Externally Focused at Watermark

In June, the Lord stirred my heart to attend Camp Barnabas (http://www.campbarnabas.org/) with our High School students ministry. I know it had to have been the Lord to stir my heart, because quite frankly my flesh would not have had me give up a week long beach vacation with a friend, use up 9 vacation days, ride in a 8-10 hour bus ride with High School students to and from Missouri, and chosen to go knowing very few people. I remember Mike Shelton, our High School Director, recounting stories of kids that went last year and mentioning how incredibly difficult it was and how one student even came up to him mid-week and asked if he could go home, to which Mike replied no! I thought to myself in my pride, I am ten years older than they are…more mature even, there is no way that I will think along those same lines. The Lord in all His grace and mercy humbled me within those first 24 hours and I found myself thinking all those same thoughts and then began what ended up being one of the hardest weeks of my life and by the end of the week, one of my best. 

Having never been to camp before…I could only go off of what I had heard from friends that had grown up going to Kanakuk and Pine Cove. It seemed to all be summed up into one word: FUN. So, I thought I was going to go have fun for a week as I love on kids with severe handicaps and disabilities. Yes, you read that correctly. Kids with severe handicaps and disabilities. What was I thinking??!! Did I not think that it would stretch me in every way physically? Or what about emotionally as I gained perspective on their lives? Or even spiritually as I wrestled with why a 14 year old boy was in a wheelchair and I wasn’t?

Prior to camp, we received training on the various disabilities that the kids would have, how to respond to them, what their lives are like, how to maneuver their wheelchairs, how to take them up hills and down hills, etiquette, and so on. The campers all arrived on Wednesday and it was SO exciting! The camper gets off the car one by one and they are greeted with over a hundred girls and guys that are cheering, clapping, screaming, sweating, screaming some more, and sweating some more. It is quite the event!

As a cabin mom, my days began early as Jen (fellow cabin mom) would look at me from across the bunk and we would both acknowledge with only a look that our time in bed was over and it was time to get up and start the day. We would quickly get ready and head over to cabin G8, which happened to be the lowest functioning girls cabin that week. I am certain that the Lord in all His sovereignty had that planned all along. We arrived and would do an assessment of the room trying to see which counselor needed the most help to get their camper ready. The reality was, they all needed help. It was hard for any one of them to carry their camper in and out of their wheelchair on their own, change a brief on their own, go to the bathroom on their own, put on a shirt or a pair of shorts on their own and the list goes on. So, we would help as many as we could and then we would all head to Inspiration Point for a time of worship. After IP, we would head to breakfast and half of our cabin would go to the Fish House to get tube fed. The afternoon was filled with activities, anywhere from horseback riding, fishing, a petting zoo, gardening, a science project, arts & crafts, dress-up, swimming, a ropes course, you name it! Camp Barnabas is designed for kids with disabilities to do everything and anything that kids without disabilities can do at any other camp. It’s truly incredible and you can tell it makes an impact on these kids as they adventure out of their wheelchair, which can also be referred to as their comfort zone, because it’s where they spend most of their time and it’s all they know. One of our girls, the only gal in our cabin that was somewhat verbal, experienced going down the water slide for the first time this summer and for the rest of the day and night in her slurred speech, she would pick up her two fingers and tell everyone she came in contact with that she went down the slide two times. It was a beautiful picture to me of finding joy in the simplest and smallest things. We would then head to lunch, do more activities, head to dinner and then we had themed parties every night.

The last night was called “cross carry” as they carry a wooden cross from cabin to cabin as each group prays over the cross that has names of kids that have been campers and have since past away. You could hear some of the campers wailing, kids that recognized names on that cross. I am pretty certain I cried the entire time. I don’t think anyone knew what to do with me. After cross carry, they had “Say So,” where campers get to voluntarily share anything they want about camp. The theme throughout was evident, they all loved camp, didn’t want to leave, and most of all, they enjoyed feeling “normal.” What does normal mean anyway? Who would even classify themselves as such? That night everything came full circle for me. Everything that was hard that week had all become so easy as you saw how much this camp blesses these kids and in an instant, it all becomes worth it.

There was one boy at camp that stole my heart. I saw him during cross carry from afar with tear filled eyes and knew I had to meet him. I found him after “Say So” a bit away from all the commotion going back and forth in his motorized wheelchair as fast as he could go in one direction and then he would turn himself around and go as fast as he could in the other direction. He repeated this cycle over and over. It was as if it was his way of escaping. I went up to him and introduced myself. I asked him several more questions until we got to the topic of his siblings. He shared that he had two brothers and a sister and I asked if he had missed them. His reply was…”well, it can be hard sometimes.” I asked if he wanted to share why, and he replied, “because they’re always running around.” In that moment, I would have done anything and everything to switch places with him. I wanted him to be able to play with his brothers and sisters and I wanted to be in his wheelchair. I held back the tears for the remainder of our conversation and afterwards began crying.  The truth that the Lord was able to remind me of is that in heaven he will have a new body and will be completely healed, I greatly anticipate that day.

Through these kids at Camp Barnabas, the Lord reminded and challenged me with 4 TRUTHS.

1.) He showed me what it looks like to love BIG. We had a camper that at times would go into tantrum mode and would bite and scratch your arms as you tried to hold her up, I went pretty unscathed most of the week, but towards the end of the week, she got me! Minutes later, I was sitting with her on her bed running my fingers through her hair. I had to choose to love BIG. It didn’t matter that she had just scratched me, or that I didn’t get a verbal apology. I had to continuously choose to come towards her and love her and to be honest, it was easy to do. Why is it not that easy for me to be so gracious, quick to forgive and come towards someone that is not disabled? I am challenged and desire that this experience would be a reminder for me to love BIG at all times knowing full well that’s how Christ calls me to respond.

2.) He showed me that I truly don’t have anything to complain about. Having the ability to walk, eat on my own, go to the bathroom on my own, brush my teeth on my own, dress myself in the mornings, take my own shower, do I even need to go on? I can do much and yet can find myself complain much. A shame indeed. Challenged to start living a life that complains less, because the reality is, I have nothing to ever complain about.

3.) He showed me how these kids were solely and completely dependent on their counselor for EVERYTHING. If I were only to name two, they clearly were dependent on them to get fed and to get clothed each day. They truly wouldn’t have been able to do that on their own given their disabilities. I also have a disability in the sense that I shouldn’t be able to do anything on my own and my dependency on the Lord should look the way it does with the camper and counselor, yet often times it doesn’t. Often times, I rely on myself to get clothed and fed and am humbly reminded that I need to look to Him to meet ALL of my needs.

4.) He reminded me that one day, I will be able to see them in heaven with new bodies and they will be healed. Honestly, it can be hard for me to fathom seeing Jesus Christ face to face. Afterall, He is the creator of the universe and He rose from the dead. Need I say more? I think it’s understandable that it is difficult for me to wrap my mind around seeing Him face to face. On the other hand, I have no problem imagining seeing all these kids in heaven free from the physical, emotional, and mental disabilities that they have now. They will be free. I honestly can’t wait.

By Veronica Serna