As I was reading “Revolutionary Parenting” (Recommended reading) last week I was convicted and moved to have a written set of standards for the Kaigler household. It seems a little late, as my kids are 13 and 11, but we are going for it anyway! (Better late than never). We certainly have boundaries for our kids and enforce them as consistently as we can. However, they are not in writing and they are not often communicated unless something goes haywire or a pending situation has disaster written all over it.

I have borrowed extensively from Barna’s book in formulating these and thought they might be helpful as a starting point as you seek to guide your kids toward full devotion to Christ, so here it goes:

1) Always tell the truth
Regardless of the circumstances or consequences; strive to be known as honest, reliable, and trustworthy.

 
2) Never cheat or steal
This brings dishonor on you and disrespects the victim. This includes the sometimes gray areas around testing, and the little “they won’t even miss it” items.

 
3) Always show respect to other people
No matter how you feel about them your attitude and language reflect the love God has for others. The hardest place to practice this is in the home so parents and kids should consistently show respect to one another.

 
4) Help Others
We are followers of the greatest servant who ever lived, Jesus Christ , and should model His example.

5) Control your tongue
Death and life are in the power of the tongue. (Prov. 18:21) See also James 3

 
6) See Conflict as an Opportunity for Growth
Handle it quickly, examine your own heart, and do not judge the motives of others. Only judge their behavior in so much as it affects you personally, your family, and/or the body of Christ.

 
7) Take good care of your body
Your body is God’s temple so eating healthy, exercise, and maintaining good hygiene is important.

 
8) Pursue Intimacy with Jesus and Impact for His Kingdom.
Jesus is in charge of it all and has the final word on everything. The Bible is God’s love letter/instruction manual for life.

9) Work hard in school and pursue excellence as much as it is possible.

 
10) Pull your weight as part of the family
Carry out your household chores with a good attitude and occasionally do more than is asked of you.

 
11) Make sure at least one parent knows your whereabouts at all times.
Even when plans change make sure you get parent approval and they know your whereabouts.

 
12) Accept the penalties of inappropriate behavior
Discipline is not and/or should not be a sign of anger or dislike by those in authority over you but a sign of care and love designed to facilitate growth.

-Kyle

1) What is God teaching you?

2) Are you more aware of my criticism or my encouragement?

3) What am I most passionate about?

4) Do I act the same at church as I do at home?

5) Are you aware of my love for you?

6) Is there any area where I have hurt you and not acknowledged?

8) Do you have any observations for me?

9) How am I doing as a dad?

10) Does my relationship with Mom make you excited to be married?

As Tresha and I continue to think and pray about this stage of our kid’s lives we are beginning to learn a valuable lesson: We are no longer our kids’ first option (Bummer)  ….what I mean is for the first 10 years or so mom and dad were the first choice….when our kids got home from school, practice, or  I came home from work, they would often initiate talking with us.  However, in the last few months especially with my 13 year old twins we are no longer the first option.  Often homework, music, email, being alone in their room, friends etc. is the priority. This is not negative nor unexpected. It is the normal process of them becoming independent.  However apart from a change of strategy from us we will drift toward separation and that is  negative.  In order to prevent this separation we as parents need to change. The burden is now on us to over initiate with them.  They may or may not always take advantage of  our initiation but they will at least feel pursued, and loved.  My heart would be that my girls would never question my desire to want to be with them.  We are obviously learning as we go but sense  a need to make a change in this area of our parenting..

Kyle