Statistics say it takes 21 days to form a new habit.
Know what that means?

3 weeks into the cleanse, we just formed a new habit! Unlike the new fingernail biting my 4 year old has started, this is a habit I’d like to keep.

WAY TO GO!

Finished up Hosea today and on to the New Testament tomorrow.
Not sure about some of you, but there were some rough days this past week, when The Lion was showing his fierce teeth.  Yowzers.

But, I’m hoping you got something out of each one of those days.
I did, and honestly, I was surprised some days what spoke to me.
Couldn’t help but really feel the living, breathing aspect of God’s word this week.

Here’s a few thoughts from Thursday:

‎”She decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot,” declares the Lord. Hosea 2:13

Not who, but what are your lovers?

Lord, how often is this me, going about MY way, MY comforts, MY desires, seeking my friends first, leaving you behind, or just an afterthought?

I want to live daily with you, as you live daily in me. Let THIS desire be what I pursue tomorrow – You.

Like this one, I’ve been posting a few thoughts about each day’s reading on facebook.

For this last week of the cleanse, I’m going to include them on our Building Blocks facebook page as well, hoping more of you will see them. NOT because I’m awesome, but because YOU ARE.

I’d love to see us encourage one another this last week.
So, if you will, add your thoughts/insights/inspirations as a comment.
Can’t wait to see what God reveals to you this week!

After all, it’s a habit now, and I pray it becomes an increasingly hard one to break.

If you haven’t been doing the cleanse consistently or even started, just jump in with us this week! Click here for the reference, and skip down to page 14 to find this week, starting with Luke 1. It’s a good habit to start!

Week two of the cleanse is tougher.
Easier to lose momentum and fall back into old patterns, eh?

When evening hits, I wait until the last possible minute. I’m exhausted, falling asleep, and ready to head to bed. Then, I remember my reflection time.

I’ve kept it up every morning and evening so far, but it’s gotten harder. I’m guessing it’s gotten harder for you, too.

Oh but God is so good. His timing today is perfect.
Psalm 51 is about a cleanse…a cleanse of grace and forgiveness.
David cries out for God to blot out/wash/cleanse/clean him 7 times in the first 9 verses.

And in verse 10, he gives us back the verse we started with, as if to encourage and remind us:
This is a great verse to pray during your morning shower, as the water is pouring over you. Um, that is, on the days you actually get one. ; )

I don’t want to go back to spending my mornings and evenings and in betweens without Him.

We’re nearly halfway in the 4 week cleanse, and I’m officially not backing down. You with me?

Even if you’ve missed or haven’t started, Psalm 51 is the perfect place to begin, with a cleanse of grace and forgiveness.

Lord, thank you for Your Word, how it lives and breathes.
Your timing today was perfect, just the encouragement I needed.
Thank you for David’s beautiful, broken, humble heart.
I pray verse 12 for us all, as we start this next week:

Restore me to the joy of your salvation and
grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.

I pray that we will continue to be with You this week in the mornings, in the evenings, and in between. Amen. – by Sundee McDonald

One week into the cleanse. Feeling cleaner already. : )
I hope the time has been of blessing for those of you that are doing it along with me. And if you haven’t started yet, now is a grrreat time.

It’s been huge for me. I’ve consistently started the day with the reading. Some days I get that time to read it twice, reflect, and journal. Other mornings, I just get the chapter read, and chew on it a bit as the AM continues with 2 kids.

Then, I’ve begun ending the day with reading, reflection, and some sort of journaling. I didn’t plan this, it just sort of happened. And journaling sounds fancy, but I just start thinking about what struck me and write down a few sentences about it.

And because I started and ended my day with the Lord, I notice that I’m finding Him more in between as well. I feel closer to God, and am slightly more prepared for the chaos of any given day being filled up with His word and His faithfulness as I wake and as I slumber.

Is it a great reflection of my awesomeness, my diligence, my great faith, and my obedience?

Nah, much more than any of these, it is because of YOU.
I would not have been as steadfast or consistent if it weren’t for you.

Encouraging you to do this cleanse has encouraged me.
And all during this week, you encouraged me more.

Every morning when I’m groggy and think I could just start my time later, feeling justified because my sick 10 month old was up a few times in the night, I think of you.

Every evening when I’m tired and ready to go to bed, I see an email or a facebook comment checking in with me or adding your inspiration from the day. I get excited about what God is showing us and excited to think about what tomorrow will bring.

Just knowing you are doing this cleanse with me, helps me continue doing it every day.

Truth is, when just left to ourselves, we let excuses, rationalizations, and the busyness of life creep in. Reminds me of what Paul said in Romans 7:18b-19, “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do — this I keep on doing. ”

We’re just better together.

God intended it that way, too. We are more than just Christians and Christ followers. Abram said it beautifully this week to Lot in Genesis 13:8, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me…” “…for we are brothers.”.

And we are brothers and sisters, because we are all His children…
“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” 1 John 3:1a

God yearns for you, in a way like Abraham and Sarah yearned for a child. Any time you give Him is time He’s with His daughter or son. You are precious to Him. He doesn’t want you to feel guilty about missing, He just wants you back.

So, if you’ve stopped, missed a day or two, or never even started, never fear!
We are here.

Start today!  A willing heart, your bible (or just an internet connection), and this guide is all you need.

Jump right in with the second week with us, as we’re hitting the Psalms.

Need accountability? Need encouragement?
We are here. Ask a friend. Find me on Facebook or shoot me an email (sundeemc@sbcglobal.net).

After all, we are family, aren’t we? : )
And, truth is, we’re just better together. – by Sundee McDonald

So, I’m on this healthy kick. It goes in waves, right? Every now and then you get more info about foods and their sources and which ones should be organic, blah blah blah. Then, you find yourself on a kick.

At one time, maybe 10 years ago, I would have said we ate healthy,  I now know that we eat a ton healthier than we used to. But then, after Super Size Me, Food, Inc, the obesity rate, and a bunch of other stuff recently, I realize we STILL could be eating a lot healthier.

I guess I’m doing a cleanse of sorts, replacing even more of those processed foods with fresh, more natural sources. I’m focusing on what is going into my body, and into the sweet bodies of my hub and kids.

And although it’s still a struggle (somehow with Zach at 10 months, it is still hard) to get a home-cooked, healthy dinner on the table, the nights that I do, I feel quite proud of myself.

And when I’m at the grocery store shopping and see carts full of junk food, I look back at mine and feel proud again. And when I’m talking with others about what I made or what they are eating, yet again, I feel proud.

Sounded harmless there for a minute, didn’t it? Isn’t it amazing how easy pride will sneak it’s way into the tiniest thing?
Argh.

So, instead focusing on what is going into my body, I need to be focusing much more on what is getting into my heart.

Oh how my heart needs that nourishment of God’s truth and word. If I’m not getting a steady supply, it will easily be filled up on junk.

I can tell I’ve been running a little low on the good stuff.
Every day, I feel like I’m failing to apply God’s truth to our daily circumstances together and to help Reece learn God’s word as a tool for life.

But, how in the world am I going to do that if God’s word isn’t right on the tip of my brain and full up in my heart?

Not sure about you guys, but my brain STILL isn’t functioning on full power. And with a 10 month old that is still not sleeping through the night, I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever get it back.

So see, it has to be right there….like my address, phone number, kid’s birthdays, even. You getting the picture? THAT’S how familiar God’s word has to be.

So, stink, I missed Kay’s talk, “Loving the Lord with All Your Heart” last week. I heard it was A-W-E-S-O-M-E.

But, I got a handout, complete with a challenge, and wanted to ask for camaraderie and accountability.

It’s a cleanse…A HEART CLEANSE. She calls it, “El Corazon: A cleanse where the heart meets God and literally changes from crusty, inefficient selfishness to healthy, vigorous God-centeredness.”

Every day. 4 weeks. You in?

What, feeling intimated?
Don’t let yourself!

She says,

First, begin by making a commitment.
You don’t have to bite off more than you can chew.
Simply commit to spending time with God each day for the next four weeks. It could be 5 or 50 minutes.
Don’t stress or worry about it.
Take the Nike approach and JDI … Just Do It.

A willing heart, your bible (or just an internet connection), and this guide is all you need.

If Christ is really my King, like I say he is, then I’ll take this small challenge to know Him better.

I’m starting TODAY…how about you?

Lord, as we start this 4 week journey together, I pray that you daily create a clean heart and renew a right spirit within each of us. We are willing. Change us and cleanse us, Lord. We are yours. – by Sundee McDonald

Join us as we continue our Summer Series called “Heart, Mind, and Soul”.  Come hear Judy Wimberley share with us how to love the Lord with all your SOUL on Thursday, July 15th.  Childcare is provided if you register by July 8th.  Sign up here.

Brown. That is the color of my thumbs. Every plant in my home usually ends up in the compost. It’s tragic. I want so badly to be surrounded by beautiful plants in and around my home. The ones on the outside do pretty well because that’s my husband’s territory. However, there is one garden where I cannot afford to fail. My children. I recently told Irene over at Bloesem: Kids that I want my boys to be “forever brothers.” If I am to succeed in grounding and rooting their love for one another, they must first understand the love of their heavenly father. That is where today’s craft comes in.

I’m a relatively new Mom. Everyday I am faced with new challenges and wonder if I will ever get this Mom thing right. So I seek help. Twice a month our church has an event called Building Blocks, with speakers offering wisdom and insight from all that they have learned through their own journey and God’s word. It’s awesome. I can’t begin to tell you how much I have learned. A couple of weeks ago the topic was Siblings. Millye and Alex (the speakers) shared their wisdom and insight in Purposeful Planting. I have turned the discussion into not one, but two crafts.

Materials for kids:
chocolate chips
chocolate pudding
chocolate cookies
gummy worms
spoon
clear drinking glass

Materials for Mom:
scissors
glue
construction paper
small photos of kids (their face mainly)
popcicle sticks
green paint or marker
coffee beans
scripture printed on paper (your favorite verses for your kids/family)
vase

I told my boys that we were planting a garden and asked them what we needed. My oldest shouts, “Water! Sun!” He was right. But I told him we also needed seeds and dirt with good nutrients.

seeds (chocolate chips)

mud (pudding) and dirt (cookies)

we also put worms in their dirt and mixed it all up

Now, I didn’t plan what happened next and to be honest, I got really mad when it happened, but God works all things for our good and His glory. Because my boys are pretty young (5 and 2) I thought I would let them eat their “garden” while we made our “family garden.” My youngest couldn’t eat it fast enough. My oldest threw a huge fit and started crying because he didn’t like his worms “with all that stuff.” It should be noted that he never gets gummy worms or anything else that sticks in teeth, but he loves them. I began to throw a fit too. Luckily he left the room and we both had some time to calm down. Upon his return, God gave me some wisdom. I asked him if his garden that wasn’t cared for and was left alone without love and nutrients produced any flowers or fruit? He replied, “no.” We then went on to talk about how when we let God take care of us, provide for us and guide us through his words and deeds, then we produce the fruits of the spirit. We both talked about his garden yielding the weeds of anger, frustration and selfishness (in both of us).

We went on to make our “family garden.”pour coffee beans (dirt) into your vase

add nutrients i.e. food and water (scripture) by rolling up the verses and putting them in the soil

paint/color popcicle sticks

cut leaves and flowers out of construction paper

cut out children’s faces from picture

put flowers into vase

We did a little pretend watering as well. We also talked about God creating each child uniquely with their own special purpose and gifts. And while my oldest meticulously cut out the flowers (he’s learning to use scissors) and glued them, I would like to say we talked about how God cares for us daily and provides everything we need, but their attentions spans are that of gnats! Maybe we’ll do this again once they are older.

If you would like to listen to this talk about Siblings online, go here. It’s Amazing. You will not regret it!
Millye and Alex talked about preparing the soil – “intentionally creating a richness where each person feels valued and respected by all.” “Planting in the right environment.” You’ve got to follow the plant tags: full sun – 6 hours, water, afternoon shade, etc. What are your kids telling you they need? Are you treating each child as the same plant or are you giving them exactly what he or she needs as an individual? And on and on it goes. This is good stuff! I apologize for the extremely long post, but there was so much to share. I didn’t want you to miss a drop! I pray that this craft and this talk on Siblings blesses you as much as it did and will my family. xo – Brooke Fish

“Time is a gift”, said Antoinette Davis in her talk on Heart of Service. Simple and so true.

For me, that seemed like a great place to begin giving.

Unsure of where to serve specifically, I knew of only 1 place to look.
Upward.

When I’m busy w/ my own agenda, I’m not as available to God or to others. So, I took my to-do list, the one written and the one like a constant rolodex in my head, and put it in my pocket.

Now, some of these items on my list were important, like grocery shopping, doing laundry, and cleaning the house.

But, for a couple of days, I committed to praying before I did each and every stupid little thing on my list. And while there’s a phrase about the devil being in the details, I think God was there instead.

The first morning, I was on my way to bible study. I was early, really early. I drove down the freeway thinking about what I could accomplish beforehand. Ah, BABIES-R-US was the next exit and I needed diapers, wipes, and puffs. Perfect! They’re even open early.

Just before I changed lanes to exit, I remembered my commitment and I prayed for God to lead me wherever He had me in that moment.
I felt immediately like I wasn’t supposed to go. I didn’t think He was going to care about me going to BRU, but that day, He did. I thought, really? Okay, I guess I’ll have to find another time to go.

Kept driving and pulled into the church parking lot. It was 9:40 am and bible study started at 10:30. I was feeling a little silly about being there so early.

As I was about to pull into a spot, another car stopped right in front of me. Plenty of spots, we politely waited for each other to pull in first.
It was an unusually long pause. I looked up and realized it was a very close friend of mine. She was here early too.

My 7 month old had fallen asleep in the car, so I decided to park and work on my study while I let him sleep. My friend walked by and waved. I waved back and then signed that the baby was sleeping, so I didn’t roll the window down.
She walked on and then, DUH!!! It hit me.

Time with her was what God had put on my to-do list this morning. He nearly had to knock me over the head (or bump my car and wave through the window) to get me to comply, but I did. She and I rarely get time together anymore and we needed some, so this morning was both purposeful and nice to be with my dear friend.

The rest of the day went along the same way, without me being quite as slow to catch on. There were a few other interventions to my list and few things that did get marked off.

At the end of the day, did I feel disappointed that I didn’t mark more off my list? Not once.
I spent the day walking with God, allowing the Lord whom I say is my King, to actually be my King and lead me.

If only I could keep this perspective every day. Why is it so hard?

I can admit that there were other days I did this well, but the past few I’ve gone back to running my good ol’ to-do list.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with a to-do list. Some things on mine even involve serving others. But, when my list rules my day, I’m not allowing God to guide me. Even when my heart behind the to-do is good, it may not be where God wants me that day, and better yet, it may be where He wants to use someone else.

So, tomorrow I’m starting a new commitment to pray before each item.
How about doing it with me?

I’ve got one hand (putting my to-do list) in my pocket, and the other one is giving a peace sign. : ) – Sundee McDonald

For more on capturing and cultivating a heart for service in you and your children, click here to listen to Antoinette Davis’ talk.

It has been about a year since Kyle Kaigler first came to me and said, “Hey, I need you to write some funny but true stuff about parenting.” For those of you who have not taken Watermark History 101, I worked on staff for Kaigler in my previous life before having children. And anyone who knows Kaigler knows that once you work for Kaigler, you sort of always work for Kaigler. He is, in this way, a ministry mafia of sorts… but in a more “friends are friends forever” kind of way versus “The Sopranos” kind of way. All of this to say, I have been reflecting on the last year and some of the topics we have covered in this newsletter: help your child learn to communicate. Model thankfulness. Teach them what a life of mission is. Be diligent and consistent in training them in godliness… many things we should be doing as parents.

Well, I am shaking things up this month and suggesting that we spend a little bit of time considering what we should NOT be doing as parents. Fortunately, my behavior this past month in particular has been super helpful in giving me material for this topic. To get the ball rolling, let me share a few parenting tactics that have not worked for our family:

1. Set unrealistic expectations for your children and then be frustrated with them when they do not meet those expectations. For example, try taking two preschool boys from store to store for HOURS, where they are not allowed to touch things, play with things, run off, be silly, chase each other… in short, they are allowed to stand there. Quietly. All morning. Call me from store number three, and let me know how that works out. What am I saying is, you can’t afford to take your eye off the ball for a minute at that stage of the game. Two average preschoolers could bring down an entire store in the length of a phone call. On second thought, just smile and remember every word you say will very likely join your little ones’ vocabulary. See also my five year old’s response to a spilled box of crayons recently: “Oh Lord, why!!!!”

2. Try to get your child out of his whiny, negative mood by snapping and barking at him. The hypocrisy is particularly stunning when you combine a scowl of frustration with something like, “You need to have a sweet attitude.” I don’t know in this scenario if I am the pot, the kettle, or the potato peeler, but I know it’s not good.

3. Ask ridiculous rhetorical questions to which you already know the answer and which serve no purpose other than feeding your own flesh. For instance, “Can you boys not play together for ten minutes without being selfish and fighting over the toys?!” Clearly for those ten minutes the answer was “no”- were you not paying attention? The next time you are tempted to ask this question you might divert yourself with the following, “Can I not respond to my preschoolers like an adult without resorting to sarcasm like a self-centered adolescent?” It’s not pretty, is it.

Unfortunately I could keep going, but I hate to steal all the good ones. When was the last time you took a long look at your “strategic growth opportunities” as a parent? Or to put it plainly: where you are simply missing it with your kids? What would it give our children if we were passionate about not losing our temper with them. About not belittling their problems. About not failing to engage with them because we are tired or lazy… whatever it may be for you. I’m not saying what if we tried to do better at these things; I’m saying what if we were relentless about them. Call it parental spring cleaning, but I’m ready to take out some garbage. The first step is admitting you have a problem, and I know what mine is (as does everyone who walked by us in the paint department at Lowe’s last week). But if you only take one step, it makes for a pretty lame trip. — written by Sarah Stehlik

NEXT STEPS
Take some time to identify the specific behavior that needs to be eliminated from your parenting. Ask the Lord to guide you in this and show you how to “put off your old self… to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God…” (Eph 4.22-24) Come up with clear goals that your spouse or friends can hold you accountable to. Find a good book to encourage you along the way. You can visit our blog HERE for a list of books recommended by the Family Ministries team.

If you have preschool children, have you signed up to receive the Starting Blocks PlayBook? It’s an easy way to build on what they are learning at church on Sundays with projects and activities you can do together with other moms or just with your kids at home. Sign up online by checking the PlayBook box HERE

TIME OUT – 04.10

There’s another D word, more critical and encompassing than discipline, yet it is very, very close in written form.
Guesses? (Can you tell I like games?)

Duh-duh-DISCIPLE.

We are called to go and make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19).
But Jinger wasn’t talking that day about all nations, the masses, or even just friends and neighbors. Nope. You don’t even have to go next door to find these itty bitty disciples-in-waiting.

We’ve been specifically assigned these precious children in our very homes as our disciples. It’s a little scary, isn’t it?

When I think of disciples, Peter comes to mind. Can you just picture him all excited and ready to jump right out of that boat to walk on the water with Jesus? Maybe he wanted to be first, maybe he was a bit too anxious, and yes, he got scared and began to sink. BUT, for a brief moment, one beautiful, trusting, faithful moment, he was walking…walking with Jesus in faith.

That’s what I want for my two boys, for them to learn to walk in faith more and more each day, moment by moment. That’s what I want for myself, too.

I know better than to expect that will just happen on its own.
I mean, does a seed sprout and flourish into a beautiful, sweet-smelling flower by simply burying it in the dirt?

My sad little flower bed would say no.
The same is true with our kids.

We have to plant, provide sunshine, water, fortify, protect, and even prune.

It takes effort. Not just once and that’s it. But, this gardening/discipleship is a process that takes time, effort, diligence and patience to yield its crop. Oh how God loves a gardening analogy, and encourages us in Galatians 6:9:

“Let us not grow weary in doing good,
for in due season we will reap a harvest
if we do not give up.“

To hear Jinger’s talk on The Importance of Mom online, click here.

Next Building Blocks Event:
SIBLINGS
April 15, 10am – noon – REGISTER NOW!
How to encourage your children to live, laugh, and love each other. Lots of different factors make the dynamic of each family unique. Come be encouraged by Alex Wagner, mother of six, and Millye Hale, mother of three, as they discuss the causes, consequences and possible solutions to dealing with sibling rivalry. Childcare is provided for this event if you register by April 8.

Any guesses what parenting topic prompts the greatest turnout?
Want a hint? The first letter of the word makes a duh sound. Duh-duh-duh-discipline. (Sounding out letters and words is big around my house these days.)

Discipline. Time-outs, spankings, corrections, obeying, teaching, training, rule following. Whew. When I think of discipline, negative thoughts come to mind.

I’m not really off base, I mean, even God’s word tells us that it is:

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

And it isn’t just painful. It is exhausting.
At the beginning of her talk on “The Importance of Mom”, Jinger Lord played a very hilarious reminder of how exhausting parenting is: The Mom Song.

I don’t want to go to bed worn out and thinking that the next day will just start it all over again. But some days I do feel just like that.

I want to have FUN. Instead of getting frustrated, I want to laugh about that question that was repeated for the zillionth time, even though I answered it after the first. I want whining to roll off my back, manipulating to be ‘nice try’s, and the day to be filled with 10 times more joy than angst. I want be light-hearted, to laugh and to smile and to, well…

DISCO.
(ahh, another great D word)

Disco? Is she serious?
Yes, yes I am. I mean, wouldn’t you like to trade in at least a few of your crinkled-noses and finger waves for a smile and pointed finger like this each day? : )

When I looked again at this picture, I noticed two things.
1. My finger is pointing upward.
Rather than pointing at the source of my frustration in these trying moments, I want to point toward the source of my inspiration, my hope, my peace-giver – the One with all the answers. After all, if I’ve turned my life over to Him, don’t I think he can handle whining, constant demands, food battles, nighttime struggles, and sleep deprivation?

“Absodutely!”, my 4 year old would say.

2. My attitude is one of joy.
David wrote, “My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.” Psalm 57:7

I’m not claiming that David was doing disco, but his heart was focused on God, through some very difficult and sometimes painful circumstances. But, God’s faithfulness and promises brought him joy. Joy to sing and make music, and I’d dare say even dance.

So, how about today, we try discipline with a twist (and shout). I’ll call it DISCOpline. (feel free to laugh at me now, if you weren’t already) Let’s make a joyful noise to the Lord. Or, as this disco momma would say, “Let’s get our groove on.”

Lord, help us stay steadfast in disciplining these precious children that You have so graciously entrusted to us. Thank you for David’s heart to remind us that this struggle doesn’t always have to be a grind, but can be with a sweet song and dance. I pray that today we find a little more joy in our day, and a little less angst, knowing your promises are not just for today, but forever. – Sundee McDonald

Next time, I’ll hit more on this steadfastness and what Jinger says is of utmost importance in our job as moms. I’ll give you a clue…it is another D word. ; )
To hear Jinger’s talk on The Importance of Mom online, click here.

For More Information:

Building Blocks is a ministry that connects parents of preschool-aged children with other parents in the same challenging life stage. This ministry provides parents with the training, encouragement and resources they need to raise passionate followers of Christ. We host informal weekly gatherings, at least one speaker each month, and periodic special events.

Next Opportunity:
3rd Annual Easter Egg Hunt
March 18, 10 am – noon – REGISTER NOW!

Hop on over and join Building Blocks for a morning of fun for parents and kids! Bring your basket and invite a friend to this “eggstra” special event. We will fellowship and stuff eggs while the kiddos are in childcare, and then let the hunt begin! Please be sure to reserve a spot so we can plan accordingly.

Once upon a time there was a girl with ferociously curly hair who had a tendency towards being strongly opinionated, which we will instead call “courageous independence.” And one day that girl met a boy (though at the time that “boy” was pushing 30, so “boy” might be a stretch. But for nostalgia’s sake we’ll go with it, ‘kay?) This crazy young couple fell in love, dated for 10 minutes and got married, so that they could live the blissfully ignorant life of ease whereby they did things like go out to eat, go to the movies and sleep in on the weekends whenever they wanted. If there was a fabulous last minute deal on a hot spot in Mexico- great! They went. When they felt like they really needed a weekend getaway they just up and did it, because let’s be honest- life without kids is really stressful and hard since you have no idea what you’re talking about. What I am trying to tell you about this incredibly good-looking couple is that they were crazy about each other and had a ridiculous amount of time to enjoy that fact.

Then there was move across the country and baby number one. Then there was move back across the country and baby number two. Then there was job change and baby number three. Now all of the sudden that “not-too-oldish” yet “not-so-youngish-anymore” couple is neck deep in kids, responsibilities and the realities of life that push and pull at them like a group of toddlers over a single piece of candy. I know you did not see this coming, but I am actually talking about Paul and me.

And we’ve had a really crazy time of things lately around the Stehlik house… everyone was sick for several weeks last month. Then we liked it so much we did it again this month. So there’s the slow descent into insanity that accompanies that whole scenario. Put that together with major changes in numerous areas of life, all colliding together simultaneously and you have the context for me sitting in our kitchen the other day as Paul walked by, and thinking to myself, “He looks vaguely familiar.” So as I was praying over what to write about this month I felt like the Lord said, “you’re the one who barely recognizes your husband… go from there.”

Well, I don’t feel that I need to argue the case that the state of our marriages plays a hugely formative role in shaping our kids. It would seem that every 12 seconds a study comes out validating that point. It is pretty logical that unhealthy marriages do not produce healthy kids. Most of us get that. So it seems the big question is, “How does the energy and effort that it takes to invest towards intimacy in your marriage translate into the craziness of day to day life with kids?” Because let’s be honest, the day to day demands are enough to suck all your energy right out the window well before lunchtime. So here are my big three ideas (and I’m going to get right on these as soon as I finish writing about it.)

1. Prioritize your spouse in your schedule. At the beginning of the week or the beginning of the day, when you are looking at all the things that you “have to do,” make sure you include as one of those “must dos” something done to build into your spouse. It may not cost you $15 in late fees like being late with the water bill, but not serving your spouse will cost you, your spouse and your kids in ways much more important than money.

2. Prioritize your spouse to your children. Do you take the time to regularly praise your spouse in front of your kids for specific things? Do you give your kids consistent opportunities through your words and your actions to see your love and commitment to your spouse? Or are you just two grown ups flying around, each doing a million things and hoping to catch a glimpse of each other over a cereal bowl in the morning?

3. Make the most of little opportunities. Full on date nights or weekends away are terrific, but some seasons of life don’t afford you the luxury of having those super frequently. You can still make the most of opportunities at home if you strategize a bit… plan a late candlelit dinner after the kids go to bed. Use time when your kids are playing at a friend’s house to sit on the couch together and catch up over coffee, instead of you cleaning the bathrooms and him changing the oil. Right now the wives are like, “Yes, Sarah, these are obvious and I can think of a dozen more off the top of my head.” And the husbands are like, “Could you list six more please.” The point is, let’s all get out there and show some effort.

I could go on and on about this, but I’ve got some ground to cover on loving my husband… starting with breaking the news from my new friend, the HVAC tech, that we need a whole new HVAC system. Ahhhh, I can almost smell the romance.

NEXT STEPS
Spend some time in Ephesians 5, asking the Lord to show you how you are doing at modeling the love of Christ to your family. Then plan a time when you and and your spouse can get away together and talk about how to intentionally grow deeper together.

If you have preschool children, have you signed up to receive the Starting Blocks PlayBook? It’s an easy way to build on what they are learning at church on Sundays with projects and activities you can do together with other moms or just with your kids at home. Sign up online by checking the PlayBook box HERE