What a turnout for this past Friday’s event on discipline!
A record setting harvest!

School is in session and perhaps now is the season when we ripened crops are gathered. Oh how I pray we are ripening!

If you’ve gotten a little stale over the summer, fear not, we are back and hope to help. We have a great fall line-up and some yummy bits both for those that gathered with us and those that could not.

For one, after each event, we will post a tasty morsel on the topic along with a related verse memory challenge. Let’s get some of that living water pouring into our over-sunned selves, eh?

Friday’s tasty morsel?
Having a plan.

Ok, I know it sounds obvious, but stick with me here.

For us married folks, yes, we need to be on the same page with our spouse on spanking, timeouts, and consequences for what and when.
But, this plan isn’t just a one time discussion on what ‘method’ is right for your family.

I know! It sure would be easier if that was it.
But rather, it is a bit more painful. Hmmm, a lot more painful.

“No discipline seems pleasant, but painful.
Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

I know this is an oldie, but it IS a goodie. None better on the subject if you ask me, because of the truth oozing from it.

This verse isn’t talking about what method to use. But, that is what we tend to spend lots of our time and energy talking about.

It also isn’t, I believe, just talking about the pain caused the one receiving the discipline.

Oh no. I’d like to argue it is far more work, toil, and effort for the one doing the disciplining.

But, there is hope, an expectant hope, that is well worth all of our effort. It’s not just a little bite of something good. No.
It is a harvest of righteousness.

We are not just after behavior on the outside, but the heart behind it on the inside. That is what God is after too. He talks over and over about going through the motions. Those might impress some, but they are far, far from the real goal. That heart. A heart to love, to obey, to respect, to serve, to follow Him. Because He IS the Righteous One.

Quick to the how…
Setting expectations. That is key.

Yes, setting expectations is really making a plan. This plan isn’t always a big giant spreadsheet of scenarios and consequences.
It is a daily, often moment by moment plan. That’s more my style. ; )

It is taking a few extra minutes to discuss your expectations before doing something.
Like, before you head into the grocery store, “We are headed into the grocery store. I expect you to sit on your bottom in the seat the entire time. Do you want to bring that toy with you to play with?”

Think ahead what you will do if they don’t obey…Will you take them to the restroom for a consequence, or wait until you get home? Take a toy away? Get the critical things you need first and then have the option to leave the rest if needed?

Be prepared. A plan brings peace. And, expectations make it easier for us to follow through. When we follow through, we communicate that we are moms and dads of our word. Oh how I want to be a mommy of my word.

Impulsive is what the panel on Friday advised us to guard against.

Calm is critical, and calm has a much better chance with a plan. Impulsiveness often robs from consistency, and it turns calm into anxiety and frustration. And if our hearts aren’t right, how effective will we be in training theirs?

Better to delay coming up with a consequence than make up one on the fly when I’m anxious and irritated. It’s often more exaggerated or something harder to follow through. Oh how I need more of a plan.

There is a huge benefit of having a plan in every day life things, like getting dressed, eating meals, changing diapers, getting in the car, running errands, painting, cleaning up, readying for bed.

The more you set expectations and consequences for these, the more they become routine. They become built in!

Unfortunately, the behavior and heart to obey aren’t as automatic. Stink.
So when the need for the consequence comes (and it will over and over and over!), recite the promises of Hebrews 12:11.

Write it on your wooden spoon or ‘rod’, put it on/near your naughty spot or timeout space. You can even put it where ‘opportunities’ occur more often, like the changing table for us (ick!).

So, that’s your verse challenge this week. Even if you know it already, a great time to practice is right in the moment.

This recovering Debbie Downer might focus too much on the ‘painful’ part of this verse, but don’t do it! It’s just a reminder than it won’t be all fun and games and I’d dare to say it is setting our expectations!

Most of all, it is an encouragement not to give up, and a great reminder of Who is calling us to this job, Who is ultimately in charge, and the wonderful result that comes with steadfastness…a harvest.
A harvest of righteousness. – by Sundee McDonald

We thought it would be a great introduction to our Mentor Mom Corner to hear from two more of our incredible mentor moms on the very same topic.

Should I expect my 2 1/2 year old to obey the first time,
every time?

Jill Moore, wife to Doug and mother of two, writes…

As parents, it is certainly our desire to bring our children to the point of first time obedience, each time we give them an instruction. This is also God’s desire for our kids and for us as well, since we are His children.

First, you can ask yourself…”have I been consistent in training in this area, and do I deliver consequences consistently for less than first time obedience?” The more you have trained your child at any age, the more you can expect.

Remember, this is a process of molding and shaping the heart. Hebrews 12:11 says “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on however, it produces a harvest of righteousness for those who are trained by it.” So, just like we struggle to learn to obey God in all areas, our children will struggle to obey us.

What we CAN focus on is the harvest of righteousness we are helping to produce in them, rather than how often they “get it right”. Each time they stumble in obedience is a time for planting seeds of truth….the more seeds, the richer the harvest!
So….my answer would be to pray, to train, and to lead your child by example in first time obedience rather than focusing too heavily on what to expect at a certain age.

~~~

Holly Barnett, wife to Dave and mother of two, writes…

In a perfect world, yes, but let’s be realistic.
I’m not saying don’t have that as your goal, but the reality is, that is a very tough thing to accomplish. Some days, you are exhausted and just flat don’t have the energy to enforce obeying all the way with a smile. Or, you might have more than one child and that 2/12 year old knows you can’t discipline while you are nursing a baby, changing diapers, cooking dinner, etc.

That being said, obedience is crucial to effective parenting and it is MUCH easier to train first time obedience in a little one than it is when they are older. This is a battle you must win or your child will not be a blessing to you or to others! Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

How do you do this? By being consistent and explaining what you expect (example: when we get to the grocery store, you will be sitting in the basket and you may not beg me for candy at the checkout.) When they get older, you can explain the reason why. Remember to be age appropriate, you don’t need to explain to your 18 month old why we need to wear a coat in winter, shoes to the store or why they can’t run out in the street. However, you can explain to a 2 ½ year old why we use our inside voice in the library (so as to not disrupt others from their reading.) Ephesians 6:4 reads, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Now to consequences, 2 things: First, even families who love the Lord will parent differently as to what they require from their children and how they discipline them. Every family is different. If you have a husband, let him lead in this area and decide with him what your standards will be and how you will discipline.

Second, every child is different. Some kids just need a stern voice or gentle reminder and others need the rod often! Know your child. Also, know it is okay for you to correct each child in the manner that produces your desired result in him or her. In other words, not one size fits all!

Remember, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

Holly Barnett
214.691.7498
dhbarnett@sbcglobal.net

Jill Moore
214.912.9412
moore.four@sbcglobal.net

Millye Hale
214.707.1435
wblainehale@flash.net

Should I expect my 2 1/2 year old to obey the first time, every time?

Millye Hale, Building Blocks mentor mom and incredible mother of three, gives her insight…

I thought this was a great question and I read the question should I “expect”. In reading it this way, I absolutely think you should “expect” your 2 1/2 year old to obey the first time, every time. Now will they? Chances are, no. But, you should “expect” it.

During this life stage are many opportunities to train! We should don t-shirts when our kids turn 16 months….Trainer and trainee!

A two year old is not trained yet, but to extend leniency because they are two sends a clear message and allows a pattern of disobedience to take root. This is our opportunity to train our children toward righteousness (Hebrews 12 :11)! How exciting!

If I asked 10 mothers of 2 1/2 year old children who has the brightest child, chances are 10 hands would go up. At this age- they can say their ABC’s, count to 20, some are even starting to read, and you’re gonna tell me they don’t know right from wrong? These little people are bright and I assure you if you wait until they communicate that they understand obedience and disobedience, you’re way too late. James Dobson says if you start discipline 10 minutes after your child is born you’re 10 minutes too late.

So what does God’s word say about the art of discipline, well in Ephesians 6:4 he talks about discipline and instruction, and in Proverbs 29:15 he calls for the rod and reproof. In training our children, these two (discipline and instruction) must go hand in hand. I can assure you James Dobson is not suggestioning we spank our newborns, but I think discipline begins with a plan. Having a plan in place from the beginning is key, and even more important is to communicate it to them.

What are your expectations for your children’s behavior?
Begin communicating these expectations to your child right from the beginning. Certainly, when our children are really young I believe the reproof and instruction are key and should start right from birth. I feel as parents we set a standard of expectations for our children and this standard must be communicated from the beginning and often. My thought was always to set the standard high as I feel like our children will ultimately rise to the standard we set. In relation to this standard, I always encourage my children to be hurdlers and not to go through life doing the limbo or just enough to get by.

We must understand our role as parents and that is to train our children. All effective discipline must be initiated from a heart geared towards training and not out of anger. They arrive here with sinful hearts and it is our job to retrain those hearts. Always remember, it is not the severity of the punishment that changes behavior, but the certainty. The certainty comes from clear instructions and expectations communicated to your child prior to an offense taking place, and the conviction of consistancy to deliver consequences when the offense occurs!

Don’t look at disobedience as a burden to deal with, but view it as an opportunity. An opportunity to train, while we plant and cultivate God’s word in these tender little hearts that will ultimately take root and shape and mold their character as they grow!

———
Titus 2 tells older women to encourage younger women to love their husbands and their children. If you are looking for an older woman to answer any questions or just offer encouragement to your situation, please do not hesitate to reach out to one of our mentor moms.

Holly Barnett
214.691.7498
dhbarnett@sbcglobal.net

Jill Moore
214.912.9412
moore.four@sbcglobal.net

Millye Hale
214.707.1435
wblainehale@flash.net

Any guesses what parenting topic prompts the greatest turnout?
Want a hint? The first letter of the word makes a duh sound. Duh-duh-duh-discipline. (Sounding out letters and words is big around my house these days.)

Discipline. Time-outs, spankings, corrections, obeying, teaching, training, rule following. Whew. When I think of discipline, negative thoughts come to mind.

I’m not really off base, I mean, even God’s word tells us that it is:

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

And it isn’t just painful. It is exhausting.
At the beginning of her talk on “The Importance of Mom”, Jinger Lord played a very hilarious reminder of how exhausting parenting is: The Mom Song.

I don’t want to go to bed worn out and thinking that the next day will just start it all over again. But some days I do feel just like that.

I want to have FUN. Instead of getting frustrated, I want to laugh about that question that was repeated for the zillionth time, even though I answered it after the first. I want whining to roll off my back, manipulating to be ‘nice try’s, and the day to be filled with 10 times more joy than angst. I want be light-hearted, to laugh and to smile and to, well…

DISCO.
(ahh, another great D word)

Disco? Is she serious?
Yes, yes I am. I mean, wouldn’t you like to trade in at least a few of your crinkled-noses and finger waves for a smile and pointed finger like this each day? : )

When I looked again at this picture, I noticed two things.
1. My finger is pointing upward.
Rather than pointing at the source of my frustration in these trying moments, I want to point toward the source of my inspiration, my hope, my peace-giver – the One with all the answers. After all, if I’ve turned my life over to Him, don’t I think he can handle whining, constant demands, food battles, nighttime struggles, and sleep deprivation?

“Absodutely!”, my 4 year old would say.

2. My attitude is one of joy.
David wrote, “My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.” Psalm 57:7

I’m not claiming that David was doing disco, but his heart was focused on God, through some very difficult and sometimes painful circumstances. But, God’s faithfulness and promises brought him joy. Joy to sing and make music, and I’d dare say even dance.

So, how about today, we try discipline with a twist (and shout). I’ll call it DISCOpline. (feel free to laugh at me now, if you weren’t already) Let’s make a joyful noise to the Lord. Or, as this disco momma would say, “Let’s get our groove on.”

Lord, help us stay steadfast in disciplining these precious children that You have so graciously entrusted to us. Thank you for David’s heart to remind us that this struggle doesn’t always have to be a grind, but can be with a sweet song and dance. I pray that today we find a little more joy in our day, and a little less angst, knowing your promises are not just for today, but forever. – Sundee McDonald

Next time, I’ll hit more on this steadfastness and what Jinger says is of utmost importance in our job as moms. I’ll give you a clue…it is another D word. ; )
To hear Jinger’s talk on The Importance of Mom online, click here.

For More Information:

Building Blocks is a ministry that connects parents of preschool-aged children with other parents in the same challenging life stage. This ministry provides parents with the training, encouragement and resources they need to raise passionate followers of Christ. We host informal weekly gatherings, at least one speaker each month, and periodic special events.

Next Opportunity:
3rd Annual Easter Egg Hunt
March 18, 10 am – noon – REGISTER NOW!

Hop on over and join Building Blocks for a morning of fun for parents and kids! Bring your basket and invite a friend to this “eggstra” special event. We will fellowship and stuff eggs while the kiddos are in childcare, and then let the hunt begin! Please be sure to reserve a spot so we can plan accordingly.

Why do I say the towel is on the ground? Because, according to my husband, that’s where I have thrown it when it comes to discipline and our youngest child. This was our conversation not too long ago…

Him: We need to talk about Ben.

Me in my head: Shoot, this can’t be good.

Him: Seems like you’ve really thrown in the towel with him. We were so consistent with the other boys when it came to addressing their behavior, and I feel like you’ve just lost steam with him.

Me in my head: [not 100% printable] so Me a few seconds later: I know, I know.

In his defense, he is completely correct, even though his message was moderately irritating. In my defense, I have three children under the age of four and the precious angels have worn me down to a tiny little nub. Because here’s the deal: raising kids is really hard. Perhaps this thought has occurred to you before. Perhaps you can relate, wherever you may be in the process. Maybe you have a teenage daughter who is emotionally destroyed on a weekly basis by whatever you say or do, and you feel like you just cannot go through it one more time. Maybe you’ve got a son who pushes boundaries like he’s getting paid to do it (not that you can get him to put much effort towards the job he is getting paid to do.) Maybe you are one of us poor suckers who’s baby refuses to sleep through the night. No matter what you do. In fact, the more you try to get them to sleep, the less they do. Almost as if- could they be taunting you at eight months old? The answer is yes. Can you survive on this little sleep for this long?
Some people will say, “It’s tough, but it’s just a phase. You’ll be fine.”These are the people who’s babies slept through the night and have no idea how you’re feeling. Ignore them.

Anyhow, this brings me back to my point- raising kids is hard. In fact, it’s too hard. We all find ourselves at times in our journey as parents when we come face to face with our weaknesses and limits. Here’s one reason why we should resist the urge to throw in the towel and, instead, recognize those times as treasures: because God says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor. 12:9) Just earlier today as I was attempting to deal with a grand tantrum my youngest was throwing whilst in the doctor’s office with my other two children, I found myself muttering, “I can’t handle this.” I think the apostle Paul would say something to the effect of, “Perfect! …the ideal grounds for learning to live by God’s strength and not yours.” After all, our adventure in the doctor’s office this morning was just as much about God growing me as it was about me shepherding my kids. Now, what does it take to live each moment, aware of that truth and delighting in God’s curriculum for us and our children? In a word, HELP.

The Family Ministry at Watermark is passionate about partnering with you as you seek to embrace God’s grace in every step of your journey as parents. It is our desire to walk with you as we live with a constant awareness of our weakness and a continual pursuit of His strength to accomplish His purposes for our families. So here are a few practical notes as we pursue this journey together…

- Sarah Stehlik

NEXT STEPS

Is The Towel On the Ground?
Set aside some time this week when you as a parent can evaluate where you are in your parenting journey. Ask some questions like: What am I/ we doing well? Where am I throwing in the towel? Am I  seeking God (through prayer, through Scripture, through community) for specific direction concerning my/our children? Do I have a thorough understanding of how each of my children are doing? Ask God to show you how you can parent more fully out of His strength.