For as long as I can remember, I’ve wished for a father. A dad who would be there to care for me, hang out and show me what being a real man was all about.
I was raised in a single parent home in Las Vegas. My mom was a Black Jack dealer for 24 years, which meant my sister and I were home alone most evenings. My dad wasn’t in the picture, and at an early age I was told he died in a car crash – a story I began to question as a teenager. Men came in and out of my mom’s life, and five different boyfriends lived with our family when I was a kid. A couple of them tried to be father figures to me, but didn’t stick around. Another beat my mom so badly she was hospitalized. All of this left me feeling hurt, confused and alone. When my mom’s last marriage failed and I saw another “dad” walk away, the pain was so intense that I didn’t want to live any more. Those feelings were eating me alive, so I turned to women, drugs, drinking, stealing and anything else to numb my pain.
BROKEN IN WEST TEXAS
Before high school graduation, I was looking for an escape from Vegas, so I quit drugs and started getting in shape to join the Air Force. I thought the military would help me with the pain and insecurity in my life, because that’s what ‘real men’ do, right? Wrong! I was the same lonely, depressed person, just stationed in a new place: Reese Air Force Base in Lubbock, Texas. I’d never seen a cotton field or a Texas Tumbleweed before, had no friends and I hated being there. One of the sergeants in my squadron despised me and spent nine months verbally assaulting me. The stage was set for me to be broken.
There was a bright spot – a friend named Rob Palos, the only Christian in my squadron. He was a “man’s man” who liked to fix cars and play sports and also a family guy who loved his wife and kids. The way he lived drew me in, and we started hanging out together. Later, Rob began to talk to me about his faith, and about a Father who would never abandon me. It sounded too good to be true, but he kept talking to me, eventually inviting me to church. Before, Jesus Christ was just a curse word to me, but Rob helped me see that Jesus was the Son of God. And because of the investment he and another friend made in me, I placed my trust in Jesus in July 1993.
BROKE IN VEGAS
The desire for a father in my life followed me through my teenage and adult years. At 16, I confronted my mother about changes in her story about my father, and she told the truth: my biological father was alive and lived just 20 minutes away. When we met face-to-face, I was shocked by the resemblance, but that was where the similarities ended. My dad was everything that I was not. He hunted, fished and could fix just about anything. Although he was grateful to meet me, he didn’t really like who I was, and I felt deeply wounded.
After getting out of the military, I tried to strike up a relationship with him again, and moved in with him in Las Vegas. But it was a total disaster. I felt like a misfit, rejected by him and everyone else, it seemed. I didn’t know any Christians in Las Vegas, so I returned to my old patterns of alcohol, drugs and women, and racked up $22,000 in debt from drugs and gambling as a result. Finally, the Lord grabbed my heart, and I turned back to following Christ. But I had a lot of work to do to dig out of the hole I was in.
FINDING THE FATHER
When I returned to the Lord, He extended kindness to me through His Word and prayer. I felt convicted by Psalm 37:21 “The wicked borrow and do not repay, but the righteous give generously.” I spent four years waiting tables in Vegas to pay my debt. God used that time to give me a desire for full-time ministry. I made my last debt payment in May 2001 and was soon on my way to go to Dallas Theological Seminary. I didn’t know how God was going to get me through Seminary debt free, but He did. An anonymous donor paid my first semester’s tuition, and I worked part time to pay my way through, graduating with my Masters in Theology in May 2005.
During Seminary, I got involved with the Apartment Life ministry, where I and other teams lived in an apartment community, put on social events for the residents and developed intentional relationships with neighbors. Through Apartment Life, I befriended folks a lot like me – people searching for life in lifeless places. I was able to share what God had done in my life, and just how far He’d brought me. It was sweet to know that I was once the guy other folks were reaching out to, and now I was able to be part of Christ changing the lives of others.
I can’t tell you the ways that God has used Apartment Life to change my heart. After years of struggling with fear and insecurity, I’ve found purpose and joy in encouraging other Christians to be externally focused and engaging with people who need Christ. I also worked with a great team of friends who are passionate about sharing Christ as well. I enjoyed this ministry so much, that four years ago, I joined the Watermark staff so I could lead their Apartment Outreach Ministry.
That’s not to say that my struggles from the past are over. I still rely on Christ to keep me from unhealthy patterns of insecurity and fear of abandonment. But the difference is that I know the Lord values me more than any earthly father ever could. He is a heavenly Dad who loves me and will never leave or forsake me. Accepting His grace and love has given me a real desire to be more useful to His Kingdom. There are a lot of “Troys” out there, pursing their drug of choice – possessions, women, prestige, alcohol, materialism or other things. And I’m grateful that God has given me the opportunity to tell them about God’s amazing grace, love and kindness.
