Watermark Blogs

“Hate was eating me like cancer. But through a moment of obedience, the Lord healed me, and my life was never the same.”

Carlos Ramirez heard the rattling of chains against the concrete floor before the door ever opened. Fighting the urge to run, he settled into the hard metal chair in a Mexico City jail. As the sound drew closer, the memories of cold, lifeless bodies came flooding back. The only thing Carlos remembers about coming face to face with the murderer who devastated his family was the touch of his grandfather’s hand.

Carlos’ father is a Christian minister in Veracruz, Mexico. Carlos’ late grandfather, Rafael Reyes, was also a pastor for more than 65 years. Their faithfulness helped Carlos embrace Christ as a child. “I knew being a Christian was more than being a preacher’s kid. It was about having a personal relationship with Jesus.

God’s love and my grandfather’s example planted in me a desire to eventually serve the Lord in church ministry.” But when Carlos was 23 years old, a tragedy struck the family that would make him question the foundation of his faith.

In 1996, Carlos’ aunt, uncle and two young cousins were kidnapped in Mexico City. The kidnappers never contacted anyone or requested ransom. As months passed and no one knew if the four were dead or alive, Carlos questioned whether God was present or cared.

The police later asked Carlos to come identify four bodies suspected to be his family. “It was the most horrific moment of my life. As I saw the brutality of their deaths, bitterness and hatred instantly manifested in my heart. I wanted to destroy anyone capable of such an unforgivable act.”

Consumed with thoughts of revenge, Carlos says he stopped living and began merely existing. One of the worst moments came at the funeral when his grandfather stood before the caskets and prayed for the salvation of the murderer. “I wanted to leave— I was so angry. Salvation was something this murderer didn’t deserve.”

When Carlos heard that the murderer, Alex Tovar, was apprehended, feelings of relief were short-lived. A lengthy jail sentence seemed totally insufficient. Carlos wanted him to suffer. But what he discovered next shook Carlos to the core. Carlos’ grandfather had been visiting Alex in prison, and he began encouraging Carlos to do the same. “I knew he was sharing Christ with Alex. In my heart, he didn’t deserve the forgiveness of my God!” But the prison visits continued, and Alex eventually trusted Christ.

As his battle with anger raged on, Carlos felt he was living a double life. “On the inside, hate was poison that kept me from the fullness of God’s purpose. During that time, I was living in Dallas and serving in Watermark’s Celebrate Recovery ministry. God put me into a position where my failure to forgive was exposed. I had to do something.”

In the windowless room of a Mexico City jail, only a small table separated Carlos and Alex. The guard explained the rules: stay calm, no touching or fighting. After Carlos’ grandfather prayed, Alex began to speak. “I was bound by the chains of sin all my life, and today I’m paying the price,” Alex said. “I struggle with  accepting God’s forgiveness because I’ve destroyed so many lives. But I am begging you to accept my  apology and forgive me. I want to be at peace with  your family and with God.”

As Carlos struggled for words, he felt God’s presence like never before. “I struggled for years to accept that you’re not only a part of the body of Christ, but now my brother in Christ. But today, I choose to forgive.”

Then Carlos made a request: to wash Alex’s feet, just as Christ washed the disciple’s feet. At first, Alex refused. Carlos explained that it was a symbolic demonstration of his humility before the Lord. Just then, a prison guard appeared with a towel and a bowl.

“When I rolled up his pant legs, I saw for the first time the chains that bound him,” said Carlos. “I wept and slowly poured water on his feet. In that moment, I felt something heavy leave me. I knew healing was taking place. For the first time in 10 years, I smiled on the inside.”

Today, Carlos is convinced God can use anything for good. “He wanted more for me than pain and bitterness, but I had to be willing. I didn’t desire to walk into a maximum security prison. I took the first step, and God did the rest. I didn’t want to forgive, but I obeyed and He gave me enough faith to trust Him. A willing heart was all God needed to fully restore me.”

“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32)