Community at Watermark

Hey guys, sorry it’s been a couple of weeks.  Had blogged a week or so ago, but thankfully there are a few of us who read my stuff just to make sure theology is on. Community is a good thing.  With that being said, the last blog is being modified.

I wanted to share a great question we asked this morning at our guys time at Starbucks.  We started talking through some of the verses in Proverbs 27, which is one of my favorite chapters in all of scripture.  Here’s a couple of verses

that launched us into discussion.

“As Iron Sharpens Iron, So one man sharpens another” – Pr. 27:17

“Faithful are the wounds are a friend,  profuse are the kisses of the enemy” – Pr. 27:6

The idea around the last verse is this: what friend has told you something about yourself that you didn’t want to hear, but was true.

Like a friend who exposed a character flaw in you that you were unaware of…

Like area in your life that is not honoring or glorifying to God…

When has someone loved you enough to be honest with you?

So, here’s the question we asked…

When was the last time you can remember someone here (there were 5 guys sitting around a table) faithfully wounded you?

I had a story, which means that the other four guys had been faithful friends. It was sobering to me that i need to be a more faithful friend to those i say i am committed to.  Grateful for you guys!  So, i encourage you to ask the same question and sit on the same passage.  Let me know how it goes….

Hey guys, thanks to everyone who came out to our training sessions last night.  I was so encouraged by the questions that people came up with last night in my class, Going Beyond the Supper Club, that i wanted to post them so all could benefit.  The talk was about driving for depth in your community and going after aspects in our life that are below the surface not just the symptoms.  Scripture uses the word “Heart” to define the inmost part of a person: his will, desire, emotions, feelings, the core of who you are.  So, if these questions seem different than ones you may be asking people in your community group, know that the context of these questions is going after biblical “heart”.  Hope one or two of the questions will help your community group go below the surface.  Rob

Here are great questions to ask around people in your community group processing issues with scripture:

1)What scripture this week is tearing out your heart?

2) How are you applying what you read this week?

3) How have you been meditating on scripture this week? (Ps. 1)

4)How have your feelings or emotions lined up with scripture this week?

5) How are you taking every thought captive?  (2 Cor. 10)

6) What is an area of your life that the Lord wants to free you of?

Here are accountability questions to ask:

1) Who did you hurt this week or who has been hurt by your actions?

2)Who have you asked for forgiveness this week?

3) What were some the feelings, thoughts, emotions that you had before you sinned?

4)What have you struggled with this week?

5)What is something in you that is unloving?

6) What has consumed you this week?

7) What scripture speaks into you situation this week?

I’ve wanted to celebrate this aspect of 4 square for quite some time now and today is the day.  I must always emphasize that 4 square is the official game of community, so with that being said, 4 square is the official game of community.  We, as community directors at Watermark, want to practice what we preach, and the desire to never be called a hypocrites fuels us to get our weekly “game in” at work; it has become our male bonding time.

In games, rules are everything, and to no surprise there is a whole website http://www.squarefour.org/rules , and 4 square community dedicated to the official play of this fine game.  It’s funny how much “gray” there is in what seems to be very black and white rules.  For example, check out this rule on serving:

“Serves are meant to place the ball fairly into play and must be returnable by the player in square one, generally taking its first bounce near the center of square one. As they say on playgrounds, “No blood on serves.”

My question is…”what’s returnable”.  It’s up to the discretion of the other 3 players.  You would find it shocking how disagreements and almost bloodshed there has been over the “gray” areas in the rules, and we all love each other and are paid to help people live in community.

Sound a little like community?  We have these guiding values in scripture (see some previous posts or click on resource tab), but there is alot of gray when you are doing relationships with others.   Love is the guiding principle (Matt 22).

But  here is the most celebrated aspect and virtue of 4 square:  THE SELF CALL

This will all translate to community in a minute, but the self call is just like it sounds.  Calling yourself out when you know you are out of bounds or when you know you have violated a rule.  It’s extremely hard because even in a game like 4 square, you want to win, you want to self-preserve, and be the victor.  When we walk in the flesh (Gal. 5) we operate in a similar way.  Here’s the translation…

There is nothing better in community then when someone demonstrates humility.  They come to you and confess their sin that they were “out of bounds”.  Like this, “What I did, what i said, was not how Jesus wants me to respond to you, will you forgive me?”

As a recipient, one of the best phrases you will ever hear is, “i hurt you, will you forgive me”, “i invalidated you will you forgive me”, I wasn’t gentle, kind, good, joyful, peaceful, loving, humble, (fill in the blank), when i did this to you, will you forgive me?”

There are plenty of passages on forgiveness like Matt. 18 (parable of the unmerciful servant), and going to be reconciled with your brother (matt 5:23-24), and confessing sin (james 5:16), but i want you to chew on this passage.

“And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” ¹⁷And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” – Mark 2:16-17

One of the marks of a follower of Jesus is one who knows that their heart is sick and unrighteous (Jer. 17:9), and there is something freeing about being with people in your community that constantly affirm that they are sick and they are following the physician who is restoring life to them and making them well.  Do you see the connection with the self-call.  Having a proper view of yourself as a sinner who is saved by grace, but who continues to sin (until the resurrection), has a sense of humility that will seek out their brother to ask forgiveness or make the “self-call”.  They are healthy believers and people to live in community with.  When was the last time you made a “self call”?  When you sought someone out just to ask for their forgiveness?  Start with your wife…when?  Your community…when?  Something to chew on.  Peace out.  Rob

I’ve been doing a lotof thinking just around the topic of prayer and specifically how we pray.  Prayer tends to be focused around changing circumstances vs praying to conform into the image of Christ.  Just let that sink in for awhile… Think about how we typically talk about prayer requests or take prayer requests from our community of friends.  Typically it’s about asking the Lord to change something outside of us.

Here’s a few examples:  “My mom is sick, pray that the Lord would heal her”, “pray for my job, my boss is driving me crazy”, “pray that a buyer buys our house”, “pray that my brother would be saved”, or “pray for my relationship with my girlfriend around purity”.    Sound familiar?

For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son,in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.-Romans 8:29

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

So how do we begin to ask for prayer around conformation and as we lead people and teach them about prayer?

So, take the double fake “prayer requests” I listed above.  Think though how you would move peoples requests towards conformity prayer.

“My mom is sick, pray that the Lord would heal her”–> “Pray that I would believe that the Lord is Good (Ps. 100) even in the midst of mom’s sickness, and that the Lord would heal my mom.”

“pray for my job, my boss is driving me crazy” –> “pray that I would demonstrate patience (Gal. 5) and Contentness (Phil 3) and a love for my boss who feels like an enemy (matt. 5)”

“pray that a buyer buys our house” –> “Pray that the Lord would make me content even if no one buys our house and gives me peace (Gal 5)”

“pray that my brother would be saved” –> “Pray that my brother would be saved, that I would trust that only God can open his eyes (Luke 24:45), and for boldness on my part (2 Cor. 3:12). “

“pray for my relationship with my girlfriend around purity”. –> “Pray that I would find contentment in the Lord, that he would be enough to satisfy (phil 3-4) and that i would find life in being obedient to the king around purity (1 Cor. 6)”

I think you get the point.  Not that we shouldn’t pray for external circumstances, but our focus should be internal conformation.  The overwhelming model Paul gives us in his letters is not to get out of prison, which had to be miserable if you have ever seen a dungeon or ancient prison, but that the he would look like Christ in prison to those the Lord put in his path.

So, how are you doing modeling this?  How well is your group doing here?  Try asking this question next time you are taking prayer requests, “hey what do you think the Lord would like to change in you around the issue you just mentioned”.    Also, it will let you know people very well and where they need to grow.  It will drive for incredible depth.  Let me know what you think.  Rob

It’s been refreshing to hang out with our group link groups over the past few weeks just to remind me what’s it’s like to start a group with people that you don’t know and you’re not totally sure if you really like them.  I’ve been stuck in my own journey with our 2.5 year group and feel like I can draw deep from the “experience well” and how scripture is grinding on us to help us love each other.  We’re in the stage where more and more issues are “put on the table” or exposed that they’re “not on the table”.  Here’s an example of what I mean, then I circle back to what I’m learning about new groups.

TV is one of those areas in my life that I don’t have self-control.  When it’s on, I have a hard time turning it off, when it’s off; I’m constantly thinking about what’s on.  When I’m tired, I think, “I’ll just watch a little bit of Letterman”, then an hour goes by and I’m exhausted the next day.  Anyway, I was obsessed about finding the right TV last holiday season.  I’m a researcher, so literally 20 hours researching, looking at black Friday ads, etc. and the men in my group said, “hold on…you’ve been telling us that TV is an area in your life that kills your engagement with your family, you can’t demonstrate self control, sucks life out of you, why would you want to buy something that you feel like doesn’t help you engage your family or Jesus?”  All that to say that I was ticked.   The option of not buying a TV for me was not even “on the table”.  I was going to buy a TV; I just need help buying the right TV.  I drove away from that Starbucks, thinking…scripture would call me a fool (Pr 10:8; 12:15if I would ignore the counsel of those around me.

I didn’t buy the TV, the cable got disconnected, and I haven’t watched 1 minute of TV in my house since Thanksgiving. My connection with my family has been better than ever.  So in my group’s life stage it’s about “what is not on the table”?  Is the way you spend money, the schools your kids go to, your sex life (married), free time, etc.  That’s our life stage.

I always wanted to paint the vision for new groups as getting to a place to “what’s not on the table” and more and more I feel like that may be wrong.  It’s almost like telling my almost 4 year old son Jackson that Christ is calling us to die to ourselves daily and physically for his name’s sake), “if anyone wants to save his life he must lose it (Mt. 16:25)”.  He’s just not there yet, but by God’s grace we will get there.  Right now we’re talking with Jackson about God and being thankful for God’s provision.  You talk to groups, cast vision for groups the same way you would your child; it’s all about life stage.  So here’s my plea and vision for new groups (groups under a year)…

Plant the Tree.  15 years ago my friend’s dad told me something that I have gone back to over and over again.  Plant the Tree.  It had to do with a political decision that was the best thing for our country, but it would take 15 years to generate huge financial value.  So think huge investment with no payout for 15 years.  My friend’s dad said, “When’s the best time to plant the tree?”  I looked at him with a blank stare.  “15 years ago”, he said.  Still a blank stare because I know nothing about trees and didn’t know at the time he was speaking figuratively.  “When’s the second best time to plant the tree”, he said  with a pause, “Today”.

Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean,

but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox (Pr. 14:4)

So my ask is, are you willing to plant the tree today?  Put work in to dig the hole and plant the tree (commit to meeting together), and water the newly planted tree so it can survive the shock stage (start getting real with each other over time), and realize that if you don’t care for the tree, fertilize it and water it will die (you must nurture the group with the only thing that matters Christ-Jn. 15:5).  It may take years to get any shade, but are you doing the things you need to do to get there?

I love our church…I feel like everytime I say this I have to qualify it with, not more than Jesus, it’s not because of the building, and it is not because we talk about how imperfect we are.  It is due to how we try and reflect Christ and try to challenge folks to do Matthew 22:37-40, Love God, Serve Others, even if it means doing the function of church differently on Sunday.

A few Sunday’s ago was one of those times.  It was dedicated to showing folks how they can do something to make Jesus better known.  We lined our hallways with booths that had people from our body or people that we have thrown in with that serve in many capacities.  Some opportunities were places to serve right here in our city, some were places to serve around the world and even the soft toss local serving opportunity here in our own body.

The bottom line, there are so many opportunities right in front of us every day and we just need to make a decision to do it!  I posted for your viewing pleasure a great video of a women’s community group that has decided to serve as a group.  Great stuff that is happening for the group and as they tell and show God’s love by doing.  The great line in this video for me was, “We couldn’t do everything and we couldn’t do nothing, but we could to do something.”

Let’s do something!

You’re not alone. Thousands attend Watermark each week. But it can be easy to get lost in the crowd and feel alone.

Be part of a Community Group. This isn’t just another meeting. It’s how you’ll finally start living the life you’ve always wanted—the life God is calling you to experience and enjoy.

Living in community isn’t a new idea. It’s God’s idea. 

And let us take thought of how to spur one another on to love and good works, not abandoning our own meetings, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other and even more so because you see the day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25

They were devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Acts 2:42

The world says to keep others at a distance and work through problems in isolation with self-help books and TV shows.  

But in Genesis 2:18, God said it isn’t good for man to be alone. When you examine the Scriptures it’s easy to see why. The benefits of living in community are many, and so are the dangers of living in isolation. 

The Bible provides excellent examples of what living in community could and should look like. God lives in eternal community, Jesus lived in community with his 12 disciples, and the early church lived in community. Now it’s your turn.

As a leader of a community group, we were introduced to the “MoneyWise” process a little over a year ago.  As leaders we committed to taking our group through the 6 week curriculum within one year of the training.  The process asks for two major action items:  be willing to investigate what God’s heart is concerning money and be willing to share your finances with those in your community.  It’s a frightening ask.  It’s scary to be accountable to what God says about money and others who say they love you.   I’m comfortable when it comes to money and sometimes l feel like I’m losing freedom to do what I want to do with my finances.  Second, do I want to open the door to sinfully judge others’ checkbooks and be judged by others?  There have been different levels of anxiety leading up to this process with my own community.  I have realized during the process that this is an amazing way to “be known”.  If Scripture really values being known, transparent, and authentic, then there is no better exercise than to practice those values.  It’s been said before that “what your checkbook values, you value” and “your checkbook is the one area of the spiritual life you can’t fake.”  It has been an amazing process for me, my wife, and our community.  Mainly because it forces you to communicate as couples and with each other about what’s important.  There’s a great budgeting exercise that asks you about ranking line items in your budget as essential and non-essential.  This is where it get’s crazy for couples.  The cable TV that he thinks is necessary she ranks as non-essential.  The facials that she ranks as necessary he sees as unnecessary.  It becomes a great communication exercise for couples that brings about “oneness” (Matthew 19) and also “oneness” for the community group.  As a result of disclosing our financial budget to other couples, they discovered that I was overpaying $700 a year for home insurance.  I love it when willingness to be authentic and faithful to God’s word saves you $700 a year.  That’s money!  I was reading in John Ortergs’s book When the Game is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box, and came across this chart and quote on essentials.

Below are items rated as necessities by American in 1970 as compared to 2000:

                                                1970                       2000

Second Car                         20%                        59%

Second TV                           3%                          45%

More than one phone   2%                          78%

Car air-conditioning         11%                        65%

Dishwasher                        8%                          44%

In a Gallup poll, the respondents, on average, said that 21 percent of Americans are rich.  But only 0.5 percent said they were rich.  Everybody thinks he needs one thing to make himself rich: more.  We suffer from a phenomenon called “reference anxiety,” more often referred to as “keeping up with the Joneses.” – 194

I just finished up spending 6 weeks working through the book Habitudes with 7 guys who are leading in some capacity and we had a blast!  It’s a great book that works through the issue of self-leadership, namely building into your character, which happens on two fronts:

1)       We must lead and feed ourselves before we can expect to lead others.

2)       We must know who we are. 

Sounds simple right?  Question, do you know your top spiritual gifts?  Or let me take it a step further, can you look around your own community and peg each person’s spiritual gifts?  Try it.  It’s a blast!  Think about the quality that you have seen modeled by people in your group over the last 6 months, it’s most likely their top gift.  Here’s what’s fun:  the transformation that we find in Romans 12:2 is directly tied to Romans 12:3-8 where we find that each person has been gifted by the Spirit in a different way.  God uses the Spirit, His Word, and His people in our transformational process.  If you know me, I desperately need people around me with the gift of mercy, in order that I would be transformed more into the character of the most merciful man, Jesus.  Thank God for my wife and a couple of people in my community.  Here are two awesome exercises:

1)       Take the Spiritual Gifts Assessment and send it to your community, and have them answer based on past actions, not who they think they should be.

2)      Celebrate how each person’s God-given gifts have been used to transform you.

I was visiting with a group this past Saturday night that I’m so fired up about.  One of the men asked me a question around some of the verses I used to communicate about function of community.  I mentioned to him that many of the verses that I run to when I want to define community were just verses that I memorized over the past year and even as recently as the past month.

I wanted to make those verses available to ya’ll, the people, but only if you have an iPhone.  You will need the iflipr app. Download it on your iPhone if you don’t have it.  Go to the “search option” at the bottom of the screen.  There will be two different decks:  One Anothers of Scripture and Community Verses. So, type in each deck in the search menu, download, and enjoy. Hope 2010 is a year where your heart is more and more aligned with God’s Word.  Rob