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Life Lessons and 4-Square

I’ve wanted to celebrate this aspect of 4 square for quite some time now and today is the day.  I must always emphasize that 4 square is the official game of community, so with that being said, 4 square is the official game of community.  We, as community directors at Watermark, want to practice what we preach, and the desire to never be called a hypocrites fuels us to get our weekly “game in” at work; it has become our male bonding time.

In games, rules are everything, and to no surprise there is a whole website http://www.squarefour.org/rules , and 4 square community dedicated to the official play of this fine game.  It’s funny how much “gray” there is in what seems to be very black and white rules.  For example, check out this rule on serving:

“Serves are meant to place the ball fairly into play and must be returnable by the player in square one, generally taking its first bounce near the center of square one. As they say on playgrounds, “No blood on serves.”

My question is…”what’s returnable”.  It’s up to the discretion of the other 3 players.  You would find it shocking how disagreements and almost bloodshed there has been over the “gray” areas in the rules, and we all love each other and are paid to help people live in community.

Sound a little like community?  We have these guiding values in scripture (see some previous posts or click on resource tab), but there is alot of gray when you are doing relationships with others.   Love is the guiding principle (Matt 22).

But  here is the most celebrated aspect and virtue of 4 square:  THE SELF CALL

This will all translate to community in a minute, but the self call is just like it sounds.  Calling yourself out when you know you are out of bounds or when you know you have violated a rule.  It’s extremely hard because even in a game like 4 square, you want to win, you want to self-preserve, and be the victor.  When we walk in the flesh (Gal. 5) we operate in a similar way.  Here’s the translation…

There is nothing better in community then when someone demonstrates humility.  They come to you and confess their sin that they were “out of bounds”.  Like this, “What I did, what i said, was not how Jesus wants me to respond to you, will you forgive me?”

As a recipient, one of the best phrases you will ever hear is, “i hurt you, will you forgive me”, “i invalidated you will you forgive me”, I wasn’t gentle, kind, good, joyful, peaceful, loving, humble, (fill in the blank), when i did this to you, will you forgive me?”

There are plenty of passages on forgiveness like Matt. 18 (parable of the unmerciful servant), and going to be reconciled with your brother (matt 5:23-24), and confessing sin (james 5:16), but i want you to chew on this passage.

And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” 17And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” – Mark 2:16-17

One of the marks of a follower of Jesus is one who knows that their heart is sick and unrighteous (Jer. 17:9), and there is something freeing about being with people in your community that constantly affirm that they are sick and they are following the physician who is restoring life to them and making them well.  Do you see the connection with the self-call.  Having a proper view of yourself as a sinner who is saved by grace, but who continues to sin (until the resurrection), has a sense of humility that will seek out their brother to ask forgiveness or make the “self-call”.  They are healthy believers and people to live in community with.  When was the last time you made a “self call”?  When you sought someone out just to ask for their forgiveness?  Start with your wife…when?  Your community…when?  Something to chew on.  Peace out.  Rob

Plant the Tree

It’s been refreshing to hang out with our group link groups over the past few weeks just to remind me what’s it’s like to start a group with people that you don’t know and you’re not totally sure if you really like them.  I’ve been stuck in my own journey with our 2.5 year group and feel like I can draw deep from the “experience well” and how scripture is grinding on us to help us love each other.  We’re in the stage where more and more issues are “put on the table” or exposed that they’re “not on the table”.  Here’s an example of what I mean, then I circle back to what I’m learning about new groups.

TV is one of those areas in my life that I don’t have self-control.  When it’s on, I have a hard time turning it off, when it’s off; I’m constantly thinking about what’s on.  When I’m tired, I think, “I’ll just watch a little bit of Letterman”, then an hour goes by and I’m exhausted the next day.  Anyway, I was obsessed about finding the right TV last holiday season.  I’m a researcher, so literally 20 hours researching, looking at black Friday ads, etc. and the men in my group said, “hold on…you’ve been telling us that TV is an area in your life that kills your engagement with your family, you can’t demonstrate self control, sucks life out of you, why would you want to buy something that you feel like doesn’t help you engage your family or Jesus?”  All that to say that I was ticked.   The option of not buying a TV for me was not even “on the table”.  I was going to buy a TV; I just need help buying the right TV.  I drove away from that Starbucks, thinking…scripture would call me a fool (Pr 10:8; 12:15if I would ignore the counsel of those around me.

I didn’t buy the TV, the cable got disconnected, and I haven’t watched 1 minute of TV in my house since Thanksgiving. My connection with my family has been better than ever.  So in my group’s life stage it’s about “what is not on the table”?  Is the way you spend money, the schools your kids go to, your sex life (married), free time, etc.  That’s our life stage.

I always wanted to paint the vision for new groups as getting to a place to “what’s not on the table” and more and more I feel like that may be wrong.  It’s almost like telling my almost 4 year old son Jackson that Christ is calling us to die to ourselves daily and physically for his name’s sake), “if anyone wants to save his life he must lose it (Mt. 16:25)”.  He’s just not there yet, but by God’s grace we will get there.  Right now we’re talking with Jackson about God and being thankful for God’s provision.  You talk to groups, cast vision for groups the same way you would your child; it’s all about life stage.  So here’s my plea and vision for new groups (groups under a year)…

Plant the Tree.  15 years ago my friend’s dad told me something that I have gone back to over and over again.  Plant the Tree.  It had to do with a political decision that was the best thing for our country, but it would take 15 years to generate huge financial value.  So think huge investment with no payout for 15 years.  My friend’s dad said, “When’s the best time to plant the tree?”  I looked at him with a blank stare.  “15 years ago”, he said.  Still a blank stare because I know nothing about trees and didn’t know at the time he was speaking figuratively.  “When’s the second best time to plant the tree”, he said  with a pause, “Today”.

Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean,

but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox (Pr. 14:4)

So my ask is, are you willing to plant the tree today?  Put work in to dig the hole and plant the tree (commit to meeting together), and water the newly planted tree so it can survive the shock stage (start getting real with each other over time), and realize that if you don’t care for the tree, fertilize it and water it will die (you must nurture the group with the only thing that matters Christ-Jn. 15:5).  It may take years to get any shade, but are you doing the things you need to do to get there?

Confessional Community

Posted by jhawkins on October 29, 2009 | Filed under: Authentic Sharing — Tags: , , , ,

www.opinion250.com/images/long%20nose.jpg

Out of all of the elements that are the makeup of authentic biblical community, confession is the value and action that carries the most weight with me.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not disagreeing with Jesus in Matthew 22 when He says that the two greatest commandments are loving God and loving others, I simply believe confession is an action that kills two birds with one stone.  My life has changed dramatically as I have meditated on James 5:16, “therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other, so that you may be healed.”  Let me briefly flush out the “stone of confession” as seen in community.  Now, I get upset stomach thinking about confessing to my wife and my guys group that I got stuck watching 5 minutes of Spike TV, where women were not fully clothed, but there is healing there.

We have a God that has not only saved us eternally, but wants to redeem, deliver, and save us out of something right now.  Just for fun, watch how Jesus always wants to pull people out of their current situation and have them find life in Him.  So, confession is the act of communicating two truths to God and others:  1) the sin that I have run to and  2) I am trusting the Lord to save me out of this sin.  The act of trusting God is the action of loving God, and it is loving others enough to let people know, “the true you.”   John Cox always says, “Facts are your friends,” which is a statement that I love but the reality of the facts are hard to swallow.  Communicating to people around you, “the facts” about who you are allows them to participate and watch a transforming and saving God work in your life.  Leaders are people who lead out and set the culture around them.  How are you leading out in the area of confession?  What sin do you need to confess to those in your community, so that you can be known and that they can know what God is saving you out of?

By: Rob Barry