Brown. That is the color of my thumbs. Every plant in my home usually ends up in the compost. It’s tragic. I want so badly to be surrounded by beautiful plants in and around my home. The ones on the outside do pretty well because that’s my husband’s territory. However, there is one garden where I cannot afford to fail. My children. I recently told Irene over at Bloesem: Kids that I want my boys to be “forever brothers.” If I am to succeed in grounding and rooting their love for one another, they must first understand the love of their heavenly father. That is where today’s craft comes in.

I’m a relatively new Mom. Everyday I am faced with new challenges and wonder if I will ever get this Mom thing right. So I seek help. Twice a month our church has an event called Building Blocks, with speakers offering wisdom and insight from all that they have learned through their own journey and God’s word. It’s awesome. I can’t begin to tell you how much I have learned. A couple of weeks ago the topic was Siblings. Millye and Alex (the speakers) shared their wisdom and insight in Purposeful Planting. I have turned the discussion into not one, but two crafts.

Materials for kids:
chocolate chips
chocolate pudding
chocolate cookies
gummy worms
spoon
clear drinking glass

Materials for Mom:
scissors
glue
construction paper
small photos of kids (their face mainly)
popcicle sticks
green paint or marker
coffee beans
scripture printed on paper (your favorite verses for your kids/family)
vase

I told my boys that we were planting a garden and asked them what we needed. My oldest shouts, “Water! Sun!” He was right. But I told him we also needed seeds and dirt with good nutrients.

seeds (chocolate chips)

mud (pudding) and dirt (cookies)

we also put worms in their dirt and mixed it all up

Now, I didn’t plan what happened next and to be honest, I got really mad when it happened, but God works all things for our good and His glory. Because my boys are pretty young (5 and 2) I thought I would let them eat their “garden” while we made our “family garden.” My youngest couldn’t eat it fast enough. My oldest threw a huge fit and started crying because he didn’t like his worms “with all that stuff.” It should be noted that he never gets gummy worms or anything else that sticks in teeth, but he loves them. I began to throw a fit too. Luckily he left the room and we both had some time to calm down. Upon his return, God gave me some wisdom. I asked him if his garden that wasn’t cared for and was left alone without love and nutrients produced any flowers or fruit? He replied, “no.” We then went on to talk about how when we let God take care of us, provide for us and guide us through his words and deeds, then we produce the fruits of the spirit. We both talked about his garden yielding the weeds of anger, frustration and selfishness (in both of us).

We went on to make our “family garden.”pour coffee beans (dirt) into your vase

add nutrients i.e. food and water (scripture) by rolling up the verses and putting them in the soil

paint/color popcicle sticks

cut leaves and flowers out of construction paper

cut out children’s faces from picture

put flowers into vase

We did a little pretend watering as well. We also talked about God creating each child uniquely with their own special purpose and gifts. And while my oldest meticulously cut out the flowers (he’s learning to use scissors) and glued them, I would like to say we talked about how God cares for us daily and provides everything we need, but their attentions spans are that of gnats! Maybe we’ll do this again once they are older.

If you would like to listen to this talk about Siblings online, go here. It’s Amazing. You will not regret it!
Millye and Alex talked about preparing the soil – “intentionally creating a richness where each person feels valued and respected by all.” “Planting in the right environment.” You’ve got to follow the plant tags: full sun – 6 hours, water, afternoon shade, etc. What are your kids telling you they need? Are you treating each child as the same plant or are you giving them exactly what he or she needs as an individual? And on and on it goes. This is good stuff! I apologize for the extremely long post, but there was so much to share. I didn’t want you to miss a drop! I pray that this craft and this talk on Siblings blesses you as much as it did and will my family. xo – Brooke Fish

“Time is a gift”, said Antoinette Davis in her talk on Heart of Service. Simple and so true.

For me, that seemed like a great place to begin giving.

Unsure of where to serve specifically, I knew of only 1 place to look.
Upward.

When I’m busy w/ my own agenda, I’m not as available to God or to others. So, I took my to-do list, the one written and the one like a constant rolodex in my head, and put it in my pocket.

Now, some of these items on my list were important, like grocery shopping, doing laundry, and cleaning the house.

But, for a couple of days, I committed to praying before I did each and every stupid little thing on my list. And while there’s a phrase about the devil being in the details, I think God was there instead.

The first morning, I was on my way to bible study. I was early, really early. I drove down the freeway thinking about what I could accomplish beforehand. Ah, BABIES-R-US was the next exit and I needed diapers, wipes, and puffs. Perfect! They’re even open early.

Just before I changed lanes to exit, I remembered my commitment and I prayed for God to lead me wherever He had me in that moment.
I felt immediately like I wasn’t supposed to go. I didn’t think He was going to care about me going to BRU, but that day, He did. I thought, really? Okay, I guess I’ll have to find another time to go.

Kept driving and pulled into the church parking lot. It was 9:40 am and bible study started at 10:30. I was feeling a little silly about being there so early.

As I was about to pull into a spot, another car stopped right in front of me. Plenty of spots, we politely waited for each other to pull in first.
It was an unusually long pause. I looked up and realized it was a very close friend of mine. She was here early too.

My 7 month old had fallen asleep in the car, so I decided to park and work on my study while I let him sleep. My friend walked by and waved. I waved back and then signed that the baby was sleeping, so I didn’t roll the window down.
She walked on and then, DUH!!! It hit me.

Time with her was what God had put on my to-do list this morning. He nearly had to knock me over the head (or bump my car and wave through the window) to get me to comply, but I did. She and I rarely get time together anymore and we needed some, so this morning was both purposeful and nice to be with my dear friend.

The rest of the day went along the same way, without me being quite as slow to catch on. There were a few other interventions to my list and few things that did get marked off.

At the end of the day, did I feel disappointed that I didn’t mark more off my list? Not once.
I spent the day walking with God, allowing the Lord whom I say is my King, to actually be my King and lead me.

If only I could keep this perspective every day. Why is it so hard?

I can admit that there were other days I did this well, but the past few I’ve gone back to running my good ol’ to-do list.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with a to-do list. Some things on mine even involve serving others. But, when my list rules my day, I’m not allowing God to guide me. Even when my heart behind the to-do is good, it may not be where God wants me that day, and better yet, it may be where He wants to use someone else.

So, tomorrow I’m starting a new commitment to pray before each item.
How about doing it with me?

I’ve got one hand (putting my to-do list) in my pocket, and the other one is giving a peace sign. : ) – Sundee McDonald

For more on capturing and cultivating a heart for service in you and your children, click here to listen to Antoinette Davis’ talk.

It has been about a year since Kyle Kaigler first came to me and said, “Hey, I need you to write some funny but true stuff about parenting.” For those of you who have not taken Watermark History 101, I worked on staff for Kaigler in my previous life before having children. And anyone who knows Kaigler knows that once you work for Kaigler, you sort of always work for Kaigler. He is, in this way, a ministry mafia of sorts… but in a more “friends are friends forever” kind of way versus “The Sopranos” kind of way. All of this to say, I have been reflecting on the last year and some of the topics we have covered in this newsletter: help your child learn to communicate. Model thankfulness. Teach them what a life of mission is. Be diligent and consistent in training them in godliness… many things we should be doing as parents.

Well, I am shaking things up this month and suggesting that we spend a little bit of time considering what we should NOT be doing as parents. Fortunately, my behavior this past month in particular has been super helpful in giving me material for this topic. To get the ball rolling, let me share a few parenting tactics that have not worked for our family:

1. Set unrealistic expectations for your children and then be frustrated with them when they do not meet those expectations. For example, try taking two preschool boys from store to store for HOURS, where they are not allowed to touch things, play with things, run off, be silly, chase each other… in short, they are allowed to stand there. Quietly. All morning. Call me from store number three, and let me know how that works out. What am I saying is, you can’t afford to take your eye off the ball for a minute at that stage of the game. Two average preschoolers could bring down an entire store in the length of a phone call. On second thought, just smile and remember every word you say will very likely join your little ones’ vocabulary. See also my five year old’s response to a spilled box of crayons recently: “Oh Lord, why!!!!”

2. Try to get your child out of his whiny, negative mood by snapping and barking at him. The hypocrisy is particularly stunning when you combine a scowl of frustration with something like, “You need to have a sweet attitude.” I don’t know in this scenario if I am the pot, the kettle, or the potato peeler, but I know it’s not good.

3. Ask ridiculous rhetorical questions to which you already know the answer and which serve no purpose other than feeding your own flesh. For instance, “Can you boys not play together for ten minutes without being selfish and fighting over the toys?!” Clearly for those ten minutes the answer was “no”- were you not paying attention? The next time you are tempted to ask this question you might divert yourself with the following, “Can I not respond to my preschoolers like an adult without resorting to sarcasm like a self-centered adolescent?” It’s not pretty, is it.

Unfortunately I could keep going, but I hate to steal all the good ones. When was the last time you took a long look at your “strategic growth opportunities” as a parent? Or to put it plainly: where you are simply missing it with your kids? What would it give our children if we were passionate about not losing our temper with them. About not belittling their problems. About not failing to engage with them because we are tired or lazy… whatever it may be for you. I’m not saying what if we tried to do better at these things; I’m saying what if we were relentless about them. Call it parental spring cleaning, but I’m ready to take out some garbage. The first step is admitting you have a problem, and I know what mine is (as does everyone who walked by us in the paint department at Lowe’s last week). But if you only take one step, it makes for a pretty lame trip. — written by Sarah Stehlik

NEXT STEPS
Take some time to identify the specific behavior that needs to be eliminated from your parenting. Ask the Lord to guide you in this and show you how to “put off your old self… to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God…” (Eph 4.22-24) Come up with clear goals that your spouse or friends can hold you accountable to. Find a good book to encourage you along the way. You can visit our blog HERE for a list of books recommended by the Family Ministries team.

If you have preschool children, have you signed up to receive the Starting Blocks PlayBook? It’s an easy way to build on what they are learning at church on Sundays with projects and activities you can do together with other moms or just with your kids at home. Sign up online by checking the PlayBook box HERE

TIME OUT – 04.10

There’s another D word, more critical and encompassing than discipline, yet it is very, very close in written form.
Guesses? (Can you tell I like games?)

Duh-duh-DISCIPLE.

We are called to go and make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19).
But Jinger wasn’t talking that day about all nations, the masses, or even just friends and neighbors. Nope. You don’t even have to go next door to find these itty bitty disciples-in-waiting.

We’ve been specifically assigned these precious children in our very homes as our disciples. It’s a little scary, isn’t it?

When I think of disciples, Peter comes to mind. Can you just picture him all excited and ready to jump right out of that boat to walk on the water with Jesus? Maybe he wanted to be first, maybe he was a bit too anxious, and yes, he got scared and began to sink. BUT, for a brief moment, one beautiful, trusting, faithful moment, he was walking…walking with Jesus in faith.

That’s what I want for my two boys, for them to learn to walk in faith more and more each day, moment by moment. That’s what I want for myself, too.

I know better than to expect that will just happen on its own.
I mean, does a seed sprout and flourish into a beautiful, sweet-smelling flower by simply burying it in the dirt?

My sad little flower bed would say no.
The same is true with our kids.

We have to plant, provide sunshine, water, fortify, protect, and even prune.

It takes effort. Not just once and that’s it. But, this gardening/discipleship is a process that takes time, effort, diligence and patience to yield its crop. Oh how God loves a gardening analogy, and encourages us in Galatians 6:9:

“Let us not grow weary in doing good,
for in due season we will reap a harvest
if we do not give up.“

To hear Jinger’s talk on The Importance of Mom online, click here.

Next Building Blocks Event:
SIBLINGS
April 15, 10am – noon – REGISTER NOW!
How to encourage your children to live, laugh, and love each other. Lots of different factors make the dynamic of each family unique. Come be encouraged by Alex Wagner, mother of six, and Millye Hale, mother of three, as they discuss the causes, consequences and possible solutions to dealing with sibling rivalry. Childcare is provided for this event if you register by April 8.

Any guesses what parenting topic prompts the greatest turnout?
Want a hint? The first letter of the word makes a duh sound. Duh-duh-duh-discipline. (Sounding out letters and words is big around my house these days.)

Discipline. Time-outs, spankings, corrections, obeying, teaching, training, rule following. Whew. When I think of discipline, negative thoughts come to mind.

I’m not really off base, I mean, even God’s word tells us that it is:

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

And it isn’t just painful. It is exhausting.
At the beginning of her talk on “The Importance of Mom”, Jinger Lord played a very hilarious reminder of how exhausting parenting is: The Mom Song.

I don’t want to go to bed worn out and thinking that the next day will just start it all over again. But some days I do feel just like that.

I want to have FUN. Instead of getting frustrated, I want to laugh about that question that was repeated for the zillionth time, even though I answered it after the first. I want whining to roll off my back, manipulating to be ‘nice try’s, and the day to be filled with 10 times more joy than angst. I want be light-hearted, to laugh and to smile and to, well…

DISCO.
(ahh, another great D word)

Disco? Is she serious?
Yes, yes I am. I mean, wouldn’t you like to trade in at least a few of your crinkled-noses and finger waves for a smile and pointed finger like this each day? : )

When I looked again at this picture, I noticed two things.
1. My finger is pointing upward.
Rather than pointing at the source of my frustration in these trying moments, I want to point toward the source of my inspiration, my hope, my peace-giver – the One with all the answers. After all, if I’ve turned my life over to Him, don’t I think he can handle whining, constant demands, food battles, nighttime struggles, and sleep deprivation?

“Absodutely!”, my 4 year old would say.

2. My attitude is one of joy.
David wrote, “My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.” Psalm 57:7

I’m not claiming that David was doing disco, but his heart was focused on God, through some very difficult and sometimes painful circumstances. But, God’s faithfulness and promises brought him joy. Joy to sing and make music, and I’d dare say even dance.

So, how about today, we try discipline with a twist (and shout). I’ll call it DISCOpline. (feel free to laugh at me now, if you weren’t already) Let’s make a joyful noise to the Lord. Or, as this disco momma would say, “Let’s get our groove on.”

Lord, help us stay steadfast in disciplining these precious children that You have so graciously entrusted to us. Thank you for David’s heart to remind us that this struggle doesn’t always have to be a grind, but can be with a sweet song and dance. I pray that today we find a little more joy in our day, and a little less angst, knowing your promises are not just for today, but forever. – Sundee McDonald

Next time, I’ll hit more on this steadfastness and what Jinger says is of utmost importance in our job as moms. I’ll give you a clue…it is another D word. ; )
To hear Jinger’s talk on The Importance of Mom online, click here.

For More Information:

Building Blocks is a ministry that connects parents of preschool-aged children with other parents in the same challenging life stage. This ministry provides parents with the training, encouragement and resources they need to raise passionate followers of Christ. We host informal weekly gatherings, at least one speaker each month, and periodic special events.

Next Opportunity:
3rd Annual Easter Egg Hunt
March 18, 10 am – noon – REGISTER NOW!

Hop on over and join Building Blocks for a morning of fun for parents and kids! Bring your basket and invite a friend to this “eggstra” special event. We will fellowship and stuff eggs while the kiddos are in childcare, and then let the hunt begin! Please be sure to reserve a spot so we can plan accordingly.

You’re sitting on the edge of the couch watching the season finale of your favorite T.V. show. It’s getting more and more intense. As you’re watching, you find yourself leaning forward and creeping closer and closer to the edge of your seat. And at the exact moment when you think closure is coming, answers you’ve been waiting for, resolution to the season’s events…BOOM.

‘To be continued…’ flashes on the screen.

It’s just for a season. That’s what I tell myself often in this life with small kiddos.  I put my own to-do lists, desires, and sometimes needs aside in order to love, serve, teach, and train them. After all, it’s just for a season, right? And in Sarah Stehlik’s wise words (that I repeat to myself nearly daily), “To love is to die, and they are worth me dying today.” I might not do it well, but I truly believe that.

I went to Building Blocks for the topic on School Days. Three moms were planning to speak about their experiences and merits of home, private, and public schooling. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking I was going to get much out of it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I firmly believe in the value of all three. But, you see, we’re set. We live in a great neighborhood with an exemplary public elementary school. We’re close with the many families on our short block and thankful that our kids will be schooling and living life together. School, check.

While just the thought of Reece going off to Kindergarten aches my heart greatly, these ladies reminded me that the time is coming fast and furious.  At the same time, I also began to wonder what my new life will look like once he’s at school. Oooh, lots more time to myself again. Getting my body back into shape, one-on-one time with Zach, showers, make-up and big girl clothes, having lunch with friends every now and then, and even kicking photography back into a small business again.

Seems I was daydreaming, as the speakers continued. I felt the edges of my mouth curving ever so upward with this thought of getting a little more of ME back. And then…BOOM.

God hits with His message for me today:  

“To be continued.”

Dude, this season is so NOT going to be over when my kids begin school. Not in the least. It is a new season starting with a whole new cast of characters, set of challenges, wider spectrum of influences, and even greater responsibilities. 

Oh, I’ll be busy…busy in the business of training, teaching, disciplining, serving, and loving my children, whether home, private, or public schooled. 

Lord, thank you for this privilege of being a mother. May I never take it lightly. I pray You continue to prepare, mold, and change me for this road ahead. Much more than academic achievements, I pray my children come to know you, love you, live with and rest in You along the way. Not just for a time, but for all time. – by Sundee McDonald

For More Information:

Building Blocks is a ministry that connects parents of preschool-aged children with other parents in the same challenging life stage. This ministry provides parents with the training, encouragement and resources they need to raise passionate followers of Christ. We host informal weekly gatherings, at least one speaker each month, and periodic special events.

Listen Online:
To listen to School Days online at Watermark Radio, click here.

Next Opportunity:

HEART OF SERVICE
Friday, March 5, 10am – noon – REGISTER NOW!
It’s a long journey from a preschooler’s “me me me” to a servant’s heart, but charity really does begin at home!  How do you develop the godly trait of generosity of time, talents, and treasures?  This discussion will explore ideas for teaching and encouraging your preschoolers to begin cultivating a heart to care for and serve others. 

Well, what an amazing full day of minstry.

The day started with a 6am wake up call and a 6:30 devotional meeting.  Everyone was then set free for 45 minutes of quiet time before breakfast.  And I’m telling you, the food we are being served is amazing.  The three little Mexican ladies do a wonderful job of mixing traditional and American foods at each meal.  And we are really being fed well.

Robbi was feeling much better this morning.  Thanks for praying for her.

After breakfast we loaded up our vans and headed out to three ministry venues.

The construction team moved 40 wheelbarrows full of aggrigate from the ground to the second floor of a church TIME is adding on to.  That’s about 17 buckets of aggrigate per wheelbarrow times 40.  We accomplished that in under three hours.

The soccer camp had a very small turn out, but they had fun with what kids showed up.  We announced the camp at tonights park ministry so hopefully there will be more tomorrow.

The group that went to the daycare had a great group of about 20 kids all under the age of four years old.  What a blast they had playing with the kids and teaching them Bible stories and doing crafts with them.  They had a great time.   There are even a few special needs kids there.

This afternoon we went down town to shop at an open-air mall.  It was pretty hot but we were able to go into stores that had air conditioning…a wonderful treat.

After dinner tonight we went down to the park about a block away and had a wonderful turn0ut for tonights park program.  We played water games, had face painting and tons of bubbles flying.   We performed our spanish version of Billy Bass and friends puppet show and Gary Overman gave his testimony followed by a gospel presentation by the local pastor.  There were close to 80 kids there and that number will continue to grow in the next two days.

Just a few bumps and bruises after the day…the Lord has protected us well so far, please pray for that to continue.

I’m so excited about how our team is responding to the challenges they are being faced with.  It’s great to see the team come together and work together.  I’ll try and attach a pic or two, not sure if it will work or not.

Mark

The context was: Ben, our one year old, sustained a pretty substantial mouth injury while staying with my parents out of town recently. They took him to a doctor, who felt confident he would be fine without further medical treatment, and we scheduled an appointment with our pediatric dentist on Tuesday after he would return home on Monday.
The plot twist was: Back home Monday evening, Ben started bleeding from his mouth. A lot. This was an extremely concerning development to me three days after the initial injury, and I wanted (very badly) to take him to an after hours clinic.
The catch was: my husband was not as concerned as me and felt convinced we should just wait and have the kids’ dentist check him out the next day as planned.
Now, I would like to tell you that I had the grace to recognize that Paul and I were on the same team and that we were both equally seeking the best for Ben. But I believe my exact words were, “I am in full mama bear mode, and you are standing in my way.” To my credit I did not resort to physical violence or other drastic measures, and to Paul’s credit, it turned out his instincts were on target and the dentist confirmed that Ben was ok. But in a moment of embarrasingly honest confession the next day, I did admit that in situations like that I feel like I own the children. I am fairly confident that I was seeing him as something less than the head of our family.

Am I the only one who finds it hard to be “in charge” all day with the kids and then be challenged to surrender some of that authority- sometimes when you feel the most passionately? For me, this episode brought the realization that I often don’t see my role during the day as Paul’s helper- his completer. Often, for all practical purposes, he has gone to work and I am running my house. It’s a subtle thing, but dismissing from my active awareness his role as the head of our house lets me operate as if our house is my house. This thinking also leads me to belittle him in various areas pertaining to our family life where I make him feel incapable of doing things around the house well enough to meet my standards… as if I am the one setting all the standards that everyone in our house must live up to.
So the question that I have been asking myself that I share with you is: Whatever I might say my understanding of our marital roles is, what do my daily actions say about how I see those roles? In other words, am I respecting my husband in theory or with intentional thought, word and action on a daily basis? The spiritual parallels are clearly ginormous as well… whatever I might say about God’s sovereignty and supremacy, do I live like all the facets of daily life are mine or His? Deep questions that all of us moms have loads of free time to meditate on. But why don’t you ask your husband for a night off this week to go to Starbucks, where you can spend some time with the Lord evaluating your roles as wife and mom and thinking about how you can grow in your respect for him… I bet he says yes.

Sarah