Having just enjoyed a wonderful Christmas season and all of the gift-giving extravaganza that goes along with it, I was reminded of this story from my good friend, Jeanie Cox. It involves this wonderful woman, her two year old daughter and the fabulous birthday gift of a three piece baby doll play-set, complete with miniature pac-n-play, stroller and swing set. It was a timely reminder for me that the opportunities to teach truth through our words and actions are everywhere, even in gifts for toddlers…

“My daughter’s big day arrives and we have our little birthday breakfast followed by all of her older siblings ‘helping’ her open her gift. Soon we realized why the set was such a steal: ‘Some Assembly Required’ for this little package meant lots of nuts and bolts and ‘a’s’ and ‘b’s’ and ‘c’s’. My seven and eight year old were quickly in the weeds. In walks ‘Oh so smart’ Mommy, realizing this is an awesome opportunity to teach how we can’t just tear into the package and expect to know instinctively how this stuff works without following the carefully laid out instructions given to us by the people who invented these handy little toys. The added bonus was that the instructions ’showed’ us how to put it together without using any words. Just pictures. We were able to undo the assembly they had done so far and go back to the instructions to help us figure out just how each piece fit together. As we finished up the pac-n-play and moved on to the stroller, we stopped to talk about how we are just like these toys. We come with instructions from God’s Word as to how we fit together and are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’, how we work best by ‘trusting in the LORD’ and that we can only find peace and fulfillment by ‘walking in His ways and on His path.’ It was beautiful. They had tasted the frustration of trying to figure out how life works on our own. We quickly saw how far off track we get when we go at it on our own, ignoring the One who made us and has a plan to ‘prosper us and not to harm us, to give us hope and a future as we seek Him with all our hearts.’ We talked about how we get lost, becoming ‘wise in our own eyes’ and thinking we know how to make things work in life- in just the same way we had torn into the box not even realizing we had instructions to follow. I was amazed at how something so common held one of the best object lessons we had found in a long time. I was very happy and full of myself for realizing such a ‘teachable’ moment and seizing the opportunity to bring the spiritual into the everyday.

Enter impatience, a phone call for a play date and my pride, just as we were rounding the corner on the swing set. Having assembled two of the three big pieces, the girls lose steam and I am just ready to get it done so Lucy can play (and I can get all the trash up). As they hand the last piece off to me, I neglect to look at the instruction book thinking, ‘I see where they are going and know how this one works…don’t really need the pamphlet for this one!’ Totally fail to follow my own ‘Aha’ lesson I’ve just delivered, and I put an ‘a’ with a ‘b’- not once but twice. As I finish up the phone call and try to stand the swing set up, I realize what I have done. In God’s mercy these are the only two joints in the whole package that you cannot undo with a little push from a screw driver. These are together for life. Now the little swing set stands in our living room, duck-taped together because Mom did not follow the instructions. Talk about eating crow for that one! Sometimes we make mistakes and the Lord allows us to have ‘do overs.’ Sometimes in His mercy He does not. That little swing functions just fine- not as pretty, but it works. Reminds me every day that no matter how many times we’ve seen something come together, we still need to go to His Word. Every situation brings a new twist on life and something more He is trying to teach us. We can’t go on past experience. His mercy is new every morning. No two children are just alike. The pac-n-play, the stroller and the swing all work together and belong to the same family, but they are all distinct and have different parts. We have to acknowledge our ignorance before God with each child and ask His wisdom through His Word for each one of their souls. I cannot allow the little interruptions of the day, the impatience of doing it for the third or fourth time or the pride of saying ‘I know how this works!’ to tempt me to take my eyes off His Word and His Will for these little ones. He alone knows best, and only as I surrender to Him and submit to the way He says they work best will I be able to serve them faithfully and well each day.”

That’s just good stuff, people. So as we start 2010, may you embrace the hope of Christmas all year long with your eyes fixed on Christ, your minds clinging the wisdom in His Word, and a heart full of healthy respect for the words “Some Assembly Required.” — by Sarah Stehlik

NEXT STEPS

If you have preschool children, have you signed up to receive the Starting Blocks PlayBook? It’s an easy way to build on what they are learning at church on Sundays with projects and activities you can do together with other moms or just with your kids at home. Sign up online by checking the PlayBook box HERE

What I am about to tell you may shock you, but I swear it is true. We recently took our three boys to a pizza/play restaurant for the first time. Yes, five years into having kids and we have never made a visit to the Mecca of the Great Mouse. Despite this our kids still speak of him with great familiarity as “Chuck E. Cheese, proud sponsor of PBS kids.” (TV time cut in half now.) Anyhow, we still have never seen Chuck, as our recent visit was to his good friend Peter. Peter Piper to be precise. Let me tell you how amazing this adventure was…

There was no special reason for this wondrous treat. It was just a plain old Tuesday night turned into magic family fun time. They were rescued from the cauliflower and red lentils on my menu for the evening, so that they might feast on pizza. And when their cheese pizza mistakenly came out with mushrooms on it, did they have to eat it? No! Did they even have to pick the mushrooms off? No, because although I assured the kind pizza chef that we would be happy to pick them off, he still made them a new cheese pizza anyway. The night was everything it should be at a place like that… Glittering tokens. Precious pink tickets. The most unsafe game of skee ball I have ever witnessed, whereby skee balls were launched into surrounding game machines, as well as ricocheting back on us so violently that we barely escaped without head trauma. I am trying to tell you, these were GOOD times, people. And of course, there was the grand finale, when the boys eagerly traded in their tickets for inexplicable things, asking first for some outrageous item like a remote control helicopter. But upon finding out their 44 tickets didn’t quite cover the 10,000 needed, they settled happily on a two inch tall purple ninja which, after all, is “what they’ve always wanted!”

So you might be thinking, “Wow, Sarah, with all that unmerited wonder and amazingness, I bet your kids showered you with ‘thank yous’ til you could hardly stand it.” I’ll admit, I actually was subconsciously expecting to get a little bit of royal treatment from our boys, so imagine my disappointment on our way home when our three year old said, “What are we going to do when we get home? Can it at least be something fun?” I’m sorry, were we just scrubbing toilets or were we not in the seventh level of his personal heaven? And instead of overflowing gratitude the response was pretty much just “I’m ready for more.” Well. My husband did a very admirable job of explaining why the last several hours had supplied us with more than adequate fun for the evening, while I resisted the urge to launch into a “do-you-know rant.” You probably know what I mean… DO YOU KNOW how many kids would love to blah blah blah? DO YOU KNOW how much mommy and daddy did for you blah blah blah? The do-you-know rant is one of my more obnoxious and ineffective parenting techniques. Do I really think my three year old can know the scope of his extravagant abundance relative to most children in the world? Can he know the extent to which his mom and dad have reordered the entirety of their lives to accommodate his physical, spiritual and emotional needs? And in reflecting on the incident and my urge for a do-you-know rant, the Lord reminded me of some important things.

First, there’s the absolute reality that “DO YOU KNOW…” will never set me and my child up for meaningful, edifying conversation, what with it being so hard for them to hear anything over the noise of my superiority complex. But there’s also this fundamental flaw: the do-you-know rant presumes certain knowledge would have produced corresponding actions. But the Bible says, “out of the overflow of the HEART, the mouth speaks” – not out of the overflow of the mind. Paul’s teaching in Romans 1 is consistent with this principle. He talks of those who KNOW the truth, but instead of ordering their lives according to it, they simply suppress it so that they can carry out the desires of their dark hearts. So the “DO YOU KNOW” rant is both ineffective from a communication standpoint and flawed in its very premise.

But this is only where the Lord started with me. Of course, you know He got personal with it. He reminded me about my shopping trip several weeks ago when I bought a few things for myself. For the week that followed, do you know what preoccupied me? (Next stop, moment of embarrassing honesty.) I kept thinking how I would like to have several other new things as well. In a store seeing some pair of great boots or passing a woman with cute jeans, my thoughts went straight to, “I sure would like to have a pair of those too.” So as it turns out, I am still capable of impulses on par with the maturity of my three year old. I have so much!! But more would be nice. Gross.

So, I had to ask myself, “how much gratitude do my kids see me overflow with on a daily basis?” I don’t just mean the autopilot “thanks” when they clear their dinner plate from the table. I mean “overflowing with thankfulness” like Paul tells us to be in Colossians 2:7 because of the strength of our roots in Jesus. Not overflowing with things that make me comfortable. Not overflowing with the productivity of supermom. Overflowing with thankfulness. I want to overflow with thankfulness because I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord and know my refuge in Him brings incomparable blessing (Ps 34.8). And I want them to learn to live like that. I can teach my kids to say thank you, but that’s nothing more than manners. I think true thankfulness is pretty much a lost virtue in our culture. We, of all people, need to bring it back.

NEXT STEPS
Ask yourself and maybe even your spouse or kids questions like, What do I overflow with? How consistently do I express gratitude to others?
Consider starting a journal of things you are thankful for. Keep it in a place accessible to everyone so that each family member can enter their contributions throughout the next few weeks. Then spend time at your Thanksgiving meal reading it together.

An Opportunity to Connect and Worship with Your Kids!
Join us on Friday (tonight), November 20 from 7:00 – 8:30 pm for our first-ever, Watermark Family Ministry worship experience – LIVE! Grab the whole family and join us as we play, sing, have fun, worship and talk about finding hope in our relationship with God! Specially designed for kids Kindergarten – 5th grade, but all ages are encouraged to attend! Registration and details are available at at watermark.org

If you have preschool children, have you signed up to receive the Starting Blocks PlayBook? It’s an easy way to build on what they are learning at church on Sundays with projects and activities you can do together with other moms or just with your kids at home. Sign up online by checking the PlayBook box HERE

TIME OUT – 11.09

The Watermark Children’s Ministry Team is trying to stay up on current issues and ideas regarding parenting, children, and ministry to children. We are reading books from the resource list on this blog and then doing a short review. The hope is that the review will allow you to discover if that book may be of help to you in your parenting situation. Enjoy!

Reviewer: Jinger Lord – Starting Blocks Coordinator

Author – Alex & Brett Harris
Publisher – Multnomah

Please give a one paragraph synopsis of the book.
Alex and Brett Harris are teenage twins with big ideas. Their book lays out the idea that the teen years should not be a time for laziness and lack of responsibility, but a time to serve God and “do hard things” that will glorify Him. They talk about reclaiming the teenage years and rebelling against the low expectations that our society has of teens. They discuss five types of hard things: things that take you outside your comfort zone, things that go beyond what’s expected or required, things that are too big for you to do alone, things that don’t pay off immediately, and things that go against the crowd.

I would recommend this book to a parent who…
This book is really written to teenagers. Any parent of a teen or pre-teen will love the ideas. The goal is to get the teenager to read the book and buy in.
Rate the book on from 1 (lowest) to 10 (highest) in the following areas:
I really enjoyed this book: 9
This book was an easy read: 10
This book was theologically sound: 10
This book used an appropriate amount of Scripture: 10
This book gave practical applications: 10
I will recommend this book: 10
This book promotes the FM concept (parent responsibility): n/a promotes teen responsibility

Do you know what scares the Krispy Kremes right out of me? It’s thinking about raising boys in today’s culture. The fear- I mean the real fear- first gripped me when I was pregnant with our first son. I drove weekly by a billboard for a boot warehouse that enraged me. Boots, you ask? Yes. Clearly, what more logical way to sell work boots than by putting them on a scantily dressed woman who wouldn’t be caught dead wearing them in real life… unless nearly naked and having her picture taken- then, by all means. Then there were the hamburger joint commercials with spokesperson Hugh Heffner, declaring his love of the menu diversity- “because nobody wants the same thing every night.” Then there are the magazines my kids pass in the check out line at the grocery store. In any other context the picture would be porn, but somehow the exercise-related title of the magazine is supposed to make me say, “Oh, I thought it was porn, but it turns out to just be about my health and well-being.” I wouldn’t ordinarily be comfortable looking at the person standing behind me in line if she were only wearing her undergarments. And there’s a fair chance she would perhaps be arrested under such circumstances. But thankfully, instead of actual near-nudity, we have only a photograph of it, which is TOTALLY different, and by “TOTALLY different” I mean “virtually the same.”

So there’s my fear. Probably on some level you can relate. Counter-cultural purity is a challenge for every parent, and if we’re honest, one that God’s people as a whole have not been experiencing overwhelming victory in. I remind myself sometimes, when I drive by the sign for the restaurant we will never visit for family dinner, “The power of Jesus is greater than the power of that billboard!” So why then are so many of us and our children falling under the power of the billboard (what it represents) and unable to stand firm in the power of Jesus to “live a life worthy of the calling we have received”?

Pretty big question for such a little newsletter. But here are my ponderings before the Lord on this. We hear so loudly the Christian call to our kids to stay away from sexual immorality. Biblical command. Necessary exhortation. But I think back to my coming of age years… many were the clear calls to abstain from ungodly behavior. FAR fewer were the calls to what I SHOULD be pursuing for the sake of Christ and His kingdom. I wonder if we are often doing little more than substituting PG alternatives for the R rated world surrounding our kids. Instead of graphic movies we encourage our kids to watch clean, appropriate ones. Instead of TV shows that promote teenage sexual activity we only let them watch shows that are more wholesome.” Instead of parties where drinking and other irresponsible behavior will be going on, we have them throw their own party where more innocent fun can be enjoyed by all their friends. Not that there is anything wrong with watching a good movie or having fun with your friends… but is this what the kingdom of heaven is about? Is this only what Christ is calling them to? To watch cleaner TV and show more restraint in their physical dating relationships than their secular counterpart? When it comes down to it, are we letting our kids buy into the premise that life is about what we want and enjoy as long as we don’t go against any “Biblical standards”? I am convinced that the power of that mindset is grossly inadequate to overcome the power of the “billboard.” The Biblical standard is that life is about dying to ourselves to live for the glory of God. And when we see that truly- actively- lived out, its power is limitless.

 In thinking on this topic of staying pure in a corrupt generation, I thought of James 1:27, where James says one part of pure and undefiled religion is keeping yourself uncorrupted by the world. Do you know the other part he mentions in that verse? Caring for widows and orphans. Actions rooted in the exact opposite of our own needs and wants. I don’t think these particular two components of religion are unrelated to each other either- one fuels the other. The more we walk in the steps of Christ who gave himself to those who had nothing, the more beautiful we realize Him to be. And the more we treasure His beauty, the less alluring the darkness of the world is. And the more we distance ourself from the darkness of the world, the more we desire to live like Christ and give ourselves away to those in need… but maybe you are thinking that caring for widows and orphans doesn’t sound like a very “kid” thing to do. I felt a little of this too at first. It sounds more like an adult responsibility. But let’s be honest- does it seem like the majority of adults who know Christ prioritize caring for widows and orphans- the least, the last and the helpless? Some may argue that this part of pure religion falls mainly to those with the “gift of serving.” Except God’s anger with His people collectively in Isaiah 58 centered on their neglect to care for the poor, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, free the imprisoned, to spend THEMSELVES on behalf of the needy, etc… Maybe He knows something about where the power is found to overcome the corrupting draw of this world. And maybe it doesn’t have too terribly much to do with the way a lot of us order “our” world and what that communicates to our kids. Yikes. That sounded a bit harsh. But what if those of us in the church started our week by saying, “The gospel must be preached to the poor. The hungry must be fed. Jesus’ grace and hope must be held out for the oppressed, the homeless and the needy. How can I pour myself out for that this week?” These are the things in Isaiah 58 the Lord says lead to our light breaking forth like the dawn, our godliness leading us forward, the renewal of our strength and God’s continual guidance. We are very busy. We have jobs, goals and financial responsibilities. But what might happen for our families if we redefined our lives based on what is important to God? These are big things to say, I know. It makes me think of G.K. Chesterton’s famous words, “Christianity has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried.” God is calling our kids to something so much greater than mere moral restraint or PG ways of enjoying themselves. What are we showing them of that kind of life?

Led by Dr. Chap Clark, professor of Youth, Family, and Culture at Fuller Seminary and the author of more than 15 books on adolescence, parenting, and youth ministry, this conference is for youth pastors, volunteer leaders, and parents. The “When Kids Hurt” Conference offers help for adults as they seek to navigate the adolescent maze alongside the kids they care about. How can we help teens to make the transition to adulthood in the midst of fractured families, an increasingly competitive and fast-paced society, and ambiguous moral guidelines?

•Who: Parents & Leaders
•Date: Saturday October 3, 2009 from 9:00am to 3:00pm
•Location: Fellowship Bible Church Dallas
•Cost: Free
•RSVP to: whenkidshurt@verizon.net

If you attended the Family Ministries Training Camp in August, you no doubt heard Deuteronomy 6 referenced: “…Repeat [these commands] again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.” I love these verses. So clear. So purposeful. So practical. However, there is a small disconnect for me that creates a dilemma. Subconsciously, when I envision these verses being lived out in a wonderfully nurturing, Christ-centered home, I picture something like this: a father – unfatigued from his day at work, eager and equipped to engage his children in meaningful ways from the time he returns home until he tucks them snugly in their beds. I picture a soft-spoken, unshakable mother – tirelessly instilling Biblical truths, calmly redirecting her children’s erroneous behavior, undaunted and undistracted in her conviction of her calling. I picture children, on a quiet walk through their neighborhood with their parents, listening with eager little ears… “Tell me again, Dad, how I could better respond to my brother when he takes my favorite airplane from me… Oh yes, that makes much more sense than my rude words and selfish desire to grab it back.”
On the other hand, this was us two weeks ago, during some intentional Deuteronomy 6 time, talking about God’s character and truth:

ME (passionately paraphrasing Isaiah 40 for 10 minutes): Did you know that the Bible says God calls the stars out like an army and knows them all by name? Did you know that He is strong enough to hold this whole world together and that He wants to give us some of His strength?

NOAH (just as passionate): Mom, some day will you take me to Dairy Queen??!!

Ok. I have no response to that. Except, I’ll admit a D.Q. Blizzard did sort of sound good. But let me take you to another of our Deuteronomy 6 moments recently, whereby I took the three boys to our neighbors’ houses, inviting them to partner with us in collecting food for the Stuff the Truck drive at Watermark. I believe it was our third house, where we were invited in. While we there, I was explaining to my neighbor (whose name I barely know) how we believe part of knowing and loving Christ is caring for people and meeting their needs – just like He met our greatest need – while my children stood beside me, learning how to engage people with the Gospel, demonstrating to our neighbors how blessedly behaved children can be when they are raised by God-fearing parents. Wait! Scratch that last part. Actually, while I talked with my neighbor, my children were inexplicably chasing each other, screaming through his house (when I had prepped them beforehand to stand with me like big boys while we were talking), jumping on his couch (which they aren’t even allowed to do at home), and I can’t be sure, but I am pretty confident one of them called my neighbor “Mr. Stinky Pants.” It could have been “Mayor Stinky Pants.” There’s no way to know for sure.

Do you see my dilemma? (You probably see a few at this point.) Deuteronomy 6 FEELS a lot different in real life than it SOUNDS like on the page. It doesn’t sound like a battle, but it is. It is a battle for the hearts of my kids. It is a battle against my craving for something more entertaining than what “again and again” (Deut 6:7) feels like. It is a battle to believe that Isaiah 55 is true and that God’s Word will unfailingly accomplish His purposes, even though I may not feel immediate fruitfulness as I plant it in the souls of three young boys. It may not feel fruitful sometimes, but it is a more sure bet that there will be no fruit if I don’t plant at all. Or if I just plant when I feel inspired to. Or if I plant when I get my housework and errands done. Or when the kids are all at optimal cooperativeness. He says “again and again and again” is what it takes. So let’s all get out there – say a little prayer that He gives my neighbors some sort of divine amnesia for the sake of the Gospel – and plant seeds of truth in our kids. Again and again and again and…

NEXT STEPS

Applying Deuteronomy 6:6-7
In what ways can you be more intentional with the time your family spends – in the car together, around the table at meals, texting each other, starting the morning together, as you end the day and go to bed? Do you utilize a devotional or go through the Journey together? How can your family regularly connect over God’s Word?

If you have preschool children, have you signed up to receive the Starting Blocks PlayBook? It’s an easy way to build on what they are learning at church on Sundays with projects and activities you can do together with other moms or just with your kids at home. Sign up online by checking the PlayBook box HERE

(If Not, Let’s At Least Help These Crazy Kids Along.)

When I was growing up, the idea of arranged marriages seemed like a horrible, cruel tragedy, tantamount to burning someone alive at the stake. Now, as a parent, I think, “I could totally be on board with this.” Of course, I wouldn’t really let myself be that creepy controlling (probably), but you know what I mean when I say this. You have the wisdom of the ages and the experience of a lifetime- they have hormones and Hollywood. You have perspective that sees beyond the fleeting years of youth- they often don’t see beyond the next five minutes. Consider this story, as relayed to me by Grant MacQuilkan, loving father of a wonderful teenage son…

“Hey, Dad, my black pants don’t fit me.” Context: It is 6:50pm and he has to leave at 6:55pm to pick up his girlfriend for Winter Formal. (No doubt girlfriend has shopped forever for the right dress and been getting ready for 3+ hours.) We now establish that the only pants that do fit him are his nasty khaki pants that barely belong next to a pair of jeans, let alone a formal dress. His black blazer, now essential to cover up the khaki tights, looks like a straight jacket and cannot cover the brown belt (black one is too small). “Do you have money to take her out to eat?” I ask. “AhDunno.” “Well, where are you taking her to eat?” Again, the “don’t worry, Old Man, chill: everything is cool!” response…

I just love this story. It cracks me up. If they can’t dress themselves, then what about when it comes to handling the complexities of relationships? Well, I admit I don’t think the highest ideal is arranged marriages, but it seems we are sometimes erring to the other extreme these days. I think of this as the “praying for a miracle” approach, whereby we thank Jesus that He somehow saved us when we too realized our metaphorical black pants didn’t fit with only five minutes to spare, and then we pray like crazy that somehow He does the same for our kids. Clearly I’m not saying that we shouldn’t pray for our kids- it’s one of our greatest gifts to them. I think the loss is when it’s the only gift we give them.

It’s interesting to me that the primary venues for the Proverbs 31 text are women’s retreats and women’s Bible studies. Countless women have poured over these verses, seeking to align their hearts with the Biblical standard of a virtuous woman. Not that I am saying as women we shouldn’t, it only makes sense that we would; however, my point is Proverbs 31:1, “The sayings of King Lemuel contain this message, which his mother taught him…” This text was foremost a mother’s instruction to her son, wisdom from a parent who realized that her young son would need some very clear instruction and guidance if he was going to be able to discern between what was truly worthy character and what might otherwise naturally draw his interest.

I know the parent-child dynamics get more complex as years pass and kids become teenagers and sense the nearness of adulthood. I was very much that teenager… the one who was completely confident in my ability to know pretty much everything about everything… the one convinced my parents didn’t know as much as they thought they knew about my circumstances. How many parents have felt this from their kids? I guess my plea is: don’t buy it! Kids need guidance from their parents, whether they’re six or sixteen. I don’t think King Lemuel’s mother was pleading with him to consider the extensive depths of virtuous character in choosing a wife when her son was four. Certainly, instruction begins in the earliest years, when seeds of Christlike character are sown and virtue is modeled and prized. But as they get older, they need, in many ways, more – not less – from us.

I am surprised sometimes to hear parents talk, for example, about how thrilled they are that their son found a Christian girl to date… as if this were the pinnacle of all they could hope for. It is only the beginning of what to hope for. Are we, with every year, taking our kids deeper into the richness of life with Christ? Are we continually unfolding a Biblical vision for His purposes in their lives that reveals to them the magnificent scope of His mission and calls them to a far greater passion than what the culture is offering them? We not only have the right to do this as their parents… we have the responsibility.

Spend some time with the Lord, asking Him to show you how you can pursue connecting with your children in a way that draws them to the life Christ desires. Ask Him to show you specific ways that you can guide them to make wise choices in their daily lives. Consider a Bible study through the Proverbs with your kids. Don’t be fooled into thinking you are anything less than one of God’s greatest instruments in their lives- not “even” if they are a teenager. Especially if they are a teenager.

TIME OUT – 8.09

Do you know what I heard a lot when I was growing up? “You’re ok.” You know what I’m talking about: you fall down, scrape your knee and start crying- “You’re ok.” You fall off your bike in front of your friends and start sulking off- “It’s not a big deal, you’re ok.” Now, I completely understand the thinking behind this approach. When I fell off my bike and scraped my knee, it truly wasn’t the end of the world, and in the scheme of things I really was going to be fine. But do you know even to this day what my first response usually is when my husband asks me what’s wrong? Take a guess. I may have been on the verge of tears all morning and clearly bothered, but my default response is, “I’m ok.” Now, before I go any further, I would like to say that my parents are wonderful people. I love them dearly, and as an adult, I take full responsibility for needing to learn to say profound things like, “I’m sad” when I am sad But my point is, I think often times as parents we miss a valuable step in teaching our children the art of communication.

It seems to me we often skip the part where we help our kids learn the language to express how they feel about what they have experienced. It starts in the very beginning with even little things. For example, when my toddler falls out of his chair at the breakfast table, I can either try to bring a quicker end to the howling by giving him the “you’re ok” pep talk, followed perhaps by the “you’re so tough” affirmation. Or I can take thirty seconds to first ask him, “Did that hurt?” “Were you a little scared to fall out of that chair?” “Where did it hurt when you fell?” “Yeah, I can see why you’re a little upset. You know what though, I think you’re going to be ok…” It may sound like a very small, insignificant difference, but here’s why I don’t think it is. As adults, we have these wonderfully large perspectives, by which we know that the majority of the daily upsets and dings our kids experience are not really big deals. But children, with their wonderfully small perspectives, are not aware of this. And I think it’s a gift to little ones, to give them a moment to feel like little ones before we ask them to function within our adult perspective. It’s a bigger issue than the momentary sting of hitting the breakfast room floor. It’s creating a relationship where your child knows you care about how they feel, that it is ok for them to feel the way they do, and that you are there to help them handle their experience.

I recently found myself battling this with Noah, our five year old. He had been working with his legos (aka, the most valuable treasure in all the earth) at the table for some time and erupted in frustration as he failed to get the pieces together just the way he wanted. What I was tempted to say was, “They’re just legos.” Translation that even a five year old understands: “Legos don’t matter. You’re making a big deal about nothing. You shouldn’t be upset.” But legos do matter to him. And he’s not a weirdo for feeling that way- he’s just a five year old boy. Why would I make him feel like he was wrong for feeling like a five year old boy? It’s a much richer conversation asking him why it upset him and listening to him talk about how he’s not ever going to be good at building things. And in asking him more about that, I can help him understand that he thinks it makes him special to do things perfectly. And from that we can talk about how nobody can be perfect, only God is perfect. We can talk about things like the role of perseverance, and how we develop skill through practice. We can talk about how it’s ok that we aren’t the best at everything- we just need to be who God made us to be. And that best of all, we aren’t special and precious to God because how good we are but because He made us and loves us.

We best open up their hearts and minds to true perspective when we also help them understand and communicate their own perspective. Every kid, from toddler to teenager, wants to know that their parent understands what’s going on and cares about what’s going on. It’s an interesting dynamic for carrying out the Biblical call to bear one another’s burdens. Are we helping bear our children’s burdens or just convincing them that they aren’t burdens to begin with?

NEXT STEPS
Communication BreakDown
As you think about the ages, personalities and needs of your children, how are you doing in shepherding them through the process of understanding and communicating about what’s going on in their world? For helpful insight into the different stages our kids are going through and how you can equip yourself to parent well through them, plan to attend Training Camp for Parents on August 8. You can sign up and get information at watermark.org or pick up a flier on Sundays.
TIME OUT – 7.09

Although I don’t agree with everything communicated in this message I do wholeheartedly endorse Vodie Baucham’s main message. We as parents have abdicated our role in training our kids for godliness to the church and to our culture and unless there is a monumental effort to recapture our role we will lose the next generation to the culture of the day. Praying that we at Watermark lead the charge in training our kids at home.  You can listen to the message by clicking on the Audio MP3 link below.

Link here

Originally from http://www.fccm.net/

So sorry I didn’t get to blog yesterday.  We had something come up during my time window to blog and I just couldn’t get to it.

So let’s see, Tuesday was another great day of ministry.  There were 5 older men who came to the soccer camp for the day and that was encouraging.  It brought the count up to 7 for the camp.  The TIME local director comes to play and he’s using this time to build relationships with folks.  He met somone today who used to come to the church 10 years ago.  So that was really encouraging to him.

The folks doing VBS at the daycare are having a blast with the kids there.  Several are special needs and our team is loving on them well.  The team is having a blast with the kids.

Our construction team mixed several yards of concrete and got 3 of 5 beams poured.  A great day of work.  The job foreman is quite happy with our progress.  Tomorrow should be a breeze.

Our park ministry went exceptionally well last night.  It was so much better than Monday night.  The games were a blast and the crowd was much more controlled because we basically figured out what we were doing.  Several more kids responded to the call to talk with someone about Jesus.  It was wonderful.

Our body life time last night was a rousing game of Over the Mountain.  Folks are still talking about it.  Add a slippery cement floor, alot of flip flops and about 40 people in a 10 x 15 rectangle of benches and what a recipe for fun.  We gave out the Pescador Award for our Billy Bass actor Reese.  He has done a wonderful job with that part.  We also gave an award for the girl with the “most cement on her” to Cody Jones.  She was a beast under the cement troughs.  Way to go Cody!

Have a great night.  I’ll update today, tomorrow! Gotta go get the troops to bed.

Mark