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Community Group Assessment Questions

Posted by rbarry on December 21, 2010 | Filed under: Applying God's Word,Developing Relationships,Intimacy with Christ,Living the "One Anothers"

Here is a list of great questions for your group to work through over the course of your group.  Our elders try to work through one of the questions a week when they meet together.  It’s a good bulls-eye of what the scriptures tell us to aim for.  Pick 1-2 and work through them in community this week:

Community Group Assessment Questions
o Have you read and provided loving feedback on the 4B form of other members in your community?
o How consistent are you in praying for the burdens, or areas of spiritual growth, of other group members during the week?
o When was the last time you followed up on a prayer request with a note, phone call or question?
o When was the last time you celebrated a victory over sin of another group member?
o When was the last time you can remember when you were admonished by another member of your community to “excel still more” in your speech, conduct, love, faith or purity?
o When was the last time you admonished another member of your community in the area of speech, conduct, love, faith or purity?
o When was the last time you shared with your community what you personally read, learned and applied in your life from Gods word?
o What is the last verse your group has corporately committed to memory?
o When was the last time you discussed a spending decision with your community?
o When was the last time you discussed a giving decision with your community?
o When was the last time someone in the group was encouraged to serve in their area of giftedness and passion?
o Could you name the “Achilles heels” of others in your community? In what ways are you encouraging their growth in these areas? How have you helped them live wisely/be accountable based on your awareness?
o How are you spurring one another on to reach the lost? Does everyone in your group have a top 10 card?
o When was the last time y’all celebrated how an individual in your group was used to bring someone into a personal relationship with Christ?
o When is the last time you discussed, as spouses, the strengths and weaknesses of each other’s marriage?
o How are you doing at accepting and appreciating the one in the group that is most unlike you? Give an example.
o When was the last time you laughed together as a group?
o What was the last conflict in the group and how was it handled?
o When was the last time someone had to ask for forgiveness from the group?
o If your son or daughter was going to only rise to the level of spiritual maturity and faithfulness of the average “temperature” of your community, would you be excited?
o Do you know who your staff contact is for your community group?

Emergency Room

Posted by rbarry on September 21, 2010 | Filed under: Developing Relationships,Living the "One Anothers"

So I spent the entire weekend (Friday night, Saturday, Sunday) in the hospital due to severe dehydration among other things.  Not the way I typically roll.  I had many great community moments besides the huge smoothie that was delivered by a friend or Laura’s cookies, but my favorite had to be the conversation between the doctor, my self and a friend in my community group.

The doctor is giving me the update on my lab work for my blood, and my friend starts asking the doctor all of these questions that i should know to ask, but I just don’t…..After answering the 3rd question from my friend, she looks at him and says, “excuse me, who are you”?

A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

We both laughed, and i responded, “He’s a friend that going to help run my house financially if I end up dying”.  She wasn’t really sure what to do with that….We got a good laugh by the whole conversation.

Yes, Your Roommate Applies!

Posted by rbarry on September 10, 2010 | Filed under: Applying God's Word,Living the "One Anothers"

So I’m not sure if your roommate is your spouse or not but I want to share something i have learned over the last month that my lack of application has caused destruction, division, and chaos.

29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.  – Eph. 4:29 (ESV)

29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. – Eph. 4:29 (NIV)

This should be a guiding verse for groups and the way that we talk with one another.  We are here to build people up so that they can be all that God has made them to be.  Our group has done a great job applying this verse,  and we are continuing to grow in our application of it.  So, if your group applies this verse, well done.  Your role is to sharpen people (Pr. 27) so that they can be effective in life and ministry through encouragement and helping our community see blind spots in their lives.  Yes, that means that you should long for others to expose blind spots in your life…

Here’s a place i have failed.  When I have disagreed with someone in my group, been misunderstood, or just a straight up conflict,  I will bring my wife into it way too early.  She’ll get a call on the way out of guys time, before i have examined myself, looked for the log in my eye, or asked the Lord to help me see my part in the disagreement.  This is very bad!  Typically, when I’m talking to my wife right after the disagreement/ conflict,   I have not built the person up that I disagreed with.  Which means, now my wife is on my side, she views the person in an unhealthy way, all because i did not work through the first step in the conflict: Examining myself and Looking for the “Log in my Eye” and I have not built the person up because they did not “agree” with me and my point-of-view.

It’s almost if i feel like Eph. 4:29 applies everywhere except for how I talk to my wife about others.

So yes, this verse does apply to what you say to your spouse/ roommate about others.  Have you been been convicted of this yet?  Happy weekend, Rb

Be a friend’s provision

Posted by rbarry on July 19, 2010 | Filed under: Developing Relationships,Living the "One Anothers"

So, I’ve spent the last 2 weeks  remodeling and moving, and two weeks before that packing the old house.  The last time Leslie and I bought a house and remodeled one was 6.5 years ago (let’s just round up to 7 because it sounds more epic).  I was 6.5 years younger, working part-time at Starbucks,  Leslie was the Sugar Momma, and we had no kids.  All that to say, The second day into the remodel, I was beat.  I’m talking straight-up-whipped….and if the Spirit is at WAR with the flesh (Gal. 5), the flesh was winning.  My attitude, mouth, compassion, and love for anything sacred was in the dump as I inhaled Sheetrock dust deep into my lungs.

That’s when God’s underserving grace, mercy, and provision showed up through people.  They painted, sheetrocked, wired, built a gate, moved, moved, moved, unpacked boxes, moved really heavy crates into the attic, etc.  People were there until 12am at night with work looking over their shoulder the next morning.

Encouragement that we find in Hebrews 3:13 and 10:24-25 has a little different flavor than it did two weeks ago.  Encouragement came through people just showing up and helping.  It’s crazy how your whole attitude and outlook can change just by having someone next to you in a very hard time.  They actually said nothing to encourage me, they were just there laboring beside me.    I was thinking through all of the hours of labor that people saved me, and it was over a 40 hour work week.  That’s bearing burdens.  Thank you God for providing for me and my family through your people.

Who do you need to call today to encourage with words?

You may need to just show up and be there, not say anything, just to encourage…who’s the person?

God wants YOU to be the means through which HE provides for someone (see 2 Cor. 1, 8, 9).

You Can Change

Posted by rbarry on June 2, 2010 | Filed under: Developing Relationships,Living the "One Anothers"

I’ve been reading this awesome book over the last month with a few guys called You Can Change by Tim Chester.  If I had to compare it with another book the closest book would be Search for Significance on our resource list.  It’s all about pealing back the onion and asking/answering the why behind change.  Here’s a great paragraph on community’s aspect of the change process, check it out…

Tim writes on page 155,

“One of the great things about living as part of a community is that in community people walk all over your idols.  People press your buttons.  That’s when we respond with bitterness, rage, and so on.  And that gives us opportunities to spot our idolatrous desires.

God is using the different people, the contrasting personalities, in your church to change your heart.  He’s using the difficult people, the annoying people, the sinful people.  He’s placed you together so you can rub off each other’s rough edges.  It’s as if God has put us like rocks , into a bag and is shaking us about so that we collide with one another.  Sometimes sparks fly, but gradually we become beautiful, smooth gemstones.  Remember the next time some is rubbing you the wrong way that God is smoothing you down!  God has given you that person in his love as a gift to make you holy.  Sinclair Ferguson comments, ‘the church is a community in which we receive spiritual help, but also one in which deep-seated problems will come to the surface and will require treatment…We often discover things about our own hearts which we never anticipated.’”

Back to Rob, if you’re living in community you know what he’s talking about..unless you really believe that the problem in your group is someone else….  Let me know your thoughts.  Rb

Revealing Questions

Posted by rbarry on May 21, 2010 | Filed under: Authentic Sharing,Developing Relationships,Living the "One Anothers"

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper,
but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.  Proverbs 28:13

I was very encouraged last week by a visit to a men’s time over breakfast.  It was great to hear them confess and forsake sin and a to see mercy and acceptance from men who have a few years of mileage between them.  Here are the questions that they weekly ask each other.

  1. What has  intimacy with your wife look like this week?  (Marrieds only)
  2. What has purity looked like this past week?
  3. What has God taught you over the past week?
  4. Is there anything else big going on in your life?

Life Lessons and 4-Square

I’ve wanted to celebrate this aspect of 4 square for quite some time now and today is the day.  I must always emphasize that 4 square is the official game of community, so with that being said, 4 square is the official game of community.  We, as community directors at Watermark, want to practice what we preach, and the desire to never be called a hypocrites fuels us to get our weekly “game in” at work; it has become our male bonding time.

In games, rules are everything, and to no surprise there is a whole website http://www.squarefour.org/rules , and 4 square community dedicated to the official play of this fine game.  It’s funny how much “gray” there is in what seems to be very black and white rules.  For example, check out this rule on serving:

“Serves are meant to place the ball fairly into play and must be returnable by the player in square one, generally taking its first bounce near the center of square one. As they say on playgrounds, “No blood on serves.”

My question is…”what’s returnable”.  It’s up to the discretion of the other 3 players.  You would find it shocking how disagreements and almost bloodshed there has been over the “gray” areas in the rules, and we all love each other and are paid to help people live in community.

Sound a little like community?  We have these guiding values in scripture (see some previous posts or click on resource tab), but there is alot of gray when you are doing relationships with others.   Love is the guiding principle (Matt 22).

But  here is the most celebrated aspect and virtue of 4 square:  THE SELF CALL

This will all translate to community in a minute, but the self call is just like it sounds.  Calling yourself out when you know you are out of bounds or when you know you have violated a rule.  It’s extremely hard because even in a game like 4 square, you want to win, you want to self-preserve, and be the victor.  When we walk in the flesh (Gal. 5) we operate in a similar way.  Here’s the translation…

There is nothing better in community then when someone demonstrates humility.  They come to you and confess their sin that they were “out of bounds”.  Like this, “What I did, what i said, was not how Jesus wants me to respond to you, will you forgive me?”

As a recipient, one of the best phrases you will ever hear is, “i hurt you, will you forgive me”, “i invalidated you will you forgive me”, I wasn’t gentle, kind, good, joyful, peaceful, loving, humble, (fill in the blank), when i did this to you, will you forgive me?”

There are plenty of passages on forgiveness like Matt. 18 (parable of the unmerciful servant), and going to be reconciled with your brother (matt 5:23-24), and confessing sin (james 5:16), but i want you to chew on this passage.

And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” 17And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” – Mark 2:16-17

One of the marks of a follower of Jesus is one who knows that their heart is sick and unrighteous (Jer. 17:9), and there is something freeing about being with people in your community that constantly affirm that they are sick and they are following the physician who is restoring life to them and making them well.  Do you see the connection with the self-call.  Having a proper view of yourself as a sinner who is saved by grace, but who continues to sin (until the resurrection), has a sense of humility that will seek out their brother to ask forgiveness or make the “self-call”.  They are healthy believers and people to live in community with.  When was the last time you made a “self call”?  When you sought someone out just to ask for their forgiveness?  Start with your wife…when?  Your community…when?  Something to chew on.  Peace out.  Rob

Community at Watermark

Posted by jhawkins on February 7, 2010 | Filed under: Living the "One Anothers" — Tags: , , , ,

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You’re not alone. Thousands attend Watermark each week. But it can be easy to get lost in the crowd and feel alone.

Be part of a Community Group. This isn’t just another meeting. It’s how you’ll finally start living the life you’ve always wanted—the life God is calling you to experience and enjoy.

Living in community isn’t a new idea. It’s God’s idea. 

And let us take thought of how to spur one another on to love and good works, not abandoning our own meetings, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other and even more so because you see the day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25

They were devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Acts 2:42

The world says to keep others at a distance and work through problems in isolation with self-help books and TV shows.  

But in Genesis 2:18, God said it isn’t good for man to be alone. When you examine the Scriptures it’s easy to see why. The benefits of living in community are many, and so are the dangers of living in isolation. 

The Bible provides excellent examples of what living in community could and should look like. God lives in eternal community, Jesus lived in community with his 12 disciples, and the early church lived in community. Now it’s your turn.

Calling My Own Bluff

Posted by rbarry on March 1, 2009 | Filed under: Living the "One Anothers" — Tags: , ,

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I’ve been reminded of something lately that I’m not proud of, namely,  I’m not frequently going before the Lord and praying for the people in my community.  I had a great conversation with a friend a few weeks ago who mentioned that his friends were not asking about how his struggles were going.  Unfortunately, I saw a lot of his friends in myself.  We spend a good deal of time on the community team talking about he “one another’s” and specifically two that i have been convicted about over the last two weeks have been:

Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the Law of Christ -Gal. 6:2

Confess you sins to one another, and pray for one another, and you will be healed. – James 5:16.

Here’s what’s hard to stomach for me, I haven’t been faithful in living out these verses with the 5 men in my group and let alone the 6 wives.    I think it’s a great place to start the 2010 year is to work towards being faithful and obedient to these two verses.  If I can take ground by applying these verses as a follower of Christ, then it will be a successful year.  There is much to process about the “why” behind my actions.

So let me make a connection that may be true for you, and is true for me.  That I best follow up with people that I pray for.  The contrary would be, if I am not actively talking this person before the lord, I rarely follow up with them.  Personally, I know that it feels amazing when someone cares enough about me to follow up with me, even if they really don’t care, it communicates to me that they care.

How well are you living out these two verses with the 5-10 people you call your community and you provision from God?

If you were to ask everyone in your group about the two areas that you would like them “taking to the Lord,” what would they say?