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Going Beyond the Supper Club

Hey guys, thanks to everyone who came out to our training sessions last night.  I was so encouraged by the questions that people came up with last night in my class, Going Beyond the Supper Club, that i wanted to post them so all could benefit.  The talk was about driving for depth in your community and going after aspects in our life that are below the surface not just the symptoms.  Scripture uses the word “Heart” to define the inmost part of a person: his will, desire, emotions, feelings, the core of who you are.  So, if these questions seem different than ones you may be asking people in your community group, know that the context of these questions is going after biblical “heart”.  Hope one or two of the questions will help your community group go below the surface.  Rob

Here are great questions to ask around people in your community group processing issues with scripture:

1)What scripture this week is tearing out your heart?

2) How are you applying what you read this week?

3) How have you been meditating on scripture this week? (Ps. 1)

4)How have your feelings or emotions lined up with scripture this week?

5) How are you taking every thought captive?  (2 Cor. 10)

6) What is an area of your life that the Lord wants to free you of?

Here are accountability questions to ask:

1) Who did you hurt this week or who has been hurt by your actions?

2)Who have you asked for forgiveness this week?

3) What were some the feelings, thoughts, emotions that you had before you sinned?

4)What have you struggled with this week?

5)What is something in you that is unloving?

6) What has consumed you this week?

7) What scripture speaks into you situation this week?

Life Lessons and 4-Square

I’ve wanted to celebrate this aspect of 4 square for quite some time now and today is the day.  I must always emphasize that 4 square is the official game of community, so with that being said, 4 square is the official game of community.  We, as community directors at Watermark, want to practice what we preach, and the desire to never be called a hypocrites fuels us to get our weekly “game in” at work; it has become our male bonding time.

In games, rules are everything, and to no surprise there is a whole website http://www.squarefour.org/rules , and 4 square community dedicated to the official play of this fine game.  It’s funny how much “gray” there is in what seems to be very black and white rules.  For example, check out this rule on serving:

“Serves are meant to place the ball fairly into play and must be returnable by the player in square one, generally taking its first bounce near the center of square one. As they say on playgrounds, “No blood on serves.”

My question is…”what’s returnable”.  It’s up to the discretion of the other 3 players.  You would find it shocking how disagreements and almost bloodshed there has been over the “gray” areas in the rules, and we all love each other and are paid to help people live in community.

Sound a little like community?  We have these guiding values in scripture (see some previous posts or click on resource tab), but there is alot of gray when you are doing relationships with others.   Love is the guiding principle (Matt 22).

But  here is the most celebrated aspect and virtue of 4 square:  THE SELF CALL

This will all translate to community in a minute, but the self call is just like it sounds.  Calling yourself out when you know you are out of bounds or when you know you have violated a rule.  It’s extremely hard because even in a game like 4 square, you want to win, you want to self-preserve, and be the victor.  When we walk in the flesh (Gal. 5) we operate in a similar way.  Here’s the translation…

There is nothing better in community then when someone demonstrates humility.  They come to you and confess their sin that they were “out of bounds”.  Like this, “What I did, what i said, was not how Jesus wants me to respond to you, will you forgive me?”

As a recipient, one of the best phrases you will ever hear is, “i hurt you, will you forgive me”, “i invalidated you will you forgive me”, I wasn’t gentle, kind, good, joyful, peaceful, loving, humble, (fill in the blank), when i did this to you, will you forgive me?”

There are plenty of passages on forgiveness like Matt. 18 (parable of the unmerciful servant), and going to be reconciled with your brother (matt 5:23-24), and confessing sin (james 5:16), but i want you to chew on this passage.

And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” 17And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” – Mark 2:16-17

One of the marks of a follower of Jesus is one who knows that their heart is sick and unrighteous (Jer. 17:9), and there is something freeing about being with people in your community that constantly affirm that they are sick and they are following the physician who is restoring life to them and making them well.  Do you see the connection with the self-call.  Having a proper view of yourself as a sinner who is saved by grace, but who continues to sin (until the resurrection), has a sense of humility that will seek out their brother to ask forgiveness or make the “self-call”.  They are healthy believers and people to live in community with.  When was the last time you made a “self call”?  When you sought someone out just to ask for their forgiveness?  Start with your wife…when?  Your community…when?  Something to chew on.  Peace out.  Rob

Rethinking Prayer

I’ve been doing a lotof thinking just around the topic of prayer and specifically how we pray.  Prayer tends to be focused around changing circumstances vs praying to conform into the image of Christ.  Just let that sink in for awhile… Think about how we typically talk about prayer requests or take prayer requests from our community of friends.  Typically it’s about asking the Lord to change something outside of us.

Here’s a few examples:  “My mom is sick, pray that the Lord would heal her”, “pray for my job, my boss is driving me crazy”, “pray that a buyer buys our house”, “pray that my brother would be saved”, or “pray for my relationship with my girlfriend around purity”.    Sound familiar?

For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son,in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.-Romans 8:29

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

So how do we begin to ask for prayer around conformation and as we lead people and teach them about prayer?

So, take the double fake “prayer requests” I listed above.  Think though how you would move peoples requests towards conformity prayer.

“My mom is sick, pray that the Lord would heal her”–> “Pray that I would believe that the Lord is Good (Ps. 100) even in the midst of mom’s sickness, and that the Lord would heal my mom.”

“pray for my job, my boss is driving me crazy” –> “pray that I would demonstrate patience (Gal. 5) and Contentness (Phil 3) and a love for my boss who feels like an enemy (matt. 5)”

“pray that a buyer buys our house” –> “Pray that the Lord would make me content even if no one buys our house and gives me peace (Gal 5)”

“pray that my brother would be saved” –> “Pray that my brother would be saved, that I would trust that only God can open his eyes (Luke 24:45), and for boldness on my part (2 Cor. 3:12). “

“pray for my relationship with my girlfriend around purity”. –> “Pray that I would find contentment in the Lord, that he would be enough to satisfy (phil 3-4) and that i would find life in being obedient to the king around purity (1 Cor. 6)”

I think you get the point.  Not that we shouldn’t pray for external circumstances, but our focus should be internal conformation.  The overwhelming model Paul gives us in his letters is not to get out of prison, which had to be miserable if you have ever seen a dungeon or ancient prison, but that the he would look like Christ in prison to those the Lord put in his path.

So, how are you doing modeling this?  How well is your group doing here?  Try asking this question next time you are taking prayer requests, “hey what do you think the Lord would like to change in you around the issue you just mentioned”.    Also, it will let you know people very well and where they need to grow.  It will drive for incredible depth.  Let me know what you think.  Rob

 

Plant the Tree

It’s been refreshing to hang out with our group link groups over the past few weeks just to remind me what’s it’s like to start a group with people that you don’t know and you’re not totally sure if you really like them.  I’ve been stuck in my own journey with our 2.5 year group and feel like I can draw deep from the “experience well” and how scripture is grinding on us to help us love each other.  We’re in the stage where more and more issues are “put on the table” or exposed that they’re “not on the table”.  Here’s an example of what I mean, then I circle back to what I’m learning about new groups.

TV is one of those areas in my life that I don’t have self-control.  When it’s on, I have a hard time turning it off, when it’s off; I’m constantly thinking about what’s on.  When I’m tired, I think, “I’ll just watch a little bit of Letterman”, then an hour goes by and I’m exhausted the next day.  Anyway, I was obsessed about finding the right TV last holiday season.  I’m a researcher, so literally 20 hours researching, looking at black Friday ads, etc. and the men in my group said, “hold on…you’ve been telling us that TV is an area in your life that kills your engagement with your family, you can’t demonstrate self control, sucks life out of you, why would you want to buy something that you feel like doesn’t help you engage your family or Jesus?”  All that to say that I was ticked.   The option of not buying a TV for me was not even “on the table”.  I was going to buy a TV; I just need help buying the right TV.  I drove away from that Starbucks, thinking…scripture would call me a fool (Pr 10:8; 12:15if I would ignore the counsel of those around me.

I didn’t buy the TV, the cable got disconnected, and I haven’t watched 1 minute of TV in my house since Thanksgiving. My connection with my family has been better than ever.  So in my group’s life stage it’s about “what is not on the table”?  Is the way you spend money, the schools your kids go to, your sex life (married), free time, etc.  That’s our life stage.

I always wanted to paint the vision for new groups as getting to a place to “what’s not on the table” and more and more I feel like that may be wrong.  It’s almost like telling my almost 4 year old son Jackson that Christ is calling us to die to ourselves daily and physically for his name’s sake), “if anyone wants to save his life he must lose it (Mt. 16:25)”.  He’s just not there yet, but by God’s grace we will get there.  Right now we’re talking with Jackson about God and being thankful for God’s provision.  You talk to groups, cast vision for groups the same way you would your child; it’s all about life stage.  So here’s my plea and vision for new groups (groups under a year)…

Plant the Tree.  15 years ago my friend’s dad told me something that I have gone back to over and over again.  Plant the Tree.  It had to do with a political decision that was the best thing for our country, but it would take 15 years to generate huge financial value.  So think huge investment with no payout for 15 years.  My friend’s dad said, “When’s the best time to plant the tree?”  I looked at him with a blank stare.  “15 years ago”, he said.  Still a blank stare because I know nothing about trees and didn’t know at the time he was speaking figuratively.  “When’s the second best time to plant the tree”, he said  with a pause, “Today”.

Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean,

but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox (Pr. 14:4)

So my ask is, are you willing to plant the tree today?  Put work in to dig the hole and plant the tree (commit to meeting together), and water the newly planted tree so it can survive the shock stage (start getting real with each other over time), and realize that if you don’t care for the tree, fertilize it and water it will die (you must nurture the group with the only thing that matters Christ-Jn. 15:5).  It may take years to get any shade, but are you doing the things you need to do to get there?

Community at Watermark

Posted by jhawkins on February 7, 2010 | Filed under: Living the "One Anothers" — Tags: , , , ,

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You’re not alone. Thousands attend Watermark each week. But it can be easy to get lost in the crowd and feel alone.

Be part of a Community Group. This isn’t just another meeting. It’s how you’ll finally start living the life you’ve always wanted—the life God is calling you to experience and enjoy.

Living in community isn’t a new idea. It’s God’s idea. 

And let us take thought of how to spur one another on to love and good works, not abandoning our own meetings, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other and even more so because you see the day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25

They were devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Acts 2:42

The world says to keep others at a distance and work through problems in isolation with self-help books and TV shows.  

But in Genesis 2:18, God said it isn’t good for man to be alone. When you examine the Scriptures it’s easy to see why. The benefits of living in community are many, and so are the dangers of living in isolation. 

The Bible provides excellent examples of what living in community could and should look like. God lives in eternal community, Jesus lived in community with his 12 disciples, and the early church lived in community. Now it’s your turn.

Commitment

Posted by rbarry on November 19, 2009 | Filed under: Developing Relationships — Tags: , , , ,

YouTube Preview ImageAt our conference, we announced the roll out of this blog for you, the people, the leader, and the community group.  Now almost three weeks later, we finally have most of the conference material uploaded and ready to open up for the benefit of your community.   We are not techies, so forgive us for the delay, but we are passionate about you and your community finding ultimate satisfaction in Christ in all aspects of life and committing yourself towards living life with others.   I hope the resources on  this site pushes you towards these two Goals ( loving God and loving others).

The further I move down the path with my own community group and now being an official “community guy” at Watermark, I’ve realized that everything in life comes down to commitment.  I am caring less and less about someones maturity (don’t get me wrong, the Lord cares about us being mature in our faith, see 1 Cor. 3), but more and more to one’s commitment.  So, give me a guy that has been in a relationship with Jesus for one day, who is “all in”, and committed verses the guy who Has known Jesus for 20 years, but won’t commit to do the hard things Jesus asks of us or commit to messy people (all of us).  Make sense?  More on Commitment in another blog, but I wanted to post one of the videos from the conference on Commitment.  Brent and Heather Bailey lead this group, which met for the first time at group link.  No one in the group knew each other, but they were committed to each other and doing the spiritual life together.  As a result, I have been blessed by watching crazy Christ honoring fruit (Jn. 15) come out of this group.  What’s funny, is that there are 8 couples in this group and i have suggested a time or two that they should divide or conquer because four couples seems way more manageable than eight, but they won’t have any of it.  I’m glad they have chosen to trust in God’s unlimited capacity, and i chose to trust in a formula.  Hope you enjoy this…

I’d like to thank you….the people.

Posted by rbarry on November 3, 2009 | Filed under: Applying God's Word — Tags: , , , ,

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I’ve been meaning to blog since the completion of the Community Leader Conference, which was Saturday at 1pm.  My fired up (!!!) meter has been through the roof and here’s the main reason:  YOU.  Community is all about the celebration of reconciled relationship in light of the ultimate celebrated reconciled relationship between believers and Yahweh.  The face to face conversations were the most exciting part of the entire 19 hours together, yes even more than all of the laughs, stare downs, water gun skits, and “fake gifts” Friday night.

Here’s the reason, life together while pursuing Christ.

Two weeks ago, 3 couples from my community group were eating together after our “group time”.  We began talking about Christ and Scripture memory, and I was totally encouraged by who we will refer to as “the Gertz”.  This year she has memorized the entire book of Colossians and is currently working on 1st John.  We asked her why she would memorize Colossians 4, which is where Paul mentions all of the people in the body of Christ who he has done life together.  “The Gertz” mentioned that chapter 4 gave her life, because apart from the individuals there is no Church of Colossae, and no letter to the church.  The chapter reminds her that the body of Christ is everything (forgive me Gertz if I butchered your explanation).

So, in light of Colossians 4, we are the body of Christ. What’s more fun that hanging with 700 people who are all pursuing Christ and committed to the local body of Christ that you serve with?  I though through all of the one-on-one conversations, and realized that these are the people that I love and who love me, not just in word or tongue, but in action and deed.  Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule with yourself, family, and friends and risking your time to come and hang with us.  The conference was a taste of the great ingathering when We will all love each other perfectly and worship together Yahweh, who eternally exists as the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  Be excited today that we are one day closer today to our hope…

Confessional Community

Posted by jhawkins on October 29, 2009 | Filed under: Authentic Sharing — Tags: , , , ,

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Out of all of the elements that are the makeup of authentic biblical community, confession is the value and action that carries the most weight with me.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not disagreeing with Jesus in Matthew 22 when He says that the two greatest commandments are loving God and loving others, I simply believe confession is an action that kills two birds with one stone.  My life has changed dramatically as I have meditated on James 5:16, “therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other, so that you may be healed.”  Let me briefly flush out the “stone of confession” as seen in community.  Now, I get upset stomach thinking about confessing to my wife and my guys group that I got stuck watching 5 minutes of Spike TV, where women were not fully clothed, but there is healing there.

We have a God that has not only saved us eternally, but wants to redeem, deliver, and save us out of something right now.  Just for fun, watch how Jesus always wants to pull people out of their current situation and have them find life in Him.  So, confession is the act of communicating two truths to God and others:  1) the sin that I have run to and  2) I am trusting the Lord to save me out of this sin.  The act of trusting God is the action of loving God, and it is loving others enough to let people know, “the true you.”   John Cox always says, “Facts are your friends,” which is a statement that I love but the reality of the facts are hard to swallow.  Communicating to people around you, “the facts” about who you are allows them to participate and watch a transforming and saving God work in your life.  Leaders are people who lead out and set the culture around them.  How are you leading out in the area of confession?  What sin do you need to confess to those in your community, so that you can be known and that they can know what God is saving you out of?

By: Rob Barry

Calling My Own Bluff

Posted by rbarry on March 1, 2009 | Filed under: Living the "One Anothers" — Tags: , ,

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I’ve been reminded of something lately that I’m not proud of, namely,  I’m not frequently going before the Lord and praying for the people in my community.  I had a great conversation with a friend a few weeks ago who mentioned that his friends were not asking about how his struggles were going.  Unfortunately, I saw a lot of his friends in myself.  We spend a good deal of time on the community team talking about he “one another’s” and specifically two that i have been convicted about over the last two weeks have been:

Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the Law of Christ -Gal. 6:2

Confess you sins to one another, and pray for one another, and you will be healed. – James 5:16.

Here’s what’s hard to stomach for me, I haven’t been faithful in living out these verses with the 5 men in my group and let alone the 6 wives.    I think it’s a great place to start the 2010 year is to work towards being faithful and obedient to these two verses.  If I can take ground by applying these verses as a follower of Christ, then it will be a successful year.  There is much to process about the “why” behind my actions.

So let me make a connection that may be true for you, and is true for me.  That I best follow up with people that I pray for.  The contrary would be, if I am not actively talking this person before the lord, I rarely follow up with them.  Personally, I know that it feels amazing when someone cares enough about me to follow up with me, even if they really don’t care, it communicates to me that they care.

How well are you living out these two verses with the 5-10 people you call your community and you provision from God?

If you were to ask everyone in your group about the two areas that you would like them “taking to the Lord,” what would they say?