Having just enjoyed a wonderful Christmas season and all of the gift-giving extravaganza that goes along with it, I was reminded of this story from my good friend, Jeanie Cox. It involves this wonderful woman, her two year old daughter and the fabulous birthday gift of a three piece baby doll play-set, complete with miniature pac-n-play, stroller and swing set. It was a timely reminder for me that the opportunities to teach truth through our words and actions are everywhere, even in gifts for toddlers…

“My daughter’s big day arrives and we have our little birthday breakfast followed by all of her older siblings ‘helping’ her open her gift. Soon we realized why the set was such a steal: ‘Some Assembly Required’ for this little package meant lots of nuts and bolts and ‘a’s’ and ‘b’s’ and ‘c’s’. My seven and eight year old were quickly in the weeds. In walks ‘Oh so smart’ Mommy, realizing this is an awesome opportunity to teach how we can’t just tear into the package and expect to know instinctively how this stuff works without following the carefully laid out instructions given to us by the people who invented these handy little toys. The added bonus was that the instructions ‘showed’ us how to put it together without using any words. Just pictures. We were able to undo the assembly they had done so far and go back to the instructions to help us figure out just how each piece fit together. As we finished up the pac-n-play and moved on to the stroller, we stopped to talk about how we are just like these toys. We come with instructions from God’s Word as to how we fit together and are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’, how we work best by ‘trusting in the LORD’ and that we can only find peace and fulfillment by ‘walking in His ways and on His path.’ It was beautiful. They had tasted the frustration of trying to figure out how life works on our own. We quickly saw how far off track we get when we go at it on our own, ignoring the One who made us and has a plan to ‘prosper us and not to harm us, to give us hope and a future as we seek Him with all our hearts.’ We talked about how we get lost, becoming ‘wise in our own eyes’ and thinking we know how to make things work in life- in just the same way we had torn into the box not even realizing we had instructions to follow. I was amazed at how something so common held one of the best object lessons we had found in a long time. I was very happy and full of myself for realizing such a ‘teachable’ moment and seizing the opportunity to bring the spiritual into the everyday.

Enter impatience, a phone call for a play date and my pride, just as we were rounding the corner on the swing set. Having assembled two of the three big pieces, the girls lose steam and I am just ready to get it done so Lucy can play (and I can get all the trash up). As they hand the last piece off to me, I neglect to look at the instruction book thinking, ‘I see where they are going and know how this one works…don’t really need the pamphlet for this one!’ Totally fail to follow my own ‘Aha’ lesson I’ve just delivered, and I put an ‘a’ with a ‘b’- not once but twice. As I finish up the phone call and try to stand the swing set up, I realize what I have done. In God’s mercy these are the only two joints in the whole package that you cannot undo with a little push from a screw driver. These are together for life. Now the little swing set stands in our living room, duck-taped together because Mom did not follow the instructions. Talk about eating crow for that one! Sometimes we make mistakes and the Lord allows us to have ‘do overs.’ Sometimes in His mercy He does not. That little swing functions just fine- not as pretty, but it works. Reminds me every day that no matter how many times we’ve seen something come together, we still need to go to His Word. Every situation brings a new twist on life and something more He is trying to teach us. We can’t go on past experience. His mercy is new every morning. No two children are just alike. The pac-n-play, the stroller and the swing all work together and belong to the same family, but they are all distinct and have different parts. We have to acknowledge our ignorance before God with each child and ask His wisdom through His Word for each one of their souls. I cannot allow the little interruptions of the day, the impatience of doing it for the third or fourth time or the pride of saying ‘I know how this works!’ to tempt me to take my eyes off His Word and His Will for these little ones. He alone knows best, and only as I surrender to Him and submit to the way He says they work best will I be able to serve them faithfully and well each day.”

That’s just good stuff, people. So as we start 2010, may you embrace the hope of Christmas all year long with your eyes fixed on Christ, your minds clinging the wisdom in His Word, and a heart full of healthy respect for the words “Some Assembly Required.” — by Sarah Stehlik

NEXT STEPS

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Do you know what scares the Krispy Kremes right out of me? It’s thinking about raising boys in today’s culture. The fear- I mean the real fear- first gripped me when I was pregnant with our first son. I drove weekly by a billboard for a boot warehouse that enraged me. Boots, you ask? Yes. Clearly, what more logical way to sell work boots than by putting them on a scantily dressed woman who wouldn’t be caught dead wearing them in real life… unless nearly naked and having her picture taken- then, by all means. Then there were the hamburger joint commercials with spokesperson Hugh Heffner, declaring his love of the menu diversity- “because nobody wants the same thing every night.” Then there are the magazines my kids pass in the check out line at the grocery store. In any other context the picture would be porn, but somehow the exercise-related title of the magazine is supposed to make me say, “Oh, I thought it was porn, but it turns out to just be about my health and well-being.” I wouldn’t ordinarily be comfortable looking at the person standing behind me in line if she were only wearing her undergarments. And there’s a fair chance she would perhaps be arrested under such circumstances. But thankfully, instead of actual near-nudity, we have only a photograph of it, which is TOTALLY different, and by “TOTALLY different” I mean “virtually the same.”

So there’s my fear. Probably on some level you can relate. Counter-cultural purity is a challenge for every parent, and if we’re honest, one that God’s people as a whole have not been experiencing overwhelming victory in. I remind myself sometimes, when I drive by the sign for the restaurant we will never visit for family dinner, “The power of Jesus is greater than the power of that billboard!” So why then are so many of us and our children falling under the power of the billboard (what it represents) and unable to stand firm in the power of Jesus to “live a life worthy of the calling we have received”?

Pretty big question for such a little newsletter. But here are my ponderings before the Lord on this. We hear so loudly the Christian call to our kids to stay away from sexual immorality. Biblical command. Necessary exhortation. But I think back to my coming of age years… many were the clear calls to abstain from ungodly behavior. FAR fewer were the calls to what I SHOULD be pursuing for the sake of Christ and His kingdom. I wonder if we are often doing little more than substituting PG alternatives for the R rated world surrounding our kids. Instead of graphic movies we encourage our kids to watch clean, appropriate ones. Instead of TV shows that promote teenage sexual activity we only let them watch shows that are more wholesome.” Instead of parties where drinking and other irresponsible behavior will be going on, we have them throw their own party where more innocent fun can be enjoyed by all their friends. Not that there is anything wrong with watching a good movie or having fun with your friends… but is this what the kingdom of heaven is about? Is this only what Christ is calling them to? To watch cleaner TV and show more restraint in their physical dating relationships than their secular counterpart? When it comes down to it, are we letting our kids buy into the premise that life is about what we want and enjoy as long as we don’t go against any “Biblical standards”? I am convinced that the power of that mindset is grossly inadequate to overcome the power of the “billboard.” The Biblical standard is that life is about dying to ourselves to live for the glory of God. And when we see that truly- actively- lived out, its power is limitless.

 In thinking on this topic of staying pure in a corrupt generation, I thought of James 1:27, where James says one part of pure and undefiled religion is keeping yourself uncorrupted by the world. Do you know the other part he mentions in that verse? Caring for widows and orphans. Actions rooted in the exact opposite of our own needs and wants. I don’t think these particular two components of religion are unrelated to each other either- one fuels the other. The more we walk in the steps of Christ who gave himself to those who had nothing, the more beautiful we realize Him to be. And the more we treasure His beauty, the less alluring the darkness of the world is. And the more we distance ourself from the darkness of the world, the more we desire to live like Christ and give ourselves away to those in need… but maybe you are thinking that caring for widows and orphans doesn’t sound like a very “kid” thing to do. I felt a little of this too at first. It sounds more like an adult responsibility. But let’s be honest- does it seem like the majority of adults who know Christ prioritize caring for widows and orphans- the least, the last and the helpless? Some may argue that this part of pure religion falls mainly to those with the “gift of serving.” Except God’s anger with His people collectively in Isaiah 58 centered on their neglect to care for the poor, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, free the imprisoned, to spend THEMSELVES on behalf of the needy, etc… Maybe He knows something about where the power is found to overcome the corrupting draw of this world. And maybe it doesn’t have too terribly much to do with the way a lot of us order “our” world and what that communicates to our kids. Yikes. That sounded a bit harsh. But what if those of us in the church started our week by saying, “The gospel must be preached to the poor. The hungry must be fed. Jesus’ grace and hope must be held out for the oppressed, the homeless and the needy. How can I pour myself out for that this week?” These are the things in Isaiah 58 the Lord says lead to our light breaking forth like the dawn, our godliness leading us forward, the renewal of our strength and God’s continual guidance. We are very busy. We have jobs, goals and financial responsibilities. But what might happen for our families if we redefined our lives based on what is important to God? These are big things to say, I know. It makes me think of G.K. Chesterton’s famous words, “Christianity has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried.” God is calling our kids to something so much greater than mere moral restraint or PG ways of enjoying themselves. What are we showing them of that kind of life?

(If Not, Let’s At Least Help These Crazy Kids Along.)

When I was growing up, the idea of arranged marriages seemed like a horrible, cruel tragedy, tantamount to burning someone alive at the stake. Now, as a parent, I think, “I could totally be on board with this.” Of course, I wouldn’t really let myself be that creepy controlling (probably), but you know what I mean when I say this. You have the wisdom of the ages and the experience of a lifetime- they have hormones and Hollywood. You have perspective that sees beyond the fleeting years of youth- they often don’t see beyond the next five minutes. Consider this story, as relayed to me by Grant MacQuilkan, loving father of a wonderful teenage son…

“Hey, Dad, my black pants don’t fit me.” Context: It is 6:50pm and he has to leave at 6:55pm to pick up his girlfriend for Winter Formal. (No doubt girlfriend has shopped forever for the right dress and been getting ready for 3+ hours.) We now establish that the only pants that do fit him are his nasty khaki pants that barely belong next to a pair of jeans, let alone a formal dress. His black blazer, now essential to cover up the khaki tights, looks like a straight jacket and cannot cover the brown belt (black one is too small). “Do you have money to take her out to eat?” I ask. “AhDunno.” “Well, where are you taking her to eat?” Again, the “don’t worry, Old Man, chill: everything is cool!” response…

I just love this story. It cracks me up. If they can’t dress themselves, then what about when it comes to handling the complexities of relationships? Well, I admit I don’t think the highest ideal is arranged marriages, but it seems we are sometimes erring to the other extreme these days. I think of this as the “praying for a miracle” approach, whereby we thank Jesus that He somehow saved us when we too realized our metaphorical black pants didn’t fit with only five minutes to spare, and then we pray like crazy that somehow He does the same for our kids. Clearly I’m not saying that we shouldn’t pray for our kids- it’s one of our greatest gifts to them. I think the loss is when it’s the only gift we give them.

It’s interesting to me that the primary venues for the Proverbs 31 text are women’s retreats and women’s Bible studies. Countless women have poured over these verses, seeking to align their hearts with the Biblical standard of a virtuous woman. Not that I am saying as women we shouldn’t, it only makes sense that we would; however, my point is Proverbs 31:1, “The sayings of King Lemuel contain this message, which his mother taught him…” This text was foremost a mother’s instruction to her son, wisdom from a parent who realized that her young son would need some very clear instruction and guidance if he was going to be able to discern between what was truly worthy character and what might otherwise naturally draw his interest.

I know the parent-child dynamics get more complex as years pass and kids become teenagers and sense the nearness of adulthood. I was very much that teenager… the one who was completely confident in my ability to know pretty much everything about everything… the one convinced my parents didn’t know as much as they thought they knew about my circumstances. How many parents have felt this from their kids? I guess my plea is: don’t buy it! Kids need guidance from their parents, whether they’re six or sixteen. I don’t think King Lemuel’s mother was pleading with him to consider the extensive depths of virtuous character in choosing a wife when her son was four. Certainly, instruction begins in the earliest years, when seeds of Christlike character are sown and virtue is modeled and prized. But as they get older, they need, in many ways, more – not less – from us.

I am surprised sometimes to hear parents talk, for example, about how thrilled they are that their son found a Christian girl to date… as if this were the pinnacle of all they could hope for. It is only the beginning of what to hope for. Are we, with every year, taking our kids deeper into the richness of life with Christ? Are we continually unfolding a Biblical vision for His purposes in their lives that reveals to them the magnificent scope of His mission and calls them to a far greater passion than what the culture is offering them? We not only have the right to do this as their parents… we have the responsibility.

Spend some time with the Lord, asking Him to show you how you can pursue connecting with your children in a way that draws them to the life Christ desires. Ask Him to show you specific ways that you can guide them to make wise choices in their daily lives. Consider a Bible study through the Proverbs with your kids. Don’t be fooled into thinking you are anything less than one of God’s greatest instruments in their lives- not “even” if they are a teenager. Especially if they are a teenager.

TIME OUT – 8.09