Brown. That is the color of my thumbs. Every plant in my home usually ends up in the compost. It’s tragic. I want so badly to be surrounded by beautiful plants in and around my home. The ones on the outside do pretty well because that’s my husband’s territory. However, there is one garden where I cannot afford to fail. My children. I recently told Irene over at Bloesem: Kids that I want my boys to be “forever brothers.” If I am to succeed in grounding and rooting their love for one another, they must first understand the love of their heavenly father. That is where today’s craft comes in.

I’m a relatively new Mom. Everyday I am faced with new challenges and wonder if I will ever get this Mom thing right. So I seek help. Twice a month our church has an event called Building Blocks, with speakers offering wisdom and insight from all that they have learned through their own journey and God’s word. It’s awesome. I can’t begin to tell you how much I have learned. A couple of weeks ago the topic was Siblings. Millye and Alex (the speakers) shared their wisdom and insight in Purposeful Planting. I have turned the discussion into not one, but two crafts.

Materials for kids:
chocolate chips
chocolate pudding
chocolate cookies
gummy worms
spoon
clear drinking glass

Materials for Mom:
scissors
glue
construction paper
small photos of kids (their face mainly)
popcicle sticks
green paint or marker
coffee beans
scripture printed on paper (your favorite verses for your kids/family)
vase

I told my boys that we were planting a garden and asked them what we needed. My oldest shouts, “Water! Sun!” He was right. But I told him we also needed seeds and dirt with good nutrients.

seeds (chocolate chips)

mud (pudding) and dirt (cookies)

we also put worms in their dirt and mixed it all up

Now, I didn’t plan what happened next and to be honest, I got really mad when it happened, but God works all things for our good and His glory. Because my boys are pretty young (5 and 2) I thought I would let them eat their “garden” while we made our “family garden.” My youngest couldn’t eat it fast enough. My oldest threw a huge fit and started crying because he didn’t like his worms “with all that stuff.” It should be noted that he never gets gummy worms or anything else that sticks in teeth, but he loves them. I began to throw a fit too. Luckily he left the room and we both had some time to calm down. Upon his return, God gave me some wisdom. I asked him if his garden that wasn’t cared for and was left alone without love and nutrients produced any flowers or fruit? He replied, “no.” We then went on to talk about how when we let God take care of us, provide for us and guide us through his words and deeds, then we produce the fruits of the spirit. We both talked about his garden yielding the weeds of anger, frustration and selfishness (in both of us).

We went on to make our “family garden.”pour coffee beans (dirt) into your vase

add nutrients i.e. food and water (scripture) by rolling up the verses and putting them in the soil

paint/color popcicle sticks

cut leaves and flowers out of construction paper

cut out children’s faces from picture

put flowers into vase

We did a little pretend watering as well. We also talked about God creating each child uniquely with their own special purpose and gifts. And while my oldest meticulously cut out the flowers (he’s learning to use scissors) and glued them, I would like to say we talked about how God cares for us daily and provides everything we need, but their attentions spans are that of gnats! Maybe we’ll do this again once they are older.

If you would like to listen to this talk about Siblings online, go here. It’s Amazing. You will not regret it!
Millye and Alex talked about preparing the soil – “intentionally creating a richness where each person feels valued and respected by all.” “Planting in the right environment.” You’ve got to follow the plant tags: full sun – 6 hours, water, afternoon shade, etc. What are your kids telling you they need? Are you treating each child as the same plant or are you giving them exactly what he or she needs as an individual? And on and on it goes. This is good stuff! I apologize for the extremely long post, but there was so much to share. I didn’t want you to miss a drop! I pray that this craft and this talk on Siblings blesses you as much as it did and will my family. xo – Brooke Fish

Do you know what scares the Krispy Kremes right out of me? It’s thinking about raising boys in today’s culture. The fear- I mean the real fear- first gripped me when I was pregnant with our first son. I drove weekly by a billboard for a boot warehouse that enraged me. Boots, you ask? Yes. Clearly, what more logical way to sell work boots than by putting them on a scantily dressed woman who wouldn’t be caught dead wearing them in real life… unless nearly naked and having her picture taken- then, by all means. Then there were the hamburger joint commercials with spokesperson Hugh Heffner, declaring his love of the menu diversity- “because nobody wants the same thing every night.” Then there are the magazines my kids pass in the check out line at the grocery store. In any other context the picture would be porn, but somehow the exercise-related title of the magazine is supposed to make me say, “Oh, I thought it was porn, but it turns out to just be about my health and well-being.” I wouldn’t ordinarily be comfortable looking at the person standing behind me in line if she were only wearing her undergarments. And there’s a fair chance she would perhaps be arrested under such circumstances. But thankfully, instead of actual near-nudity, we have only a photograph of it, which is TOTALLY different, and by “TOTALLY different” I mean “virtually the same.”

So there’s my fear. Probably on some level you can relate. Counter-cultural purity is a challenge for every parent, and if we’re honest, one that God’s people as a whole have not been experiencing overwhelming victory in. I remind myself sometimes, when I drive by the sign for the restaurant we will never visit for family dinner, “The power of Jesus is greater than the power of that billboard!” So why then are so many of us and our children falling under the power of the billboard (what it represents) and unable to stand firm in the power of Jesus to “live a life worthy of the calling we have received”?

Pretty big question for such a little newsletter. But here are my ponderings before the Lord on this. We hear so loudly the Christian call to our kids to stay away from sexual immorality. Biblical command. Necessary exhortation. But I think back to my coming of age years… many were the clear calls to abstain from ungodly behavior. FAR fewer were the calls to what I SHOULD be pursuing for the sake of Christ and His kingdom. I wonder if we are often doing little more than substituting PG alternatives for the R rated world surrounding our kids. Instead of graphic movies we encourage our kids to watch clean, appropriate ones. Instead of TV shows that promote teenage sexual activity we only let them watch shows that are more wholesome.” Instead of parties where drinking and other irresponsible behavior will be going on, we have them throw their own party where more innocent fun can be enjoyed by all their friends. Not that there is anything wrong with watching a good movie or having fun with your friends… but is this what the kingdom of heaven is about? Is this only what Christ is calling them to? To watch cleaner TV and show more restraint in their physical dating relationships than their secular counterpart? When it comes down to it, are we letting our kids buy into the premise that life is about what we want and enjoy as long as we don’t go against any “Biblical standards”? I am convinced that the power of that mindset is grossly inadequate to overcome the power of the “billboard.” The Biblical standard is that life is about dying to ourselves to live for the glory of God. And when we see that truly- actively- lived out, its power is limitless.

 In thinking on this topic of staying pure in a corrupt generation, I thought of James 1:27, where James says one part of pure and undefiled religion is keeping yourself uncorrupted by the world. Do you know the other part he mentions in that verse? Caring for widows and orphans. Actions rooted in the exact opposite of our own needs and wants. I don’t think these particular two components of religion are unrelated to each other either- one fuels the other. The more we walk in the steps of Christ who gave himself to those who had nothing, the more beautiful we realize Him to be. And the more we treasure His beauty, the less alluring the darkness of the world is. And the more we distance ourself from the darkness of the world, the more we desire to live like Christ and give ourselves away to those in need… but maybe you are thinking that caring for widows and orphans doesn’t sound like a very “kid” thing to do. I felt a little of this too at first. It sounds more like an adult responsibility. But let’s be honest- does it seem like the majority of adults who know Christ prioritize caring for widows and orphans- the least, the last and the helpless? Some may argue that this part of pure religion falls mainly to those with the “gift of serving.” Except God’s anger with His people collectively in Isaiah 58 centered on their neglect to care for the poor, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, free the imprisoned, to spend THEMSELVES on behalf of the needy, etc… Maybe He knows something about where the power is found to overcome the corrupting draw of this world. And maybe it doesn’t have too terribly much to do with the way a lot of us order “our” world and what that communicates to our kids. Yikes. That sounded a bit harsh. But what if those of us in the church started our week by saying, “The gospel must be preached to the poor. The hungry must be fed. Jesus’ grace and hope must be held out for the oppressed, the homeless and the needy. How can I pour myself out for that this week?” These are the things in Isaiah 58 the Lord says lead to our light breaking forth like the dawn, our godliness leading us forward, the renewal of our strength and God’s continual guidance. We are very busy. We have jobs, goals and financial responsibilities. But what might happen for our families if we redefined our lives based on what is important to God? These are big things to say, I know. It makes me think of G.K. Chesterton’s famous words, “Christianity has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried.” God is calling our kids to something so much greater than mere moral restraint or PG ways of enjoying themselves. What are we showing them of that kind of life?

(If Not, Let’s At Least Help These Crazy Kids Along.)

When I was growing up, the idea of arranged marriages seemed like a horrible, cruel tragedy, tantamount to burning someone alive at the stake. Now, as a parent, I think, “I could totally be on board with this.” Of course, I wouldn’t really let myself be that creepy controlling (probably), but you know what I mean when I say this. You have the wisdom of the ages and the experience of a lifetime- they have hormones and Hollywood. You have perspective that sees beyond the fleeting years of youth- they often don’t see beyond the next five minutes. Consider this story, as relayed to me by Grant MacQuilkan, loving father of a wonderful teenage son…

“Hey, Dad, my black pants don’t fit me.” Context: It is 6:50pm and he has to leave at 6:55pm to pick up his girlfriend for Winter Formal. (No doubt girlfriend has shopped forever for the right dress and been getting ready for 3+ hours.) We now establish that the only pants that do fit him are his nasty khaki pants that barely belong next to a pair of jeans, let alone a formal dress. His black blazer, now essential to cover up the khaki tights, looks like a straight jacket and cannot cover the brown belt (black one is too small). “Do you have money to take her out to eat?” I ask. “AhDunno.” “Well, where are you taking her to eat?” Again, the “don’t worry, Old Man, chill: everything is cool!” response…

I just love this story. It cracks me up. If they can’t dress themselves, then what about when it comes to handling the complexities of relationships? Well, I admit I don’t think the highest ideal is arranged marriages, but it seems we are sometimes erring to the other extreme these days. I think of this as the “praying for a miracle” approach, whereby we thank Jesus that He somehow saved us when we too realized our metaphorical black pants didn’t fit with only five minutes to spare, and then we pray like crazy that somehow He does the same for our kids. Clearly I’m not saying that we shouldn’t pray for our kids- it’s one of our greatest gifts to them. I think the loss is when it’s the only gift we give them.

It’s interesting to me that the primary venues for the Proverbs 31 text are women’s retreats and women’s Bible studies. Countless women have poured over these verses, seeking to align their hearts with the Biblical standard of a virtuous woman. Not that I am saying as women we shouldn’t, it only makes sense that we would; however, my point is Proverbs 31:1, “The sayings of King Lemuel contain this message, which his mother taught him…” This text was foremost a mother’s instruction to her son, wisdom from a parent who realized that her young son would need some very clear instruction and guidance if he was going to be able to discern between what was truly worthy character and what might otherwise naturally draw his interest.

I know the parent-child dynamics get more complex as years pass and kids become teenagers and sense the nearness of adulthood. I was very much that teenager… the one who was completely confident in my ability to know pretty much everything about everything… the one convinced my parents didn’t know as much as they thought they knew about my circumstances. How many parents have felt this from their kids? I guess my plea is: don’t buy it! Kids need guidance from their parents, whether they’re six or sixteen. I don’t think King Lemuel’s mother was pleading with him to consider the extensive depths of virtuous character in choosing a wife when her son was four. Certainly, instruction begins in the earliest years, when seeds of Christlike character are sown and virtue is modeled and prized. But as they get older, they need, in many ways, more – not less – from us.

I am surprised sometimes to hear parents talk, for example, about how thrilled they are that their son found a Christian girl to date… as if this were the pinnacle of all they could hope for. It is only the beginning of what to hope for. Are we, with every year, taking our kids deeper into the richness of life with Christ? Are we continually unfolding a Biblical vision for His purposes in their lives that reveals to them the magnificent scope of His mission and calls them to a far greater passion than what the culture is offering them? We not only have the right to do this as their parents… we have the responsibility.

Spend some time with the Lord, asking Him to show you how you can pursue connecting with your children in a way that draws them to the life Christ desires. Ask Him to show you specific ways that you can guide them to make wise choices in their daily lives. Consider a Bible study through the Proverbs with your kids. Don’t be fooled into thinking you are anything less than one of God’s greatest instruments in their lives- not “even” if they are a teenager. Especially if they are a teenager.

TIME OUT – 8.09

Do you know what I heard a lot when I was growing up? “You’re ok.” You know what I’m talking about: you fall down, scrape your knee and start crying- “You’re ok.” You fall off your bike in front of your friends and start sulking off- “It’s not a big deal, you’re ok.” Now, I completely understand the thinking behind this approach. When I fell off my bike and scraped my knee, it truly wasn’t the end of the world, and in the scheme of things I really was going to be fine. But do you know even to this day what my first response usually is when my husband asks me what’s wrong? Take a guess. I may have been on the verge of tears all morning and clearly bothered, but my default response is, “I’m ok.” Now, before I go any further, I would like to say that my parents are wonderful people. I love them dearly, and as an adult, I take full responsibility for needing to learn to say profound things like, “I’m sad” when I am sad But my point is, I think often times as parents we miss a valuable step in teaching our children the art of communication.

It seems to me we often skip the part where we help our kids learn the language to express how they feel about what they have experienced. It starts in the very beginning with even little things. For example, when my toddler falls out of his chair at the breakfast table, I can either try to bring a quicker end to the howling by giving him the “you’re ok” pep talk, followed perhaps by the “you’re so tough” affirmation. Or I can take thirty seconds to first ask him, “Did that hurt?” “Were you a little scared to fall out of that chair?” “Where did it hurt when you fell?” “Yeah, I can see why you’re a little upset. You know what though, I think you’re going to be ok…” It may sound like a very small, insignificant difference, but here’s why I don’t think it is. As adults, we have these wonderfully large perspectives, by which we know that the majority of the daily upsets and dings our kids experience are not really big deals. But children, with their wonderfully small perspectives, are not aware of this. And I think it’s a gift to little ones, to give them a moment to feel like little ones before we ask them to function within our adult perspective. It’s a bigger issue than the momentary sting of hitting the breakfast room floor. It’s creating a relationship where your child knows you care about how they feel, that it is ok for them to feel the way they do, and that you are there to help them handle their experience.

I recently found myself battling this with Noah, our five year old. He had been working with his legos (aka, the most valuable treasure in all the earth) at the table for some time and erupted in frustration as he failed to get the pieces together just the way he wanted. What I was tempted to say was, “They’re just legos.” Translation that even a five year old understands: “Legos don’t matter. You’re making a big deal about nothing. You shouldn’t be upset.” But legos do matter to him. And he’s not a weirdo for feeling that way- he’s just a five year old boy. Why would I make him feel like he was wrong for feeling like a five year old boy? It’s a much richer conversation asking him why it upset him and listening to him talk about how he’s not ever going to be good at building things. And in asking him more about that, I can help him understand that he thinks it makes him special to do things perfectly. And from that we can talk about how nobody can be perfect, only God is perfect. We can talk about things like the role of perseverance, and how we develop skill through practice. We can talk about how it’s ok that we aren’t the best at everything- we just need to be who God made us to be. And that best of all, we aren’t special and precious to God because how good we are but because He made us and loves us.

We best open up their hearts and minds to true perspective when we also help them understand and communicate their own perspective. Every kid, from toddler to teenager, wants to know that their parent understands what’s going on and cares about what’s going on. It’s an interesting dynamic for carrying out the Biblical call to bear one another’s burdens. Are we helping bear our children’s burdens or just convincing them that they aren’t burdens to begin with?

NEXT STEPS
Communication BreakDown
As you think about the ages, personalities and needs of your children, how are you doing in shepherding them through the process of understanding and communicating about what’s going on in their world? For helpful insight into the different stages our kids are going through and how you can equip yourself to parent well through them, plan to attend Training Camp for Parents on August 8. You can sign up and get information at watermark.org or pick up a flier on Sundays.
TIME OUT – 7.09

Although I don’t agree with everything communicated in this message I do wholeheartedly endorse Vodie Baucham’s main message. We as parents have abdicated our role in training our kids for godliness to the church and to our culture and unless there is a monumental effort to recapture our role we will lose the next generation to the culture of the day. Praying that we at Watermark lead the charge in training our kids at home.  You can listen to the message by clicking on the Audio MP3 link below.

Link here

Originally from http://www.fccm.net/

As I was reading “Revolutionary Parenting” (Recommended reading) last week I was convicted and moved to have a written set of standards for the Kaigler household. It seems a little late, as my kids are 13 and 11, but we are going for it anyway! (Better late than never). We certainly have boundaries for our kids and enforce them as consistently as we can. However, they are not in writing and they are not often communicated unless something goes haywire or a pending situation has disaster written all over it.

I have borrowed extensively from Barna’s book in formulating these and thought they might be helpful as a starting point as you seek to guide your kids toward full devotion to Christ, so here it goes:

1) Always tell the truth
Regardless of the circumstances or consequences; strive to be known as honest, reliable, and trustworthy.

 
2) Never cheat or steal
This brings dishonor on you and disrespects the victim. This includes the sometimes gray areas around testing, and the little “they won’t even miss it” items.

 
3) Always show respect to other people
No matter how you feel about them your attitude and language reflect the love God has for others. The hardest place to practice this is in the home so parents and kids should consistently show respect to one another.

 
4) Help Others
We are followers of the greatest servant who ever lived, Jesus Christ , and should model His example.

5) Control your tongue
Death and life are in the power of the tongue. (Prov. 18:21) See also James 3

 
6) See Conflict as an Opportunity for Growth
Handle it quickly, examine your own heart, and do not judge the motives of others. Only judge their behavior in so much as it affects you personally, your family, and/or the body of Christ.

 
7) Take good care of your body
Your body is God’s temple so eating healthy, exercise, and maintaining good hygiene is important.

 
8) Pursue Intimacy with Jesus and Impact for His Kingdom.
Jesus is in charge of it all and has the final word on everything. The Bible is God’s love letter/instruction manual for life.

9) Work hard in school and pursue excellence as much as it is possible.

 
10) Pull your weight as part of the family
Carry out your household chores with a good attitude and occasionally do more than is asked of you.

 
11) Make sure at least one parent knows your whereabouts at all times.
Even when plans change make sure you get parent approval and they know your whereabouts.

 
12) Accept the penalties of inappropriate behavior
Discipline is not and/or should not be a sign of anger or dislike by those in authority over you but a sign of care and love designed to facilitate growth.

-Kyle