “For a long time, I handled challenges in our marriage emotionally rather than Scripturally. I defaulted to what I saw modeled, rather than what God’s Word says. Leading a Foundation Group has allowed us to be honest about our mistakes so others can learn from them. And it’s made us even more committed to building a family identity in Christ.”

“I think the foolishness of how I’d been living hit me when I was 18 years old at a college fraternity party,” said David Morrison. “The police showed up, and I was underage; so, I ran and hid in the backyard of a house nearby. Sitting there in the dark, having a cigarette with some guy I didn’t even like, I took a good look at myself and asked, ‘WHAT AM I DOING?’ I felt like such a loser.

“I learned about Christ as a kid, growing up in a small, Baptist church in McKinney, TX. I ‘walked the aisle’ at age nine and trusted Christ. I knew what I was supposed to believe and how I was supposed to act, but not much more. In high school, I became a first-class hypocrite – serving in some leadership roles through church and behind closed doors drinking, smoking and partying. I wasn’t Tommy Lee or anything; but, I found a lot of significance in athletics, the party scene and what other people thought of me. That pattern followed me through high school and my first year at Texas A&M.

“I took a hiatus from partying after the ‘backyard incident’ and started seeking out friends who were followers of Christ. Things really changed when I was on a retreat with a campus Christian organization and heard a speaker talk about 2 Corinthians 7:1. For the first time, my sin felt dirty, and I was convicted. I’d been playing a game for years, and I was finally ready to become a follower of Christ. After that, God helped me make a 180 degree turn. I went from dabbling in Christianity to fully trusting Christ, and building relationships with men I could trust to hold me accountable. I got a picture  of what God wanted from my life and understood that my time and focus needed to be about His glory.

“As college ended, I focused on what I was going to do with my life. I can’t say I felt ‘called’ to go to seminary, but had a real hunger for spiritual knowledge. So in 2004, my wife, Julia and I packed up and moved to North Carolina, where I went to Southeastern Baptist Seminary. We moved back to Dallas and finished Seminary at Dallas Theological Seminary. That was a great time of growth for me and for our marriage. Julia and I volunteered in college ministry with Robbie Rice and others from Watermark. Robbie became a spiritual mentor to me, and modeled what it looked like to be kind without being weak, to build authentic relationships and simply to love others well.

“A more challenging season came in the spring of ’08, when, in just three months, I graduated from seminary, bought our first home and Julia and I had our first child, Ava. It was definitely a time of conflict. I was worried about finding a job. At times, Julia didn’t feel valued by me, and I didn’t totally understand what she was saying. But God used it to help me see my selfishness, and learn what it really means to die to self and act like a man.

“During that time, I also came on staff at Watermark to be part of the College Ministry. I’m part of a team that puts together the ONE28 ministry on the Southern Methodist University campus. I build relationships with students, talk to them about Christ and help them find real community.

“The thing that surprised me about these students is how career-driven they are. Priority one is building a resume, looking for internships and having a college experience that will make them professionally successful. For most students, faith takes a back seat to worldly success.

“That’s why it is so cool to see life-change in the students we serve. One example is Cody Scott, who showed up at one of our weekly meetings and heard about our fall retreat. He didn’t know much about our ministry, but agreed to go. At the retreat, Cody was impacted by a sermon on the freedom found in Christ as well as the vulnerability he saw in the other students. Their kindness and authenticity won him over, and he later got involved in one of our college small groups. Since then, his life has really changed. Cody began his college experience ‘in the world,’ and today, he’s finding life in Christ and telling others about Him. Stories like that are what is so great about college ministry. Students trust us with their time and struggles. And through Christ, we get to watch them grow from scared, insecure 18 year olds to college seniors with real peace, purpose and security in Christ.

“Today, my mission is to tell students that God is better than a $60K a year job straight out of college, or an Uptown apartment or a sorority bid. Christ is better because He gives you real life and peace in the storm of our materialistic culture. The invitation to come and die to self and live in Christ is better than anything I’ve ever known.”

“My definition of hell on earth is living with one foot in the world, and the other with Christ. I know, because I lived that way for so long.” – Allen Hankins.

“Growing up, I went to church on Christmas and Easter. I didn’t have a model for following Christ. I sought acceptance and significance in my performance in academics and sports. Those aren’t necessarily bad things. But it’s not Christ.

“I later went to University of Nebraska on a wrestling scholarship. The guys I hung out with in college were far from God. At first, I felt uncomfortable with the drinking and how women were viewed as objects. But I became numb to it, and soon, drinking and inappropriate relationships with women were a regular part of my life.

“After graduation, I tried to fill the gap that sports left in my life with drugs. I also thought I was on the path toward marriage, because I’d been living with my girlfriend for about two years. That changed when I was offered a job in Cincinnati, and she (at about the same time) made a decision to trust Christ. She set new boundaries in our relationship and took a stand for what she believed. Honestly, I didn’t get it. I accepted the job in Cincinnati, and we broke up.

“Moving to a new city meant I no longer had a network of friends encouraging me to do the wrong thing. I chose those things on my own. But I did notice the changes happening in my former girlfriend’s life, and that prompted me to check out a local church. There, I was confronted with this truth: I either had to stand for Christ or stay seated with the Enemy. That moved me, and I decided to trust Christ. I still hadn’t taken care of the 800 lb. gorilla of alcohol and drugs on my back. But I found a freedom and peace that I’d never felt before.

“I started reading my Bible and praying regularly. But I didn’t have Christian friends around me. That made it easy for me to spend two or three nights a week at bars, and another couple of nights at home studying my Bible. Trying to live in both of those worlds was lonely and exhausting, and nobody was there to tell me how crazy that really was.

“I lived like that for about 4 years. Work was going well, and I was promoted a couple of times, so I bought a home far away from my church. Isolation made it easy for the gods of money, alcohol and relationships to take over. There was a lot of internal struggle, and I convinced myself that freedom from alcohol and other struggles would have to wait until heaven. Until then, I’d try to be a ‘good person’ and hopefully, God could see past my sin.

“That faulty thinking led up to my darkest point in life: July 7, 2007. I’d gone out that night, drank too much and decided to try to climb a television tower. It seemed like a harmless prank, but it got a little more serious with the police and television news crews showed up, and I was on the front page of the newspaper the next day.

“In just 48 hours after that incident, everything changed. I was in jail, charged with criminal trespassing and public intoxication, and I lost my job. All the things that I had placed my trust and faith in came tumbling down. It was devastating.

“I see now that God loved me enough to discipline and expose me and this was the beginning of my journey with Christ. I’d recently moved to Dallas, and God connected me to friends who invited me to Watermark. I felt a lot of shame, and authenticity was hard. But when I read stories in Watermark News of broken people now changed by Christ, I discovered what I’d been missing all along.

“The rest was a process. I had a real problem with alcohol, and it took a while to give it up. But over time, I found recovery in Christ and a small group of men who walked with me. I came to understand that ‘nothing good lives in me’ (Romans 7:18), so there’s no point to keeping areas of my life isolated from God. I made hard decisions about relationships and alcohol – sometimes fighting tooth and nail with my community about it. But in the end, I needed to give up my desires so that I could pursue Christ alone. I admitted that I feared not be able to handle the loneliness and emptiness. But through consistent time in Scripture, God helped me trust Him to be what I needed. With the help of community and Celebrate Recovery at Watermark, Icelebrated over one year of sobriety in November, and I am living the life I only thought possible the other side of heaven.

“For a long time, I was afraid of giving God all of my life, because I thought I’d get shortchanged. But God is so much bigger and better than I ever imagined. I have friends who encourage and tell me the truth even if it hurts. I have the chance to serve God by serving others. When I gave up my own selfish desires, God did not short-change me. My life became fuller. And I’ve discovered that the only way to truly live is to live for Christ.”

It could be as simple as sharing a cup of coffee with a friend, or deciding to spend time in God’s Word. It might have been the honest conversation you had about a struggle you’re facing. God uses many different moments and opportunities to move us closer to Him.  Meet just a few people at Watermark whose lives have been changed in dramatic ways as they engaged with Christ. And consider how the Lord may be working in your heart right now and how you’ll respond to the next chapter the Lord intends to write in your life.

Time in God’s Word

“Spending time in God’s Word, and talking about what I’m learning with other men at Summit Men’s Bible Study changed my life. Until the day I came to church here two years ago, I’d never heard about a forgiving God. But something clicked as I heard the Truth about God’s love, and grace started to make sense to me. I started reading the Bible some time after that, and learning a lot about Scripture by taking part in the study. Since then, it feels like a million pounds has been lifted, and I have more freedom than I’ve ever had in my life. I’ve been able to talk about my struggles with people God has put in my life, and they’ve helped me understand what God’s Word says about sin and that I’m loved by Him in spite of it.” – Russ Mamoth

Living in Community

“One of my favorite times of the week is the time when the men from our group meet. For us it’s a time free of expectations and anxiety—where we don’t have to prove anything. It’s there that God speaks to my heart through these men. One of the ways they push me is to be proactive and take initiative with my family. I tend to manage my personal life like I manage projects at work. With this approach, I tend to order and control my household to my liking. But God has called me to so much more. He wants me to be passionate about His Word and raise a family that feels the same way. He wants me to serve creatively, lead inspirationally and set an example consistently. Without the spiritual cattle prod of accountability, I wouldn’t strive for what God wants in my life.” – Mike Netzer

“For a long time, I lived life on my terms, never thinking of others. When I got into community with others, I had men to hold me accountable to stay in the Word and away from alcohol. Watching these guys talk honestly about their sin made me look at my life. I started walking fully with Christ and He gave me a desire to live for something other than myself – a heart to truly serve others. I would never have been able to break the hold alcohol had on my life if it hadn’t been for the Christian men who walked with me through those transformative months of sobriety. Now, I find joy in Christ, and I’m both humbled and rewarded that God can use me to love and serve others.” – Ben Sanford

Serving Others

“Being available and selflessly loving the young man I’ve been mentoring, Deon, has opened the door for him to listen to what I had to say. I’ve been very transparent about challenges in my life and the Scripture I’ve sought to apply as I’ve walked through difficult times. The Lord has used this to make my daily life more consistent with what I believe, and that has given me credi­bility with Deon. I’m really grateful for what God has done, and the eternal deposits He’s allowed me to make in His Kingdom.” – Jordan Denzer

Learning What it Truly Meant to Follow Christ

“For me, deciding to be part of Celebrate Recovery was a turning point in my relationship with Christ. The framework was straight out of the Bible. I learned what it truly meant to follow Christ and the freedom that comes from exposing the sin in your life to people you can trust. I want people to know that it doesn’t have to take a decade to come around. Deal with sin – the past and present — as soon as you can, because God can be trusted to heal and restore. Today, I’m walking in peace, I’m walking in Truth and I really feel like I can trust God. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I know God has forgiven me. My marriage is stronger and my past has been redeemed.” – Heath Johnson