“Time is a gift”, said Antoinette Davis in her talk on Heart of Service. Simple and so true.

For me, that seemed like a great place to begin giving.

Unsure of where to serve specifically, I knew of only 1 place to look.
Upward.

When I’m busy w/ my own agenda, I’m not as available to God or to others. So, I took my to-do list, the one written and the one like a constant rolodex in my head, and put it in my pocket.

Now, some of these items on my list were important, like grocery shopping, doing laundry, and cleaning the house.

But, for a couple of days, I committed to praying before I did each and every stupid little thing on my list. And while there’s a phrase about the devil being in the details, I think God was there instead.

The first morning, I was on my way to bible study. I was early, really early. I drove down the freeway thinking about what I could accomplish beforehand. Ah, BABIES-R-US was the next exit and I needed diapers, wipes, and puffs. Perfect! They’re even open early.

Just before I changed lanes to exit, I remembered my commitment and I prayed for God to lead me wherever He had me in that moment.
I felt immediately like I wasn’t supposed to go. I didn’t think He was going to care about me going to BRU, but that day, He did. I thought, really? Okay, I guess I’ll have to find another time to go.

Kept driving and pulled into the church parking lot. It was 9:40 am and bible study started at 10:30. I was feeling a little silly about being there so early.

As I was about to pull into a spot, another car stopped right in front of me. Plenty of spots, we politely waited for each other to pull in first.
It was an unusually long pause. I looked up and realized it was a very close friend of mine. She was here early too.

My 7 month old had fallen asleep in the car, so I decided to park and work on my study while I let him sleep. My friend walked by and waved. I waved back and then signed that the baby was sleeping, so I didn’t roll the window down.
She walked on and then, DUH!!! It hit me.

Time with her was what God had put on my to-do list this morning. He nearly had to knock me over the head (or bump my car and wave through the window) to get me to comply, but I did. She and I rarely get time together anymore and we needed some, so this morning was both purposeful and nice to be with my dear friend.

The rest of the day went along the same way, without me being quite as slow to catch on. There were a few other interventions to my list and few things that did get marked off.

At the end of the day, did I feel disappointed that I didn’t mark more off my list? Not once.
I spent the day walking with God, allowing the Lord whom I say is my King, to actually be my King and lead me.

If only I could keep this perspective every day. Why is it so hard?

I can admit that there were other days I did this well, but the past few I’ve gone back to running my good ol’ to-do list.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with a to-do list. Some things on mine even involve serving others. But, when my list rules my day, I’m not allowing God to guide me. Even when my heart behind the to-do is good, it may not be where God wants me that day, and better yet, it may be where He wants to use someone else.

So, tomorrow I’m starting a new commitment to pray before each item.
How about doing it with me?

I’ve got one hand (putting my to-do list) in my pocket, and the other one is giving a peace sign. : ) – Sundee McDonald

For more on capturing and cultivating a heart for service in you and your children, click here to listen to Antoinette Davis’ talk.

It has been about a year since Kyle Kaigler first came to me and said, “Hey, I need you to write some funny but true stuff about parenting.” For those of you who have not taken Watermark History 101, I worked on staff for Kaigler in my previous life before having children. And anyone who knows Kaigler knows that once you work for Kaigler, you sort of always work for Kaigler. He is, in this way, a ministry mafia of sorts… but in a more “friends are friends forever” kind of way versus “The Sopranos” kind of way. All of this to say, I have been reflecting on the last year and some of the topics we have covered in this newsletter: help your child learn to communicate. Model thankfulness. Teach them what a life of mission is. Be diligent and consistent in training them in godliness… many things we should be doing as parents.

Well, I am shaking things up this month and suggesting that we spend a little bit of time considering what we should NOT be doing as parents. Fortunately, my behavior this past month in particular has been super helpful in giving me material for this topic. To get the ball rolling, let me share a few parenting tactics that have not worked for our family:

1. Set unrealistic expectations for your children and then be frustrated with them when they do not meet those expectations. For example, try taking two preschool boys from store to store for HOURS, where they are not allowed to touch things, play with things, run off, be silly, chase each other… in short, they are allowed to stand there. Quietly. All morning. Call me from store number three, and let me know how that works out. What am I saying is, you can’t afford to take your eye off the ball for a minute at that stage of the game. Two average preschoolers could bring down an entire store in the length of a phone call. On second thought, just smile and remember every word you say will very likely join your little ones’ vocabulary. See also my five year old’s response to a spilled box of crayons recently: “Oh Lord, why!!!!”

2. Try to get your child out of his whiny, negative mood by snapping and barking at him. The hypocrisy is particularly stunning when you combine a scowl of frustration with something like, “You need to have a sweet attitude.” I don’t know in this scenario if I am the pot, the kettle, or the potato peeler, but I know it’s not good.

3. Ask ridiculous rhetorical questions to which you already know the answer and which serve no purpose other than feeding your own flesh. For instance, “Can you boys not play together for ten minutes without being selfish and fighting over the toys?!” Clearly for those ten minutes the answer was “no”- were you not paying attention? The next time you are tempted to ask this question you might divert yourself with the following, “Can I not respond to my preschoolers like an adult without resorting to sarcasm like a self-centered adolescent?” It’s not pretty, is it.

Unfortunately I could keep going, but I hate to steal all the good ones. When was the last time you took a long look at your “strategic growth opportunities” as a parent? Or to put it plainly: where you are simply missing it with your kids? What would it give our children if we were passionate about not losing our temper with them. About not belittling their problems. About not failing to engage with them because we are tired or lazy… whatever it may be for you. I’m not saying what if we tried to do better at these things; I’m saying what if we were relentless about them. Call it parental spring cleaning, but I’m ready to take out some garbage. The first step is admitting you have a problem, and I know what mine is (as does everyone who walked by us in the paint department at Lowe’s last week). But if you only take one step, it makes for a pretty lame trip. — written by Sarah Stehlik

NEXT STEPS
Take some time to identify the specific behavior that needs to be eliminated from your parenting. Ask the Lord to guide you in this and show you how to “put off your old self… to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God…” (Eph 4.22-24) Come up with clear goals that your spouse or friends can hold you accountable to. Find a good book to encourage you along the way. You can visit our blog HERE for a list of books recommended by the Family Ministries team.

If you have preschool children, have you signed up to receive the Starting Blocks PlayBook? It’s an easy way to build on what they are learning at church on Sundays with projects and activities you can do together with other moms or just with your kids at home. Sign up online by checking the PlayBook box HERE

TIME OUT – 04.10

There’s another D word, more critical and encompassing than discipline, yet it is very, very close in written form.
Guesses? (Can you tell I like games?)

Duh-duh-DISCIPLE.

We are called to go and make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19).
But Jinger wasn’t talking that day about all nations, the masses, or even just friends and neighbors. Nope. You don’t even have to go next door to find these itty bitty disciples-in-waiting.

We’ve been specifically assigned these precious children in our very homes as our disciples. It’s a little scary, isn’t it?

When I think of disciples, Peter comes to mind. Can you just picture him all excited and ready to jump right out of that boat to walk on the water with Jesus? Maybe he wanted to be first, maybe he was a bit too anxious, and yes, he got scared and began to sink. BUT, for a brief moment, one beautiful, trusting, faithful moment, he was walking…walking with Jesus in faith.

That’s what I want for my two boys, for them to learn to walk in faith more and more each day, moment by moment. That’s what I want for myself, too.

I know better than to expect that will just happen on its own.
I mean, does a seed sprout and flourish into a beautiful, sweet-smelling flower by simply burying it in the dirt?

My sad little flower bed would say no.
The same is true with our kids.

We have to plant, provide sunshine, water, fortify, protect, and even prune.

It takes effort. Not just once and that’s it. But, this gardening/discipleship is a process that takes time, effort, diligence and patience to yield its crop. Oh how God loves a gardening analogy, and encourages us in Galatians 6:9:

“Let us not grow weary in doing good,
for in due season we will reap a harvest
if we do not give up.“

To hear Jinger’s talk on The Importance of Mom online, click here.

Next Building Blocks Event:
SIBLINGS
April 15, 10am – noon – REGISTER NOW!
How to encourage your children to live, laugh, and love each other. Lots of different factors make the dynamic of each family unique. Come be encouraged by Alex Wagner, mother of six, and Millye Hale, mother of three, as they discuss the causes, consequences and possible solutions to dealing with sibling rivalry. Childcare is provided for this event if you register by April 8.

Any guesses what parenting topic prompts the greatest turnout?
Want a hint? The first letter of the word makes a duh sound. Duh-duh-duh-discipline. (Sounding out letters and words is big around my house these days.)

Discipline. Time-outs, spankings, corrections, obeying, teaching, training, rule following. Whew. When I think of discipline, negative thoughts come to mind.

I’m not really off base, I mean, even God’s word tells us that it is:

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

And it isn’t just painful. It is exhausting.
At the beginning of her talk on “The Importance of Mom”, Jinger Lord played a very hilarious reminder of how exhausting parenting is: The Mom Song.

I don’t want to go to bed worn out and thinking that the next day will just start it all over again. But some days I do feel just like that.

I want to have FUN. Instead of getting frustrated, I want to laugh about that question that was repeated for the zillionth time, even though I answered it after the first. I want whining to roll off my back, manipulating to be ‘nice try’s, and the day to be filled with 10 times more joy than angst. I want be light-hearted, to laugh and to smile and to, well…

DISCO.
(ahh, another great D word)

Disco? Is she serious?
Yes, yes I am. I mean, wouldn’t you like to trade in at least a few of your crinkled-noses and finger waves for a smile and pointed finger like this each day? : )

When I looked again at this picture, I noticed two things.
1. My finger is pointing upward.
Rather than pointing at the source of my frustration in these trying moments, I want to point toward the source of my inspiration, my hope, my peace-giver – the One with all the answers. After all, if I’ve turned my life over to Him, don’t I think he can handle whining, constant demands, food battles, nighttime struggles, and sleep deprivation?

“Absodutely!”, my 4 year old would say.

2. My attitude is one of joy.
David wrote, “My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul.” Psalm 57:7

I’m not claiming that David was doing disco, but his heart was focused on God, through some very difficult and sometimes painful circumstances. But, God’s faithfulness and promises brought him joy. Joy to sing and make music, and I’d dare say even dance.

So, how about today, we try discipline with a twist (and shout). I’ll call it DISCOpline. (feel free to laugh at me now, if you weren’t already) Let’s make a joyful noise to the Lord. Or, as this disco momma would say, “Let’s get our groove on.”

Lord, help us stay steadfast in disciplining these precious children that You have so graciously entrusted to us. Thank you for David’s heart to remind us that this struggle doesn’t always have to be a grind, but can be with a sweet song and dance. I pray that today we find a little more joy in our day, and a little less angst, knowing your promises are not just for today, but forever. – Sundee McDonald

Next time, I’ll hit more on this steadfastness and what Jinger says is of utmost importance in our job as moms. I’ll give you a clue…it is another D word. ; )
To hear Jinger’s talk on The Importance of Mom online, click here.

For More Information:

Building Blocks is a ministry that connects parents of preschool-aged children with other parents in the same challenging life stage. This ministry provides parents with the training, encouragement and resources they need to raise passionate followers of Christ. We host informal weekly gatherings, at least one speaker each month, and periodic special events.

Next Opportunity:
3rd Annual Easter Egg Hunt
March 18, 10 am – noon – REGISTER NOW!

Hop on over and join Building Blocks for a morning of fun for parents and kids! Bring your basket and invite a friend to this “eggstra” special event. We will fellowship and stuff eggs while the kiddos are in childcare, and then let the hunt begin! Please be sure to reserve a spot so we can plan accordingly.

Once upon a time there was a girl with ferociously curly hair who had a tendency towards being strongly opinionated, which we will instead call “courageous independence.” And one day that girl met a boy (though at the time that “boy” was pushing 30, so “boy” might be a stretch. But for nostalgia’s sake we’ll go with it, ‘kay?) This crazy young couple fell in love, dated for 10 minutes and got married, so that they could live the blissfully ignorant life of ease whereby they did things like go out to eat, go to the movies and sleep in on the weekends whenever they wanted. If there was a fabulous last minute deal on a hot spot in Mexico- great! They went. When they felt like they really needed a weekend getaway they just up and did it, because let’s be honest- life without kids is really stressful and hard since you have no idea what you’re talking about. What I am trying to tell you about this incredibly good-looking couple is that they were crazy about each other and had a ridiculous amount of time to enjoy that fact.

Then there was move across the country and baby number one. Then there was move back across the country and baby number two. Then there was job change and baby number three. Now all of the sudden that “not-too-oldish” yet “not-so-youngish-anymore” couple is neck deep in kids, responsibilities and the realities of life that push and pull at them like a group of toddlers over a single piece of candy. I know you did not see this coming, but I am actually talking about Paul and me.

And we’ve had a really crazy time of things lately around the Stehlik house… everyone was sick for several weeks last month. Then we liked it so much we did it again this month. So there’s the slow descent into insanity that accompanies that whole scenario. Put that together with major changes in numerous areas of life, all colliding together simultaneously and you have the context for me sitting in our kitchen the other day as Paul walked by, and thinking to myself, “He looks vaguely familiar.” So as I was praying over what to write about this month I felt like the Lord said, “you’re the one who barely recognizes your husband… go from there.”

Well, I don’t feel that I need to argue the case that the state of our marriages plays a hugely formative role in shaping our kids. It would seem that every 12 seconds a study comes out validating that point. It is pretty logical that unhealthy marriages do not produce healthy kids. Most of us get that. So it seems the big question is, “How does the energy and effort that it takes to invest towards intimacy in your marriage translate into the craziness of day to day life with kids?” Because let’s be honest, the day to day demands are enough to suck all your energy right out the window well before lunchtime. So here are my big three ideas (and I’m going to get right on these as soon as I finish writing about it.)

1. Prioritize your spouse in your schedule. At the beginning of the week or the beginning of the day, when you are looking at all the things that you “have to do,” make sure you include as one of those “must dos” something done to build into your spouse. It may not cost you $15 in late fees like being late with the water bill, but not serving your spouse will cost you, your spouse and your kids in ways much more important than money.

2. Prioritize your spouse to your children. Do you take the time to regularly praise your spouse in front of your kids for specific things? Do you give your kids consistent opportunities through your words and your actions to see your love and commitment to your spouse? Or are you just two grown ups flying around, each doing a million things and hoping to catch a glimpse of each other over a cereal bowl in the morning?

3. Make the most of little opportunities. Full on date nights or weekends away are terrific, but some seasons of life don’t afford you the luxury of having those super frequently. You can still make the most of opportunities at home if you strategize a bit… plan a late candlelit dinner after the kids go to bed. Use time when your kids are playing at a friend’s house to sit on the couch together and catch up over coffee, instead of you cleaning the bathrooms and him changing the oil. Right now the wives are like, “Yes, Sarah, these are obvious and I can think of a dozen more off the top of my head.” And the husbands are like, “Could you list six more please.” The point is, let’s all get out there and show some effort.

I could go on and on about this, but I’ve got some ground to cover on loving my husband… starting with breaking the news from my new friend, the HVAC tech, that we need a whole new HVAC system. Ahhhh, I can almost smell the romance.

NEXT STEPS
Spend some time in Ephesians 5, asking the Lord to show you how you are doing at modeling the love of Christ to your family. Then plan a time when you and and your spouse can get away together and talk about how to intentionally grow deeper together.

If you have preschool children, have you signed up to receive the Starting Blocks PlayBook? It’s an easy way to build on what they are learning at church on Sundays with projects and activities you can do together with other moms or just with your kids at home. Sign up online by checking the PlayBook box HERE

You’re sitting on the edge of the couch watching the season finale of your favorite T.V. show. It’s getting more and more intense. As you’re watching, you find yourself leaning forward and creeping closer and closer to the edge of your seat. And at the exact moment when you think closure is coming, answers you’ve been waiting for, resolution to the season’s events…BOOM.

‘To be continued…’ flashes on the screen.

It’s just for a season. That’s what I tell myself often in this life with small kiddos.  I put my own to-do lists, desires, and sometimes needs aside in order to love, serve, teach, and train them. After all, it’s just for a season, right? And in Sarah Stehlik’s wise words (that I repeat to myself nearly daily), “To love is to die, and they are worth me dying today.” I might not do it well, but I truly believe that.

I went to Building Blocks for the topic on School Days. Three moms were planning to speak about their experiences and merits of home, private, and public schooling. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking I was going to get much out of it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I firmly believe in the value of all three. But, you see, we’re set. We live in a great neighborhood with an exemplary public elementary school. We’re close with the many families on our short block and thankful that our kids will be schooling and living life together. School, check.

While just the thought of Reece going off to Kindergarten aches my heart greatly, these ladies reminded me that the time is coming fast and furious.  At the same time, I also began to wonder what my new life will look like once he’s at school. Oooh, lots more time to myself again. Getting my body back into shape, one-on-one time with Zach, showers, make-up and big girl clothes, having lunch with friends every now and then, and even kicking photography back into a small business again.

Seems I was daydreaming, as the speakers continued. I felt the edges of my mouth curving ever so upward with this thought of getting a little more of ME back. And then…BOOM.

God hits with His message for me today:  

“To be continued.”

Dude, this season is so NOT going to be over when my kids begin school. Not in the least. It is a new season starting with a whole new cast of characters, set of challenges, wider spectrum of influences, and even greater responsibilities. 

Oh, I’ll be busy…busy in the business of training, teaching, disciplining, serving, and loving my children, whether home, private, or public schooled. 

Lord, thank you for this privilege of being a mother. May I never take it lightly. I pray You continue to prepare, mold, and change me for this road ahead. Much more than academic achievements, I pray my children come to know you, love you, live with and rest in You along the way. Not just for a time, but for all time. – by Sundee McDonald

For More Information:

Building Blocks is a ministry that connects parents of preschool-aged children with other parents in the same challenging life stage. This ministry provides parents with the training, encouragement and resources they need to raise passionate followers of Christ. We host informal weekly gatherings, at least one speaker each month, and periodic special events.

Listen Online:
To listen to School Days online at Watermark Radio, click here.

Next Opportunity:

HEART OF SERVICE
Friday, March 5, 10am – noon – REGISTER NOW!
It’s a long journey from a preschooler’s “me me me” to a servant’s heart, but charity really does begin at home!  How do you develop the godly trait of generosity of time, talents, and treasures?  This discussion will explore ideas for teaching and encouraging your preschoolers to begin cultivating a heart to care for and serve others. 

I tell you what, there are a lot of things in our world today that make parenting easier. In this category I put disposable diapers, dvd players on road trips and high efficiency, large capacity washing machines that clean 3 metric tons of laundry per load with just 6 drops of detergent. (Note to the moms with kick-booty washing machines: don’t be afraid to pause here and do a little dance of joy over that part. I know you want to. And it’s ok.) But, there are also things about our world that make being a parent more complicated and challenging. I am thinking specifically about the overwhelming communication overload that we face. In today’s culture we are inundated with non-stop messages in ways people have never experienced in human history. With the ever-growing empire of media and internet, there are countless voices speaking to us on every issue we face, and their messages are often conflicting and confusing.

The olden days were much different. And I believe that is the first time I have ever used the word “olden.” I imagine a few hundred years ago parenting consisted primarily of whoopin’s behind the barn and putting an axe in the hands of a child and making them chop wood. I’m not gonna say these were the golden ages of parenting, but they did have something going for them. I wonder what they would think if they could see the climate today- where, when you have an issue with your child, there are friends, tv and radio personalities, online articles, books and magazines telling you it’s everything from not enough structure to a gluten allergy to a social disorder to an energy blockage due to birth trauma. You might be thinking, “Sarah, nobody believes in energy blockages due to birth trauma” to which my response is, “You obviously have never spent any time in Los Angeles.”

Obviously I am not saying that all this information is bad. For the love of Pete, if your child has a gluten allergy, do not feed them gluten. What I am saying is that there are a ton of voices speaking into our world, and it is our responsibility to listen discerningly as we purposefully live by the singular voice that creates and sustains, that never changes or misleads, that speaks to us with unfailing love and absolute authority.

We can sometimes be deceived into thinking that there are all these decisions that are not spiritual decisions, choices that don’t involve Biblical principles so much as just common sense and personal preference. But what you let your kids watch on TV is a Biblical decision. How much money you spend decorating the nursery is a Biblical decision. Where you send your kids to school is a Biblical decision. What you discipline your kids for and how you do it is a Biblical decision. Not that there is a universal, exhaustive rule in Scripture that works the same way for all people when it comes to any of these things, but there is a Biblical voice on all these issues that must be explored or ignored. There may not be a verse in Scripture that says, “Parents, do not let not children under the age of 16 watch prime time television,” but Philippians 4:8 speaks. Psalm 101:2&3 speaks. Ephesians 5:11&12 speaks.

So here are a few questions to ask yourself as a test to see how you’re doing when it comes to living by the Master’s voice: How often is our home governed by God’s Word, as we hold it out to our children and teach them to view their world through its lens in specific ways? How many of our choices and rules in the home are based on our own ideas or the opinions of others, and how many could we explain to our children with a clear Biblical principle? How much time do we spend seeking out Biblical wisdom in relation to the time we spend seeking the advice and counsel from other resources? Our ability to parent wisely will not rise above our faithfulness to open His Word and apply its wisdom to our families. The only exception to this might be for those of you who are perhaps experiencing energy blockage due to birth trauma as an infant– no, not really. I am just kidding.– by Sarah Stehlik

NEXT STEPS

If you are not utilizing the Journey as a family, start now! Watermark Family Ministries has included discussion questions to help parents with younger children engage over the daily passages from the Gospels. You can sign up at jointhejourney.com.

Having just enjoyed a wonderful Christmas season and all of the gift-giving extravaganza that goes along with it, I was reminded of this story from my good friend, Jeanie Cox. It involves this wonderful woman, her two year old daughter and the fabulous birthday gift of a three piece baby doll play-set, complete with miniature pac-n-play, stroller and swing set. It was a timely reminder for me that the opportunities to teach truth through our words and actions are everywhere, even in gifts for toddlers…

“My daughter’s big day arrives and we have our little birthday breakfast followed by all of her older siblings ‘helping’ her open her gift. Soon we realized why the set was such a steal: ‘Some Assembly Required’ for this little package meant lots of nuts and bolts and ‘a’s’ and ‘b’s’ and ‘c’s’. My seven and eight year old were quickly in the weeds. In walks ‘Oh so smart’ Mommy, realizing this is an awesome opportunity to teach how we can’t just tear into the package and expect to know instinctively how this stuff works without following the carefully laid out instructions given to us by the people who invented these handy little toys. The added bonus was that the instructions ‘showed’ us how to put it together without using any words. Just pictures. We were able to undo the assembly they had done so far and go back to the instructions to help us figure out just how each piece fit together. As we finished up the pac-n-play and moved on to the stroller, we stopped to talk about how we are just like these toys. We come with instructions from God’s Word as to how we fit together and are ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’, how we work best by ‘trusting in the LORD’ and that we can only find peace and fulfillment by ‘walking in His ways and on His path.’ It was beautiful. They had tasted the frustration of trying to figure out how life works on our own. We quickly saw how far off track we get when we go at it on our own, ignoring the One who made us and has a plan to ‘prosper us and not to harm us, to give us hope and a future as we seek Him with all our hearts.’ We talked about how we get lost, becoming ‘wise in our own eyes’ and thinking we know how to make things work in life- in just the same way we had torn into the box not even realizing we had instructions to follow. I was amazed at how something so common held one of the best object lessons we had found in a long time. I was very happy and full of myself for realizing such a ‘teachable’ moment and seizing the opportunity to bring the spiritual into the everyday.

Enter impatience, a phone call for a play date and my pride, just as we were rounding the corner on the swing set. Having assembled two of the three big pieces, the girls lose steam and I am just ready to get it done so Lucy can play (and I can get all the trash up). As they hand the last piece off to me, I neglect to look at the instruction book thinking, ‘I see where they are going and know how this one works…don’t really need the pamphlet for this one!’ Totally fail to follow my own ‘Aha’ lesson I’ve just delivered, and I put an ‘a’ with a ‘b’- not once but twice. As I finish up the phone call and try to stand the swing set up, I realize what I have done. In God’s mercy these are the only two joints in the whole package that you cannot undo with a little push from a screw driver. These are together for life. Now the little swing set stands in our living room, duck-taped together because Mom did not follow the instructions. Talk about eating crow for that one! Sometimes we make mistakes and the Lord allows us to have ‘do overs.’ Sometimes in His mercy He does not. That little swing functions just fine- not as pretty, but it works. Reminds me every day that no matter how many times we’ve seen something come together, we still need to go to His Word. Every situation brings a new twist on life and something more He is trying to teach us. We can’t go on past experience. His mercy is new every morning. No two children are just alike. The pac-n-play, the stroller and the swing all work together and belong to the same family, but they are all distinct and have different parts. We have to acknowledge our ignorance before God with each child and ask His wisdom through His Word for each one of their souls. I cannot allow the little interruptions of the day, the impatience of doing it for the third or fourth time or the pride of saying ‘I know how this works!’ to tempt me to take my eyes off His Word and His Will for these little ones. He alone knows best, and only as I surrender to Him and submit to the way He says they work best will I be able to serve them faithfully and well each day.”

That’s just good stuff, people. So as we start 2010, may you embrace the hope of Christmas all year long with your eyes fixed on Christ, your minds clinging the wisdom in His Word, and a heart full of healthy respect for the words “Some Assembly Required.” — by Sarah Stehlik

NEXT STEPS

If you have preschool children, have you signed up to receive the Starting Blocks PlayBook? It’s an easy way to build on what they are learning at church on Sundays with projects and activities you can do together with other moms or just with your kids at home. Sign up online by checking the PlayBook box HERE

What I am about to tell you may shock you, but I swear it is true. We recently took our three boys to a pizza/play restaurant for the first time. Yes, five years into having kids and we have never made a visit to the Mecca of the Great Mouse. Despite this our kids still speak of him with great familiarity as “Chuck E. Cheese, proud sponsor of PBS kids.” (TV time cut in half now.) Anyhow, we still have never seen Chuck, as our recent visit was to his good friend Peter. Peter Piper to be precise. Let me tell you how amazing this adventure was…

There was no special reason for this wondrous treat. It was just a plain old Tuesday night turned into magic family fun time. They were rescued from the cauliflower and red lentils on my menu for the evening, so that they might feast on pizza. And when their cheese pizza mistakenly came out with mushrooms on it, did they have to eat it? No! Did they even have to pick the mushrooms off? No, because although I assured the kind pizza chef that we would be happy to pick them off, he still made them a new cheese pizza anyway. The night was everything it should be at a place like that… Glittering tokens. Precious pink tickets. The most unsafe game of skee ball I have ever witnessed, whereby skee balls were launched into surrounding game machines, as well as ricocheting back on us so violently that we barely escaped without head trauma. I am trying to tell you, these were GOOD times, people. And of course, there was the grand finale, when the boys eagerly traded in their tickets for inexplicable things, asking first for some outrageous item like a remote control helicopter. But upon finding out their 44 tickets didn’t quite cover the 10,000 needed, they settled happily on a two inch tall purple ninja which, after all, is “what they’ve always wanted!”

So you might be thinking, “Wow, Sarah, with all that unmerited wonder and amazingness, I bet your kids showered you with ‘thank yous’ til you could hardly stand it.” I’ll admit, I actually was subconsciously expecting to get a little bit of royal treatment from our boys, so imagine my disappointment on our way home when our three year old said, “What are we going to do when we get home? Can it at least be something fun?” I’m sorry, were we just scrubbing toilets or were we not in the seventh level of his personal heaven? And instead of overflowing gratitude the response was pretty much just “I’m ready for more.” Well. My husband did a very admirable job of explaining why the last several hours had supplied us with more than adequate fun for the evening, while I resisted the urge to launch into a “do-you-know rant.” You probably know what I mean… DO YOU KNOW how many kids would love to blah blah blah? DO YOU KNOW how much mommy and daddy did for you blah blah blah? The do-you-know rant is one of my more obnoxious and ineffective parenting techniques. Do I really think my three year old can know the scope of his extravagant abundance relative to most children in the world? Can he know the extent to which his mom and dad have reordered the entirety of their lives to accommodate his physical, spiritual and emotional needs? And in reflecting on the incident and my urge for a do-you-know rant, the Lord reminded me of some important things.

First, there’s the absolute reality that “DO YOU KNOW…” will never set me and my child up for meaningful, edifying conversation, what with it being so hard for them to hear anything over the noise of my superiority complex. But there’s also this fundamental flaw: the do-you-know rant presumes certain knowledge would have produced corresponding actions. But the Bible says, “out of the overflow of the HEART, the mouth speaks” – not out of the overflow of the mind. Paul’s teaching in Romans 1 is consistent with this principle. He talks of those who KNOW the truth, but instead of ordering their lives according to it, they simply suppress it so that they can carry out the desires of their dark hearts. So the “DO YOU KNOW” rant is both ineffective from a communication standpoint and flawed in its very premise.

But this is only where the Lord started with me. Of course, you know He got personal with it. He reminded me about my shopping trip several weeks ago when I bought a few things for myself. For the week that followed, do you know what preoccupied me? (Next stop, moment of embarrassing honesty.) I kept thinking how I would like to have several other new things as well. In a store seeing some pair of great boots or passing a woman with cute jeans, my thoughts went straight to, “I sure would like to have a pair of those too.” So as it turns out, I am still capable of impulses on par with the maturity of my three year old. I have so much!! But more would be nice. Gross.

So, I had to ask myself, “how much gratitude do my kids see me overflow with on a daily basis?” I don’t just mean the autopilot “thanks” when they clear their dinner plate from the table. I mean “overflowing with thankfulness” like Paul tells us to be in Colossians 2:7 because of the strength of our roots in Jesus. Not overflowing with things that make me comfortable. Not overflowing with the productivity of supermom. Overflowing with thankfulness. I want to overflow with thankfulness because I have tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord and know my refuge in Him brings incomparable blessing (Ps 34.8). And I want them to learn to live like that. I can teach my kids to say thank you, but that’s nothing more than manners. I think true thankfulness is pretty much a lost virtue in our culture. We, of all people, need to bring it back.

NEXT STEPS
Ask yourself and maybe even your spouse or kids questions like, What do I overflow with? How consistently do I express gratitude to others?
Consider starting a journal of things you are thankful for. Keep it in a place accessible to everyone so that each family member can enter their contributions throughout the next few weeks. Then spend time at your Thanksgiving meal reading it together.

An Opportunity to Connect and Worship with Your Kids!
Join us on Friday (tonight), November 20 from 7:00 – 8:30 pm for our first-ever, Watermark Family Ministry worship experience – LIVE! Grab the whole family and join us as we play, sing, have fun, worship and talk about finding hope in our relationship with God! Specially designed for kids Kindergarten – 5th grade, but all ages are encouraged to attend! Registration and details are available at at watermark.org

If you have preschool children, have you signed up to receive the Starting Blocks PlayBook? It’s an easy way to build on what they are learning at church on Sundays with projects and activities you can do together with other moms or just with your kids at home. Sign up online by checking the PlayBook box HERE

TIME OUT – 11.09

The Watermark Children’s Ministry Team is trying to stay up on current issues and ideas regarding parenting, children, and ministry to children. We are reading books from the resource list on this blog and then doing a short review. The hope is that the review will allow you to discover if that book may be of help to you in your parenting situation. Enjoy!

Reviewer: Jinger Lord – Starting Blocks Coordinator

Author – Alex & Brett Harris
Publisher – Multnomah

Please give a one paragraph synopsis of the book.
Alex and Brett Harris are teenage twins with big ideas. Their book lays out the idea that the teen years should not be a time for laziness and lack of responsibility, but a time to serve God and “do hard things” that will glorify Him. They talk about reclaiming the teenage years and rebelling against the low expectations that our society has of teens. They discuss five types of hard things: things that take you outside your comfort zone, things that go beyond what’s expected or required, things that are too big for you to do alone, things that don’t pay off immediately, and things that go against the crowd.

I would recommend this book to a parent who…
This book is really written to teenagers. Any parent of a teen or pre-teen will love the ideas. The goal is to get the teenager to read the book and buy in.
Rate the book on from 1 (lowest) to 10 (highest) in the following areas:
I really enjoyed this book: 9
This book was an easy read: 10
This book was theologically sound: 10
This book used an appropriate amount of Scripture: 10
This book gave practical applications: 10
I will recommend this book: 10
This book promotes the FM concept (parent responsibility): n/a promotes teen responsibility